


The Curse of the Dragon Witch

by thelogicalloganipus (awkwardkermitfrog)



Series: The Curse of the Dragon Witch Universe [1]
Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Anxiety, Creativity, Logic, Morality, Other, Sanders Sides - Freeform, WARNING SELF HARM, Warning suicide, platonic, warning anxiety, warning blood, warning cutting, warning depression, warning fears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2018-12-31 19:03:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 42,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12139065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardkermitfrog/pseuds/thelogicalloganipus
Summary: The dragon witch casts a spell which causes each side to live their worst fear, and they have to figure it out together.





	1. The Mind Palace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can listen to this chapter as read by @milomeepit on SoundCloud ---->https://milomeepit.tumblr.com/post/169540862906/narration-curse-of-the-dragon-witch-chapter-one

“Do we have to do this?” Virgil groaned, dragging his feet behind the others as he looked all around him. There were bright flowers everywhere, trees, and all kinds of colors. It gave him a headache. All Virgil could think about was how much he wanted to be in his own room, listening to Greenday, not here in Roman’s garden.

“Now, Verge, we agreed that Tuesday is Roman’s day to play.” Patton called back to Virgil cheerfully. He skipped back to where Virgil was, causing him to drop the flower he’d just picked and toss it aside.

“I get that, but why do _I_ have to be here?” Virgil hunched his shoulders, assuming a sulking position, and glared up at Patton. “On my day I just want to be alone. Why can’t that be every day?”

“Because, Virgil, we agreed that we need to be getting to know each other better. We can’t very well get to know you if we don’t spend time with one another.” Logan replied. He plucked a flower and examined it, turning it over to see its interior colors. “Fascinating.” He whispered, getting out a pocket notebook and writing some details down about the structure of the leaves.

“And we’re going to fight the dragon witch! For that I need each of you on your feet. En garde!” Roman said triumphantly, thrusting his sword into the sky.

“You can beat him on your own, Roman, you really don’t need us.” Logan replied. “I’ve calculated the odds of you beating the dragon witch and they are very high. It’s unlikely that we’ll even get to do anything with all your prancing about.”

“Another reason why I don’t need to be here.” Virgil muttered. Patton patted him on the back, and, still smiling, began to walk along with the rest of the group. Virgil groaned loudly and dramatically before trailing along behind, picking random flowers and throwing them aside as he went. “Can I at least have my headphones?” He asked quietly. The others didn’t hear him.

The four of them walked together, Patton chatting as they went, Roman cutting through vegetation, Logan complaining about aggravating Thomas’s allergies, and Virgil wishing he’d brought headphones. It was a while before they came upon a great cave. Roman walked up to the mouth of the cave and stood dramatically, staring into the darkness before them.

“Come now. The dragon witch has been wreaking evil upon these lands resides inside this cave. We must work together to vanquish her so that the villagers in the town below may go about their lives in peace.” He drew his sword and, without waiting for the others, began to walk into the cave’s depths.

“Dork.” Virgil muttered, watching Patton excited walk in after him and Logan try his best to be patient. He drew his hoodie up around his shoulders and followed the others into the cave.

“It is rather dark in here. Roman, have you considered using a torch or some other illumination device?” Logan asked as they began to walk deeper into the cave, into the unknown.

“Yes… there aren’t any spiders, are there?” Patton asked, drawing his cardigan up around his shoulders.

“Nay, the fire from the dragon shall soon light the cave. And Patton don’t worry. You won't’ see the spiders if there are any.” Roman said, turning back to look at them before continuing onward.

“I like it. Seems like a good place to hang out.” Virgil didn’t want to admit it, but he loved how Roman could create entire worlds like this. The cave’s complexities were not lost on him but rather heightened his curiosity - and his anxiety. After all, they were delving into what Roman said was safe, but how could they really know? Roman’s imagination was known to run off into wild places from time to time. Still, the atmosphere of the cave was fascinating to him, and he wished he had a flashlight to see it better.

“So there are spiders?” Patton asked, clinging to his cardigan. Logan let out a small laugh and Virgil smirked. They continued to follow Roman’s white silhouette, the darkness growing, making it hard to see. After a few minutes Roman held out his hand to Logan so that they wouldn’t lose each other in the darkness. Logan took it and held out his other hand to Patton, who in turn held his hand to Virgil. Virgil reluctantly took his hand, not wanting to lose the others as they were able to see less and less.

“I must say, Roman, this is not the most practical adventure you’ve thought of for us.” Logan mused. “Perhaps next time a torch would be a good idea so as to light our way through the catacombs.”

“Nonsense. We’re almost here anyway.” Roman sounded proud to the others, but Virgil detected a hint of nervousness in his voice. What did Roman have to be nervous about in his own corner of the mind palace?

“Stop!” Roman commanded, startling the others. They all stopped in place, Patton gripping Virgil’s hand tightly. For a moment there was nothing but silence, and then they heard it; a low breathing, like that of a sleeping beast. “We’re here.” Roman whispered.

Roman let go of Logan’s hand and stepped forward. “Dragon witch, I call upon you. Awaken!”

There was a loud groaning sound and then a yellow glint in the dark - two beautiful reptilian eyes were staring at them. The creature snorted and suddenly there was light everywhere - a ring of torches lit with flame from the beast’s mouth, seemingly igniting all at once. It was a beautiful monster, with smooth scales of all sorts of different colors, large bat like wings and glowing eyes. It was astonishing.

Patton gasped and drew his hands to his mouth in a mixture of terror and awe. Logan looked up at the creature with a face that was a mixture of fascination and concern, adjusting his glasses. Virgil couldn’t help himself as he began to think of all the things that could go wrong, all the ways they could be defeated - fire, a spell, being eaten alive. Of course, they weren’t real, so it wasn’t as if death was the end, but Thomas needed the sides and if they died, they couldn’t very well be there for him. Virgil watched as Roman stepped forward, either the bravest or the stupidest, he couldn’t decide, and looked up at it.

“I have come to ask you for a duel. Should I win, you will leave the mind palace and never again terrorize the village or Thomas. Should you win, I will never return to the mind palace again.”

“Roman!” Patton shrieked. “You can’t -”

The dragon witch began to make a low, rumbling sound, and after a few seconds Virgil recognized it: the thing was laughing. With a voice that was just inhuman enough to make Virgil’s hair stand on end, she replied, “You cannot defeat me. Even with your idiot friends. You should turn back.”

“Never.” Roman replied.

“Well, technically we are all factors of the same person separated into different parts, not exactly friends. Though we have started to become friends.” Logan posited. Roman turned and glared at him; they were all here to support him, not steal his thunder.

“I see.” The creature began to paw around, its tail flicking around them. “This one is interesting.” She remarked, her tail brushing against Virgil’s legs. Virgil stumbled forward a little, unsettled by the sudden touch. The witch laughed again. “You’ve been just thinking about all the things that could go wrong, haven’t you? Poor thing.” She cooed. “Poor, poor, thing, Roman dragging you out here against your will.”

“I agreed to come.” Virgil muttered. He looked up into the dragon witch’s eyes, body shaking with fear. He looked at Roman, whose face was a mixture of concern and regret. He shouldn’t have come, he knew he shouldn’t have come. Suddenly he felt weak, drained. His knees buckled, his vision became foggy.

“Virgil!” Patton reached down for him, catching his shoulder and holding him there. Virgil blinked lazily at him.

“He’s the most scared out of all of you. The weakest. So I used him for a little spell.” The dragon witch cackled as Roman and Logan went over to join Patton. Virgil’s head lolled from side to side, his body suddenly exhausted.

“What did you do to him?” Roman shouted, turning back to her. “Tell me!”

“What’s more important is what I’m going to do to you.” The dragon witch settled back down into her sleeping spot, looking almost bored with the whole affair. “Your fears aren’t real, but your mind agrees not. Let them consume you and your brain you’ll rot. Each one of you will turn out the same - lest another man come and help burden the shame.” She looked at Virgil, and just as his vision came back into focus, he could have sworn he saw her wink. “Good luck.”


	2. Logan's Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dragon-witch's curse begins to take effect.  
> Warnings: Anxiety, panic, depersonalization, derealization

Logan suddenly found himself blinking, staring blindly into nothingness. He put his hands in front of him, feeling for something, but found only air and a blinding white. In an attempt to get a grip on his mounting anxiety towards what had just transpired, he closed his eyes and clasped his hands together, taking a deep breath.

Then - ground.

Logan found his feet on grass. Just like that, he was standing in the middle of a field, the breeze ruffling through his hair, his tie being blown to the side. This seemed.. Odd.

“Virgil?” He asked cautiously, looking around him. Virgil had been the one who had been hurt by the dragon witch, so it made sense to seek him first, to ensure that he was truly okay. “Verge?” He began to walk around the field, looking for a sign that the other sides were nearby - a sword, glasses, Virgil’s headphones - but found nothing. The further he walked, the more he felt a sense of unease.

“Come now, Logan. It is irrational to act on the basis of fear. You must keep your wits about you in order to fight through whatever the dragon-witch has cursed you with.” He said to himself, adjusting his glasses. He could not help the cold, clammy feeling on his hands, nor the sweat on his brow, the further he walked. It seemed so… endless. So simple, but so distant from reality. Logan sat down on a soft spot of grass and looked across the field, hoping for something to begin to make some sense.

“Let’s reason this out.” He said as he began to assess his situation. “The last thing that you remember was trying to comfort or help Virgil. Roman’s nonsensical adventure had led you into a cave with his dragon-witch, who appears to have had more power than Roman perhaps realized.” Logan considered this - the idea that Roman was more powerful than _any_ of the sides had realized. He would think about that particular notion later. “Logically, that means that this is all in Roman’s corner of the mind palace. Meaning that all I must do is find my way back to the beginning of the mind palace.” He scratched his chin and looked around him, still trying to deduce the possibilities. “Unless this is another layer of the mind palace that we previously did not know about.” He shivered at the breeze and took a blade of grass in his fingertips, twisting it, watching as it broke under his fingers. “Remarkable realism.” He muttered, letting it drop and be whisked away by the wind. He rubbed his hands up and down his arms, trying to create some warmth. “Truly remarkable.”

“Hey Logan!”

Logan spun around to see Patton coming to meet him, running, waving, holding his cardigan around his neck. He allowed himself a small smile but frowned when he saw the frantic look on Patton’s usually happy face. He ran to meet him and the two collided together in a frantic hug from Patton and Logan gently hugging him back.

“I’m glad to see you.” Patton sighed, burying his face in Logan’s neck. “I don’t know where anyone is. None of this makes sense.”

“I agree.” Logan gave Patton a small pat on the back and stepped away from their embrace. He found himself suddenly flooded with anxiety and sadness - more than Logan had ever felt. He stumbled backwards, confused, staring at Patton. He shook his head as he saw color literally begin to drain from Patton’s face and clothes. “Patton, are you alright?” He heard a voice that sounded like his own, but considerably more strained than usual ask the side.

“I’m.. I feel funny.” Patton admitted. 

Logan began to giggle madly, grinning. “Is this how you feel all the time? So full of feelings?” His voice broke and he began to blink away tears, which started making their way down his face, even when he wiped them away. “So full of  - of -”

“Logan, are you okay?” Patton leaned forward and touched Logan on the shoulder. Logan felt his emotions intensify and screamed as they flooded into him - rage, joy, sorrow, everything. He pushed Patton away, still gasping, still shaking. Patton understood and backed away, his face becoming less emotional. “Do calm down, Logan,” he said with an air of impatience not typical of his nature. Logan stared up at him, confused and hurt. Patton was supposed to be a source of comfort, but instead he’d just treated Logan like a burden.

“Hey guys!” Another voice called from the distance. Patton turned, bored, to the source of the sound to see Virgil walking swiftly towards the pair and Roman running, his face stricken with worry. Roman stopped where they were and panted, looking at Logan, who was sobbing uncontrollably now, and Patton, who had his arms crossed as if he was bored by the whole affair.

“What’s wrong with him?” Virgil asked as he approached. “And hey, why are you grey?” He added, looking at Patton quizzically.

“I feel nothing.” Patton said in a dull tone.

Logan began to giggle, tears streaming down his cheeks and staining his pants. Roman bent down and tried to take Logan’s hand but Logan backed away on his hands and knees, shaking his hand, his glasses falling to the ground.

“Logan, it’s alright, we’re all here.” Roman said gently. He turned back to Patton, fury in his eyes. “What did you do to him?”

“I feel everything.” Logan cried out. “It hurts, but it feels nice, but everything’s wrong. I’m not supposed to feel things!” He buried his face in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I get it.” Patton bent down and looked at Logan. “Your worst fear is being clouded by emotion.”

“What are you talking about?” Roman asked frantically, also leaning down. “Worst fear?”

“That’s what the witch thing said.” He answered, looking at his cuticles.

“He stole his emotions.” Virgil realized aloud. He looked at Logan, who was now rocking back and forth. “Oh boy.”

“It’s not supposed to be like this.” Logan whimpered. “I can’t help Thomas reason if I can’t stop feeling!” He began to giggle again and screamed, taking up handfuls full of dirt and grass.

“Easy there, buddy, we’re gonna get you both back to normal.” Virgil said softly. “Breathe in… one… two…”

* * *

  


Thomas was in the middle of a Wal Mart when it happened - a sudden flood of emotions towards the simple decision of buying a box of macaroni. He put the box back on the shelf and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, but found himself wanting to cry regardless. He looked around him to see if he was feeling social anxiety, but no one was nearby. And then out of nowhere, seemingly, a series of giggles mixed with apathy. There was nothing to laugh at, and yet he felt out of control, holding his mouth and trying as hard as he could not to make a sound. Followed by this was another wave of sadness. Thomas walked quickly to the restroom and got into an open stall, where he took a deep breath again. Overwhelmingly, he felt confusion. How could anyone feel all this at once? He looked at the toilet paper roll and began to tap his fingers on it, unsure what he was doing there or how he’d ended up there at all. Where had he just been? Where was he? He reached in his pocket and got out his phone but found he was unfamiliar with the object in question. It didn’t make any sense, whatever it was. He found himself fumbling with it, trying to figure out the device’s requested passcode, but at a complete loss for what the answer was. Nothing made sense.

Nothing was logical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this. Sorry it was so short. Find me on tumblr @thelogicalloganipus


	3. Patton and Logan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman needs to come up with a solution to the problem he's created.

Patton watched with little interest as Virgil attempted to calm Logan, reaching for him over and over, Logan flinching every time further and further away from him. He looked at Roman, who was at a loss for words, pacing back and forth and muttering to himself. He looked out at the sky. Had it always been so grey, so lifeless? His vision felt clouded, his heart felt slow, relaxed.

“Patton, are you alright?” Roman asked, looking at the side quizzically.

“I am… “ Patton trailed off, unsure how to answer the question. He certainly didn’t feel that he felt anything at all, good or bad. “I am neutral.”

Virgil looked from Patton to Logan and then at Roman. “You’re the creative one. You need to figure out how to fix this.” He said bitterly. “I thought you said this would be fun.”

“It was supposed to be fun!” Roman snapped back at him. “I can’t help it if my imagination gets carried away from time to time! It’s - it’s the only thing I’m good at.” His voice dropped and he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Well, no that’s not true, but it does happen now and then and - “

“And what? What’s your point? Look at them!” Virgil stood up, confronting Roman, pure anger in his eyes. “This is your fault. This is the fault of your stupid dragon - thing.”

“If I remember correctly, she said she drew power from you to cast the curse. Not Roman.” Patton said dully. He looked over at Logan and shook his head. “Is that what I’m really like?”

“I don’t want - help - I can’t -” Logan was sputtering small bits of language and nonsense, laughing, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He let out a howl and leaned forward, digging desperately at the ground, pulling up roots and grass, flinging it everywhere. “So much detail, Roman!”

“Woah there Logan, slow down!” Virgil reached for Logan again but he stood up, backing away, still shaking, his head giving a strong “no”.

“Yes, because Logan definitely needs to absorb your contribution.” Roman spat. His words hung there in the air between them. Virgil held up his hand to say something but then shook his head and turned away, walking across the field, not looking back.

“Verge, I’m sorry.” Roman called after him. Virgil ignored him, continuing instead to walk across the field, doing his best to hide the pain on his face.

Roman looked at Logan, who was also backing away and muttering to himself like a madman, and then at Patton, who was simply looking back at him as if he’d never been so bored in his life. He looked at Logan and his panic stricken face and then at Virgil, who was becoming a speck in the distance. Surely this wasn’t his fault; he was the prince, after all, he was an embodiment of good.

He began to walk slowly towards Logan and held out his hand out for Logan to take in his own.

“Logan, you gotta come back to me now.”

“I can’t - everything’s so - wonderful - but there’s so much pain. Roman there’s so much pain!” Logan threw his arms wildly, snickering, wiping tears from his face. “Real tears, Roman. Real tears!”

“I know.” Roman said as gently as he could. He urged himself to be patient with Logan’s current state. “We need to get you back to normal.”

“I can’t touch you - I’ll - I don’t know what - I can’t touch you.” Logan sputtered, his grasp of language considerably less formal than usual. “Patton’s not supposed to be like that!” He cried, pointing at Patton. “He’s supposed to be happy and - and Patton!”

Patton looked from Roman to Logan and then at the ground, saying nothing. Roman sighed and looked at Logan, wishing that Patton’s gentle nature was his own so that he would know what to say or do. Then he had an idea.

“Patton?”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to touch Logan.” Roman said cautiously.

“What - no!” Logan shook his head and looked at Roman incredulously. “I’ll feel more - I can’t - can’t - can’t - can’t -”

“Logan!” Roman’s voice was commanding, causing Logan and Patton to both turn and look at him. “Please trust me.”

Logan held out a very shaky hand, looking at Roman with extreme apprehension, the very hairs on his arm standing up.

“Okay now Patton, when you touch him, I want you to think about what Thomas loves.” Roman instructed, gently pushing Patton towards Logan.

“What Thomas… loves?” Patton asked, confused.

“Musicals. Vine. His friends, his family, pizza. All that stuff. It’ll come back to you.” Roman said, nudging Patton closer to Logan.

“Okay… if you insist.” Patton’s voice was emotionless as he reached for Logan’s shaking hand. He gently took Logan’s hand in his own, Logan still trembling with fear, as he began to say aloud the things that Thomas loved.

“Musicals… Vine… Joan… Dahlia… Talyn… Pizza…” He gasped as color began to return to his vision. “Musicals - vine - comedy - singing - Disney - laughter -”

Logan felt an enormous sense of peace begin to overcome him as Patton’s emotions flowed back to their source, the world around him no longer oversaturated. He looked at Patton, who was now smiling gently, and let go of his hand, feeling utterly spent. He sniffed and walked over to where his glasses had fallen, picking them up and wiping them off on his shirt. He looked around at Roman and Patton, who were both looking at him with concern, and nodded acknowledgement of this.

“I… I don’t feel so much any more.” He said quietly. He frowned. “Where’s Virgil?”

* * *

  


Thomas suddenly felt his world become clearer, sharper at the edges. He looked at the bathroom stall wall and put his hand up to it, ensuring that it was indeed there. It solidly pushed against his fingers and he breathed a small sigh of relief. He looked down at his phone, unsure of how long he’d been in the restroom. In fact, he couldn’t clearly remember walking into the restroom to begin with. He held out his hand and smelled his breath, which ensured that he was sober, so it wasn’t as if he’d blacked out and stumbled in.

“1:34am…” He muttered, looking at his phone with a certain level of confusion. Hadn’t he gone shopping at around eleven? He opened the stall door and walked out of the bathroom to take a good look at himself and was surprised to see that tears had stained his face, his eyes looking redder and puffier than usual. He turned on the water and splashed it up to his face, opting to dry his face on his jacket sleeve rather than use one of the towels the bathroom offered. He looked at himself for several minutes, wondering if he ought to call someone or say something, but feeling very much at a loss for words.

One thing Thomas did feel, though, was anxious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr @thelogicalloganipus. Sorry this chapter wasn't longer.


	4. Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets scared.  
> Warnings: Self harm, suicidal idealization, suicidal thoughts, blood, cutting

Virgil walked silently through the field, eventually coming onto some trees. A forest in the mind palace. He hated admitting it, but Roman really had thought of everything.

_“Yes, because Logan definitely needs to absorb your contribution.”_

The words had stung deeply. Roman had a point, though. If Virgil had touched Logan in that moment, when he was absorbing Patton - he was anxious enough as it was. Virgil picked up a stick and snapped it in half, halfway hoping that Roman felt the sting of something being broken in his perfect world, and halfway hoping that Roman didn’t feel a thing.

Still, though… if traits were being passed from one side to another, it really was best if he wasn’t around for that.

He stopped and leaned on a tree, looking out into the field, wondering if the others were going to come after him. The sun was going down in the mind palace. How long had they been on their little adventure? How was Thomas fairing with all this?

Their worst fears would have to be met, according to the witch.

How do you narrow down a fear from the embodiment of fear itself?

He looked around the growing density of trees, heart pumping a little faster. Trees combined with the impending darkness brought forth mystery, and mystery meant the possibility of danger. The dragon witch was more powerful than Roman had realized. What could be lurking in the forest of Roman’s room?

He looked back out towards the field. The alternative to the woods was going back, finding the others. But he couldn’t be around them. The thought that his good intentions could harm another side was enough to turn him back towards the woods.

“I’m a brave boy.” He muttered, stepping deeper into the forest. “I’m a brave boy.”

 

* * *

 

Thomas stepped into the Wal Mart parking lot and headed towards his car, a chill shooting up his spine at the sudden change in temperature. He hadn’t recovered his grocery cart, figuring that it wasn’t worth the trouble.

Bzzzzt. Bzzzzzt.

Thomas looked down to see a notification from his phone - a text from Joan. Just as he was about to answer it, his hand froze. He stared at the phone, at the message asking where he was, and found his breathing had become faster, shallower. The overwhelming notion of being unwanted, being - harmful - invaded his brain. He locked the screen and put it back into his pocket.

* * *

  


“Everything’s gonna be okay, Verge.” Virgil muttered to himself, stepping over a small log. “Everything is gonna be okay.” His voice was lowering, distorting, mutating. He took a long, deep breath, reminding himself that this was fiction. This was fiction. Everything in the forest was Roman’s creation, and therefore not real.

There was something whipping in the wind. It sounded like paper. Virgil stopped and reached for it, slightly blind, not completely able to see in the growing shadow. He picked it up and inspected it.

It was Patton’s card.

But it was… different.

He looked closely at it and then felt his pulse quicken, his stomach drop.

_You’re not fam._

_I don’t ly._

“He does though. He does.” Virgil heard the increasing echo in his voice and shook his head. “I’m good.” He muttered, running his hand through his hair. He began to pull at his hair, gently, trying to regain some kind of sensation. “I’m good.” His voice was so low, so distorted, that he could barely understand himself. Virgil began to walk more quickly through the woods, now completely in the dark, tripping over random rocks and branches along the way, breathing fast.

* * *

  


Thomas was driving faster than usual, not quite able to work out the anxious energy in his body. He looked at his hands, which were shaking somewhat, and began to tap in the steering wheel - slow at first, then faster and faster. His mind was racing with unpleasant thoughts, thoughts of self hate, thoughts of how nothing mattered and nothing would matter if he weren’t here and he wasn’t actually any good -

A horn blared as Thomas found him swerving his car to the right, skidding, turning around completely. The car turned completely around and the SUV that had honked at him honked again, speeding away.

Thomas looked out into the road, foot on the brake, gasping. He ran his hands along the steering wheel and tried to practice the techniques Talyn had taught him about grounding.

“Okay. They said five things you can touch. Okay.” Thomas reached for the dashboard. “One.”

* * *

  


Virgil was running through the woods now, face scratching against random tree branches. Signs were everywhere, signs written by the other sides.

_We don’t need you._

_You just bring Thomas down._

_You’re unwanted._

_You aren’t necessary._

He couldn’t run any faster.

* * *

 

“Two… two.” Thomas searched more frantically, pulling a candy wrapper out of his glove compartment. “There’s two, there’s two, there’s two.” He repeated to himself, trying to piece it together, trying to get a grip on his anxiety. He put the car into park and switched on the hazard lights, fighting not to slam his fists into the steering wheel.

“We don’t need you.” Roman’s voice. From where?

“You just bring everyone down. That’s all you’re good for.” Logan’s voice. Rational. Logan wouldn’t lie. He wouldn’t know how to lie.

“You’re worthless.”

Patton’s voice.

Virgil stopped running and sank to the ground. He put his face in his hands, spent, crying. “No.” His voice was barely able to make words any more. “No.”

 

* * *

 

Thomas ran his hand along the seat, now hyperventilating, now unable to focus on why he was trying to calm himself in the first place or what it even meant to be calm. He felt a weight, an overwhelming sense of dread overtaking him.

* * *

 

Virgil looked down at the ground to see what hadn’t been there a moment before. A knife.

“Worthless.”

He wasn’t doing Thomas any good.

He had to be done away with.

 

* * *

 

“Virgil?” Patton called into the edge of the dark forest.

“He must have gone this way, there are footprints.” Logan positied.

“Right then.” Roman thought a moment and suddenly a torch appeared in his hand. “Into the woods, anybody?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments help keep me going and let me know that you want more.  
> Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger like that. Oops.  
> Find me on tumblr @thelogicalloganipus


	5. Roman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Logan get into a fight. Roman begins to face his fear. Virgil makes a choice. Thomas is questioned by a police officer.  
> Warnings: self harm, suicidal ideation, suicide, blood, cutting

There was a tapping sound on glass, bringing Thomas back into reality for a moment. He looked to his left and saw a police officer with a flashlight looking at him, inquisitive.

Thomas rolled down his window, saying nothing.

“You alright there, young man?” The officer asked, sounding uninterested.

Thomas nodded.

“You wanna talk about something?”

Thomas shook his head.

“You’ve been on the side of the road here with your hazards on for a good thirty minutes. Something wrong with your car?” The officer asked, shining his light into the vehicle.

“No, nothing - nothing like that.” Thomas gripped the cloth seat under his leg, feeling the texture. _One_.

“You sober?” The officer asked bluntly.

“Yes sir.” Thomas nodded fervently. “This car just - almost ran me off the road.” Thomas’s heart beat against his ribs violently. _Please leave. I didn’t do anything. Please, please leave._ He slowly began to feel the inside of the car door with his left hand, trying to be as discreet as possible.

“I’m going to need you to step out of the vehicle.” The officer said, stepping back.

“What - why?” Thomas’s heart leapt in his chest, even harder than before. “I’m not drunk!”

“Well if you’re not drunk, you won’t mind participating in a sobriety test.” The officer stated firmly. “Come on.”

Thomas tried to quell his shaking hands and, as carefully as he could, stepped out of the car. It was all he could do to resist running.

* * *

 

Virgil looked at the knife and turned it over in his hands. It seemed sharp, shiny. 

"I can't do that." Virgil muttered, staring at it. "I can't."

“Worthless.” Roman.

"No. You don't think that." Virgil whispered, still staring at it, heart hammering.

“Pathetic.” Logan.

"No you don't mean-you don't." Virgil's whispering was becoming haggard, rough. "No."

“All you do is bring Thomas down.” Patton.

"No. No Patton." Virgil shook his head, blinking hard. "No, Patton."

“You bring all of us down.” Logan. 

"I don't. I do. I don't mean to." Virgil shook his head, shaking. "I don't mean to."

“Better off without you.” Roman. 

"Would you?" Virgil whispered, eyes wide with tears.

“Everyone is better off without you.” Patton. Patton would never lie to him.

They were right. They were right. It was the only thing Virgil could think about. He took of his hoodie and examined his left wrist. If there was anything Virgil was afraid of, it was physical pain.

* * *

 

“Virgil!” Logan called out, trying to follow the light of Roman’s torch. “I don’t see any sign of him.” He tried to keep the worry from his voice.

“Verge! Buddy! Let’s see that cool makeup!” Patton yelled out into darkness, frantic. “Verge! We love you! Buddy!”

“Drat, there’s no sign of him.” Roman shook his head and looked guiltily at the ground. “I didn’t mean to drive him away.”

“This is all your fault. You had to take us with you to defeat the dragon witch. Now we all are, in turn, paying for your mistake.” Logan spat, looking at Roman with utter contempt.

“It was supposed to be fun!” Roman took a step back and looked back at Logan, anger in his eyes. “I didn’t know she was so powerful!”

“How could you not know - this is your corner of the mind palace!” Logan snarled, stepping closer to Roman, not backing down. “This is your corner of the mind palace. What I experienced was not fun, it was - it was - “

“It was what, Logan?” Patton asked quietly, thinking of the absence of color, the absence of emotions.

“It was not fun!” Logan turned to Patton, still spitting fire. “Don’t tell me you had fun while I was panicking like an idiot!”

Patton looked at the dimly lit ground, lip trembling.

“Guys!” Roman pointed towards a sign which read You’re unnecessary. “Virgil’s worst fear…” He muttered. “Oh no. Oh no.” Roman began to run forward, ignoring Logan’s yelled question, not caring if the other two were running with him. “No, Virgil. Don’t give in. Don’t give in.”

* * *

 

Virgil took the blade of the knife and pressed it, not so gently, to his wrist.

* * *

 

Thomas looked at the officer, suddenly feeling anxiety leaving his body, as the man asked him to put his finger to his nose. He grinned stupidly, alternating fingers. “Like this?”

“No, not like that - no.” The officer shook his head wildly.

“Like this?” Thomas asked, sticking one leg in front of the other in some strange form of a dance move.

“Would you take this seriously?” The officer shook his head, incredulous. “I’m going to get the breathalyzer.”

“I’ll breath your lyzer!” Thomas called out, still grinning like a fool.

* * *

 

Virgil watched with increasing dizziness as a trial of blood began to run down his wrist. The voices around him faded. His arm felt sleepy, tired. He felt heavy.

“Funny. I always thought blood was warm.” Virgil muttered, observing the cool feeling over his arm. He sat on the ground, watching with dizzy fascination.

* * *

 

“I need you to breathe into this for ten seconds.” The officer said, putting his hand on Thomas’s shoulder. “Okay?”

Thomas chuckled softly. “Sure. Whatever.” He had never felt so carefree, so silly. “I’m not worried.” He said exceptionally loudly.

“Sir, if you’re going to be uncooperative, I’m going to have to take you in.”

* * *

 

“Virgil!” Roman cried, still running through the woods, sword drawn. “Virgil, where are you?” He stopped, panting. “Where are you?”

And then he spotted a small, crumpled body on the ground.

“Verge - Virgil.” Roman stumbled forward, moving to shake his shoulder. He rolled Virgil over  and saw something was covering his jeans, his arm, his T shirt -

“Oh my god.” Patton whispered from behind him, having caught up. “Oh my god, Virgil. Oh my god.”

“What’s the matter?” Logan stepped up as Patton rushed to Roman’s side. “Wait - don’t touch him!”

Patton stopped short, looking at Roman, unsure what was coming next.

Roman took off his white shirt and wrapped it tightly around Virgil’s wrist, feeling it quickly become soaked. “No, Virgil, no. Thomas needs you.”

“Don’t touch him.” Logan warned again, watching Roman pick up Virgil’s limp frame and hold him.

“Don’t tell me not to touch him.” It was Roman’s turn to snarl, Roman’s turn to snap. “This is my fault. I’ve got to - got to think of some way to make him better.”

“Roman…” Patton cried, openly, holding out his hand, trying to figure out where to put it. Eventually he pulled back, watching, weeping.

Logan sat down next to the two of them, at a loss for words.

Roman sat there, thinking, and suddenly a first aide kit appeared next to him. He began to fiddle through it, ignoring the fact that his pants were now soaked in blood, ignoring his heightening anxiety. He removed some gauze. “Get me a stick.” He commanded. Logan reached next to him and handed one over, a sturdy oakwood stick. Roman untied his shirt from Virgil’s arm and, with some effort, tore off the sleeve. He tied it around Virgil’s arm, tying the stick in, making a tourniquet.

“Very smart.” Logan muttered.

“Don’t talk to me right now.” Roman said, getting out a suture kit from the box. “You’re too concerned about saving your own skin to save his.” Roman couldn’t explain his heightening anxiety; it was more anxiety than the situation would have called for. His head snapped up. “Oh - an idea! Oh - what if we do a bug eating video?”

“Roman, is that what you should be focusing on?” Patton shook his head, bewildered.

“Sorry. Right.” Roman began to pull out the sutures. He threaded the needle and put the hook through the edge of Virgil’s wound, pulling it through the other side and tying it off with its own string. His head snapped up again. “Thomas should write a book! No! A book series that will become a series of movies! Yes! And -”

“Roman, stop touching Virgil.” Logan instructed, as calmly as he could manage.

“But - but - “ Roman looked down, distracted. “The draw my life hasn’t happened yet!”

“You’re absorbing his traits. It’s making you anxious about ideas.” Logan looked over at Patton. “Are there gloves in that box?”

“I don’t - I don’t know.” Patton lurched forward and began to search through the box. “Yes! Yes there are.”

“Give me a pair. I will suture Virgil.” Logan stepped forward on his knees, reaching for the kit. “Roman, put Virgil down.”

“We need to go to more meet ups - more plays - there are more shows to perform. More shows to write!” Roman said wildly, a manic look in his eyes.

“Roman, put Virgil down now.” Logan instructed, more firm than before.

 

* * *

 

“You’re not intoxicated.” The officer admitted begrudgingly. “And you don’t appear to be high. Just… silly.”

“That’s me!” Thomas grinned, leaning on his car.

“I guess you’re free to go.” The officer shook his head, muttering something about kids wasting his time.

Thomas smiled, getting back in his car. He had never felt so carefree.

And then an idea popped in his head - he ought to write a book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life. @thelogicalloganipus on tumblr.


	6. Roman, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas becomes manic with ideas.  
> Warnings: blood, angst, mania, panic, needles

“Roman, I know you want to help but in order to help you need to lay Virgil back down.” Logan pulled one rubber glove onto each hand, the latex snapping against his skin. “This way I won’t be touching him. But you are touching him and it’s effecting you.

“It is not, I swear.” Roman held up the needle for the second suture and began to examine it. “My, wouldn’t it be grand to stand on the point of a needle?”

“Roman, please put Virgil down.” Patton didn’t bother to keep the urgency from his voice. He sniffed and approached Roman, cautiously, unsure what would happen if he touched him. “You need to put him down so we can figure out how to help both of you. And besides…” Patton looked down at the blood soaked clothing and Roman’s blood soaked uniform. “Virgil can’t die.”

* * *

  
  


Thomas began drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, putting his car into gear and getting back onto the road. He still felt careless, but now, he also felt a drive to do lots of things, get lots of ideas done. 

“Moana… “ He began to sing to himself. Quietly, then more loudly; “Make way! Make way!” He began humming, the ideas in his mind going off like sparklers. 

* * *

  
  


“Roman, I’m not going to ask again.” Logan was on his knees, leaning over Virgil and Roman, observing the situation. “If you do not move I will be forced to remove you from Virgil. I need to suture him up, and you are currently absorbing him, and that -”

Logan found himself shoved aside as Patton stepped forward and began to pull Roman away, shoving Virgil off of his lap. Virgil rolled over, still motionless. Patton pulled Roman back a few feet before letting go, still sniveling. He looked at Logan, who was rushing to roll Virgil back over. “Tell me what to do.”

“You can help by staying out of my way.” Logan examined the suture kit and removed a second suture. “The last thing we need is you absorbing anxiety. Or… anything else, for that matter.”

Patton sat back, looking frustrated, as Logan began to stitch what remained of Virgil’s wound. “Is he going to be okay?”

“We are fractions of Thomas’s personality. He can’t exactly die… he can be damaged though.” Logan drew the last part of Virgil’s wound closed and reached over to the first aid kid for gauze. “We all can.” He added, thinking of himself earlier in the field. 

Patton glanced at Roman, who was now pacing back and forth, grinning wildly. “Roman?”

“A video about trees - about our time in college - about caring for the - hmm?” Roman spun around and looked at Patton, mania still in his eyes. “What?”

“Roman, are you alright?” Patton asked cautiously.

“Never better! Why I’ve never been better!” Roman laughed dramatically. “I have so much - Thomas has so much he needs to do!”

 

* * *

 

Thomas pulled too quickly into his driveway and half ran, half flew into his house, running up the stairs and getting out a notebook. He began to write idea after idea and when the page was full, he tore it off, taped it to the wall, and wrote another. And another. And another.

* * *

  
  


“I think we all could use some rest.” Logan’s eyes flashed from Patton, who was sitting down watching everything transpired, and to Roman, who was throwing his arms in the air shouting out different ideas. “Though I doubt all of us will rest.” He added. He shook his head and wished he could conjure up something soft to sleep on, or at least to lay Virgil’s head on, until morning. 

Patton scooted, on his knees, over to Logan, holding Virgil’s hoodie. “We can put it under his head.” He said, seemingly having read Logan’s mind. “Or - you can lift his head and I’ll put it there.” He gestured to Logan’s still gloved hands.

“Ah… yes.” Logan lifted Virgil’s head gently from the ground and watched as Patton placed the folded sweatshirt underneath it. “That should be adequate.”

“What are we going to do about him?” Patton whispered, eyes pointing to Roman.

Roman was dancing now, using a tree as a dance partner, giggling and swinging backwards. Logan shook his head and sighed. 

“I don’t know.”

* * *

  
  


“Thomas, are you home?” Joan knocked on Thomas’s front door and was surprised when it swung open for them. “Weird.” They muttered, remembering how Thomas was notorious for over worrying, especially about things like his home security. They stepped into the apartment and began to close the door behind them. “I texted you like two days ago about a few things and anyway, Talyn and I were thinking of going… to…” 

Joan stopped dead in their tracks. The walls were coated in papers of quickly scribbled drawings, notes, ideas, and random pages from books. Thomas was on the other side of the room, standing on the edge of his couch, trying to tape a scratchy drawing to the ceiling.

“Thomas?” Joan asked, stepping forward slowly. They stopped, hearing a crackling sound as their foot made contact with another paper. They were all over the floor, too. “Thomas, what - Thomas what the hell?”

“Oh Joan! Hey!” Thomas flashed a smile as he turned towards Joan, paper still in his hand. “Sorry about the mess, I just have so many ideas right now!”

“Are you okay?” Joan tiptoed forward, unsure what to think of the carpet. “You’re generally… this … is... “ They shook their head, unsure what to say in response. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, fine! I’m fine- fine- fine- fine- fine.” Thomas hopped down, his butt hitting the couch. “Ow, that was a hard landing. I’m fine - fine - fine - fine - fine!” 

“I’m going to go tell Talyn you’re not up for burgers.” Joan began to step backwards, still eyeing Thomas.

“Great! Burgers sound great! Just gotta get all these ideas written down- down-down-down-down-down... first.” Thomas half spoke, half sang, as he climbed back up the couch and, as Joan watched, attempted once again to tape the paper to the ceiling.


	7. Virgil and Roman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things calm down a little bit.

Virgil stirred gently, blinking in the sun of the mind palace as it came through the leaves at the tops of the trees. He raised his hand to cover his eyes and was immediately surprised when a jolt of pain shot through his nerves. Then he remembered.

“Virgil?”

Virgil turned to his right side to see a worry worn Patton. He looked down, away. “Hi.”

“Oh thank goodness.” Patton reached for Virgil but then stopped. “Sorry. How are you feeling?”

Virgil reflected on this, looking around himself cautiously. “I don’t really feel much of anything.” He sat up, gingerly, avoiding resting any weight on his left hand. “I mean… I don’t know. It’s like.. It’s like I’m not there. Does that make sense?”

Patton looked at Virgil’s wrist and nodded. “It does, because Roman was touching you.” He looked behind him. “Things are getting serious.”

“How long was I out?” Virgil raised his arm and inspected it, reaching for the gauze. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”

“It can. Please leave that on.” Patton watched as Virgil reluctantly moved his hand away from the gauze. He rubbed his eyes and sniffed, looking at his own hands. “You were out for two days. I was so worried… Verge, what if we’d lost you?”

“Who cares?” Virgil muttered, thinking of the notes around the trees, Patton’s words echoing in his head.

“Who cares? Who cares?” Patton looked at him with anger Virgil had never seen before. It made his insides shrivel up, but he couldn’t look away. “I care. Don’t ever think that we don’t care. Thomas needs you. I need you. Got that?”

Virgil nodded, slowly, looking back at his wrist. “Why don’t I feel my usual levels of anxiety about this?” He looked up at Patton blankly. “I should feel anxious about this. It hurts like hell.”

“Because Roman has your anxiety.” Patton stood up and held out his hand to Virgil. “Come on. Let’s go find them.”

“What - who? Roman and Logan aren’t here?” Virgil took Patton’s hand and stood up.

“Well, Roman was here. Then he went madly dashing into the forest, and… We haven’t exactly seen him since.” Patton scratched his head, clearly not used to being worried. “I’m sorry to bring you down like this, but when we do find Roman again, you need to absorb your trait back. Lord only knows what this is doing to Thomas.”

Virgil nodded, expression still blank. “Okay.”

* * *

“Do you think we should take him to a hospital?” Talyn muttered, watching Thomas scribble madly on some papers on the floor. He was surrounded by notebooks and textbooks. Scattered pages littered every wall, every crevice Thomas could reach, and he’d started spending a good amount of time taping over the old ones. He’d sent out several spastic snapchats before Joan had finally taken away his phone, and later, his laptop. He would sometimes look up and shout something incoherent before going back to mumbling to himself, drawing on random things.

“I… don’t know.” Joan continued to look through WebMD, trying to get a grasp on what was going on. “I’m not sure what’s happening.”

“Oh! Joan!” Thomas looked up suddenly, grinning. “Joan!”

“Yeah, Thomas?” Joan asked, still scrolling through their phone.

“I drew you as a dragon!” Thomas laughed, holding up a barely coherent drawing of something that looked like a lizard.

“That’s… nice.” Joan muttered, watching as Thomas got up to tape it to the already covered wall.

“I think he’s manic.” Talyn muttered, elbowing Joan gently.

“What’s that?” Joan began to type ‘manic’ into their search engine.

“It’s like… people get excessively happy. But they get too happy. And they can’t stop. They don’t eat or sleep for like, days. I knew a girl in college who got that way sometimes.” Talyn whispered to Joan, still eyeing Thomas. “When’s the last time he ate?”

“I have no idea. I know that I came over here a couple days ago to ask if he wanted to get burgers with us and then, well, you and I left, and then I came back earlier today when I checked his snapchats. It was… frightening.” Joan shook their head and glanced down at Thomas’s phone, which was in their lap. “That’s when I called you.”

“Right…” Talyn nodded. “Thomas, when did you eat last?”

“Oh - gosh. I don’t know.” Thomas looked at the wall he had begun to write on and then over at Talyn. “I’m not hungry though.”

“When did you last sleep?” Talyn asked, gently as possible.

“Uh… Not sure. But do I ever sleep?” He began to write on top of another already full page.

“What’re you writing there?” Talyn stood up, walking over to him, stepping around the various papers on the floor.

“Just - ideas. Thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts.” Thomas pulled one paper off the wall and began to write on the one underneath it, which was also full. “I’m running out of space for all my thoughts.”

“Mmhmm.” Talyn turned back to Joan, eyes wide with concern at the absurdity of the situation. They mouthed  _what do we do_  and turned back to Thomas, who had began to write on his arm with the sharpie he was holding.

* * *

“Roman?” Patton called, stepping through the forest. “Logan?”

“Prince Underarm Stink!” Virgil yelled, adjusting his hoodie. “Nerd!”

“You could be nicer.” Patton grumbled, glaring at Virgil.

“Sorry. That’s what I think of them as.” Virgil shrugged. “Oh hey - is that a shirtless -” His eyes went wide. “Is that a shirtless Roman in a tree?”

“Oh thank goodness - Roman!” Patton hopped over a small log and jogged to the bottom of the tree, Virgil following slowly. “Roman - what the heckity heck are you doing up there?”

“It’s grand up here.” Roman leaned back on the branch, which gave a small creak. “And there’s so much to do!”

“Roman, get down from there, you’re going to fall!” Patton said as sternly as he could manage.

“Nonsense! I am perfectly safe! I am the prince, the prince would never be so clumsy as to-”

There was a snapping sound, and Roman’s body fell rapidly to the ground. Patton screamed and rushed forward.

“Roman, I told you to - oh nevermind. Are you hurt?” Patton reached for Roman and then stopped short. “Are you okay?”

Roman laughed, still on the ground, wheezing slightly. “Never better.” He let out a heavy sigh. “Oh Patton. I just keep thinking of ideas and how little time there is to get them all done!” He reached for Patton’s hand to stand up, but Patton didn’t take it, causing Roman to push himself up off the ground, twigs and leaves sticking to his back. “I never would have thought I could dream so grandly!”

“Yes…” Patton nodded and eyed Virgil as he came into the corner of his vision. “Say, Roman. How about giving Verge a big hug?”

“A hug for Virgil?” Roman smiled stupidly. “Why of course!”

* * *

Talyn sighed, unsure what to do, at a loss for words, and reached out for Thomas, wrapping their arms around him.

* * *

Virgil stumbled, feeling Roman suddenly embrace him. “Uh… what is happening?”

* * *

Thomas grinned. “Oh hi Talyn! Didn’t see you there.” Thomas wrapped his arms around them, closing his eyes and sighing. “Oh. This is nice.”

* * *

Roman suddenly felt the energy rushing out of him, the anxiety, the ideas. He stepped away, looking at Virgil with a somewhat confused expression. His eyes went wide for a second, then he stepped away. “Virgil…” Roman looked over at Patton, who was smiling. “Did… what happened?”

Patton crossed his arms and smiled. “Glad you’re back. Both of you.” He added, looking at Virgil. He frowned. “Now… where’s Logan?”

* * *

Thomas suddenly felt overwhelmed with exhaustion, energy leaving his body. He stepped back from Talyn for a second and then embraced them again, more tightly, more sure.

He looked around the living room and gasped. “Wow. I didn’t realize that I’d done.. That much.” He pulled away and sank into the couch. “Wow.”

“How are you feeling?” Talyn asked, glancing at Joan, who also noticed the change in Thomas.

Thomas looked at his hands, which were covered in ink from markers, and his arms, which were covered in drawings. He looked around the living room, opening his mouth and then closing it again. “I mean I didn’t realize I’d done that much.”

“Are you okay?” Joan sat on the couch next to Thomas, looking around the room with him. “We’re kind of worried about you.”

“Yeah, guys.. I think I’m okay for now.” Thomas reflected on the incident in the Wal Mart, and the police officer, and looked at the scribbles and drawings from the last two days. “ Something’s going on though. I think I need to talk to the sides.”


	8. Logan, Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn.  
> Warnings: self harm, anxiety, depression

Logan adjusted his glasses, pushing them up the bridge of his nose and looking around the woods, unsure what to expect. Ever since Roman had run off from their group it had been between he and Patton to periodically search. He glanced at his wrists, which had previously been identical to Virgil’s, and wondered if the other side would scar from his close call. He had told Patton that Virgil could not die, but truthfully he wasn’t completely sure about his survival, either. He shook his head. Now was not the time for illogical things such as silly, icky emotions. He could deal with his worrisome feelings towards Virgil later.

* * *

  
  


Thomas walked upstairs, having requested a private moment with the sides, away from Talyn and Joan. Stepping on several papers on his way, he looked at all the drawings, writings, and scribbles. It was a lot to look at; poems, songs, music notes, ideas, all scrawled everywhere, sometimes missing the paper and going onto the wall itself. Thomas ducked into his bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, emotionally numb, looking at the madness that had come from his own head in disbelief. Surely he hadn’t done all of this, had he? No one could have such an influx of energy, an influx of ideas… 

“Am I going crazy?” He muttered to himself, staring at his hands, unsure what to think of it. He looked at his phone. It had taken some convincing to get it back from Joan, and after seeing his tweets and posts, Thomas understood why. He went through and deleted snaps of himself babbling about nothing in particular and several tweets that were utterly nonsensical. The term “word salad” came to mind, but it didn’t feel like it was quite fitting. What Thomas had been doing was something like madness, but was it really? Was there a new side? He thought about his encounter with the police officer, losing himself in Wal Mart, and now all the papers and drawings covering the walls and floors. He rubbed his temples, trying to rid himself of the intense headache that was drawing nearer, and called out, “Patton, Roman, Logan, Verge. I need to talk to you guys.”

He waited for the inevitable moment when Logan would ask what was going on, or chastise him for the papers on the floor. He looked up, confused. There was only silence.

* * *

  
  


Logan’s head snapped up. He could feel Thomas calling to him. Thomas had picked up that something was wrong and wanted to know what was going on. He closed his eyes and focused.

Nothing.

Logan opened his eyes, confused. He closed them again, willing himself to Thomas’s present location. 

He opened his eyes, expecting to see Thomas’s living room or bedroom - but saw only the forest.

“Oh no.” Logan’s hand covered his mouth in realization. “Oh no. Ohhhh no.”

* * *

  
  


“Duty calls.” Patton said cheerfully, feeling the familiar pull from Thomas. He, Roman, and Virgil all closed their eyes and focused. They then opened them - and looked at each other, bewildered.

“What the…” Roman looked around the woods. “Why’re we still here?”

Virgil shrugged. He closed his eyes again, whispering, “Geronimo,” and opened them. “Wait.” He pointed at Patton and Roman - Roman, who was looking contemplative, and Patton, who was still screwing up his face in concentration. “Why are we still here?”

“I don’t know.” Roman closed his eyes again. “Come on.” He opened them. “This has never been a problem before.” 

* * *

  
  


Thomas looked up and around the room. “Patton?” He asked, looking hopefully in front of him. Patton didn’t appear. He tried again. “Logan, come on, calculator watch.” He glanced to his right. Logan didn’t appear. “Virgil?” He asked cautiously. “Verge?” No Virgil. “Roman?” Roman didn’t appear either. 

* * *

  
  


Virgil glanced around uneasily. Then his expression turned to quiet anger. “Roman… we’re trapped here.”

“What are you talking about?” Roman had began to pace, trying to think his way out of the situation. “We’ve never been trapped here before. Or anywhere in the mind palace. Why, it just doesn’t happen.”

“Roman, none of us can leave.” Virgil’s nostrils flared with impatience. “You and your stupid witch cursed us, and now we’re trapped here.”

“I just had a thought.” Patton crossed his arms and looked at the other two with uncertainty.

“Yes?” Roman asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do tell?”

“Well… what if the emotions and stuff transferring… what if that’s not us facing our fears?” Patton looked at the ground. “What if it’s just a side effect of the curse?”

“That’s ridiculous. I was very scared when I - I was scared. Alright?” Virgil pulled his hoodie more over his shoulders. “You were scared too, weren't you Roman?”

“Well.. I was anxious, yes. But afraid? I’m not sure if that’s the correct term.” Roman chewed on his nails, examining the cuticles. “Patton? When Logan took your emotions, were you afraid?”

“I didn’t feel anything.” Patton said thoughtfully. “Logan was terrified, but he was also happy. I think he just couldn’t handle the influx of emotions. I don’t know if it was really fear.” 

“I was scared.” Virgil repeated, looking between Patton and Roman. His eyes got wide, a new realization dawning on him. “But I was alone.” 

* * *

 

Thomas sighed, going back down stairs, and looked at Talyn and Joan.

“What did they say?” Talyn asked nervously.

“Nothing.” Thomas threw his hands in the air in frustration. “They didn’t even come.” 

“That’s not good.” Joan frowned in confusion. 

“Yeah.” Thomas sighed, sitting on the couch. “I’m sorry guys, I’m just - I’ll clean this up tomorrow. I really need some sleep.” 

“Do you want one of us to stay here?” Talyn asked, sitting next to Thomas.

“No, that’s - I’ll call you guys if anything else crazy happens.” Thomas ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “I will. I promise. I’m just.. I’m exhausted.”

Talyn and Joan looked at each other and back at Thomas. “Well… we’re going to get some food. Want us to bring you back anything?” 

Thomas could feel sleep settling in already. He shook his head. “I’ll order a pizza or something later.” He could feel himself falling asleep as Talyn and Joan each gave him a gentle hug, leaving him there on the couch to stare sleepily at the chaos, the door shutting gently. Thomas shut his eyes and let out a long, low sigh. 

* * *

  
  


Logan continued his hike through the forest, looking for signs of the other sides. He felt completely lost, alienated. He looked out at the trees and cocked his head.

“That’s strange. It’s day, isn’t it?” He said quietly to no one, looking at a spot in the trees. The leaves were growing darker, the foliage surrounded by shadow. The sun was dimming. Logan closed his eyes one more time, focusing on appearing in Thomas’s living room - but nothing happened. He opened his eyes and gasped, looking down at his hand, which was encased in darkness - solid, strangely liquid like darkness. He moved his hand in and out of the black material, breathing shallow, quick breaths. 

And then a thought struck him.

What if he hadn’t been facing his fears when he’d absorbed Patton’s emotions? What if there were different fears entirely?

“No, this is irrational. This is - this doesn’t make sense. I do not hold with things that do not make sense.” Logan’s voice gradually increased in volume as he watched the substance begin to swallow the last of the sunlight, his arms, his legs. He began to back away, but it only followed closely, toying with him. “No. This is not happening.” He whispered. “This is irrational, this is not happening.”

* * *

 

Thomas began to fall asleep, unknowingly drifting into a nightmare.


	9. The Cells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just... lots of things happen. How do you summarize? Please don't hate me for this chapter. Please.
> 
> Warnings: self harm, homophobia, disturbing imagery, blood, nightmares, suicide, angst, depression

_ I’m in darkness. Moving darkness. _

_ Was that a flash of light? _

_ Who is looking at me? Who is watching?  _

_ Where are the others? _

_ I move my hands out in front of me into the substance, blind. I open my mouth to yell and it leaps down my throat, obstructs my vocal chords and chokes me. I cough, but it won’t come up. It’s lodged in my thought, in my body, in my psyche. I can feel it pulling me down, pulling me into oblivion. I claw at my neck, hoping to push it out of my throat, gasping, panicking, rolling over on the ground. Where am I? Still the forest? I reach out and feel carpet. I open my eyes and see  grey, nothingness, blankness. Then it shifts into focus: I’m in my room. Books are neatly stacked, notebooks filed appropriately. But no… something is wrong. I look around the room and I can sense it before I see it, the darkness encompassing me, the lack of sense, the lack of reason. I feel it filling up my lungs like smoke and before I can cough and sputter it’s invading my eyes, my vision, my mind. I am blind again. I reach out and find a tree branch: back in Roman’s forest. _

_ This makes sense, I know where I am now. _

_ There’s screaming. Is it me? I can hear screaming. I hear someone yell to  hold him down  \- is he me? I feel a weight, a pull, a push. I am up against something, I think. I am drifting away from my body, from the weight of my very being. I am ethereal. I am watching myself; I am watching Patton hold down a screaming me, a me who can’t stop screaming. I can feel my heartbeat - am I still here, with my body? I try to pull myself forward, towards the situation, try to get back to myself, but am only pulled further away, only further and further away, into the sky. _

_ No, this doesn’t make sense. No. _

_ Can they hear me? _

_ I feel the trees slipping through my body and wonder, am I still screaming? _

_ I see, from a distance now, Roman holding down my other half. Patton is panicked. Roman is unsure. What is he saying? Why can’t I stop moving down there? Is my body trying to get back to me, back to - what is it? Do I  have  a soul? _

_ I close my eyes and will Thomas to come, to say something, to help me, Logan, make sense of what is going on. _

* * *

 

“What’s wrong with him - what’s wrong with him - oh my goodness- Roman-” Patton was holding Logan down, using his cardigan as a shield between himself and Logan’s skin. Logan was moaning, yelling, his body writhing on the ground, struggling against him.

“I don’t know.” Roman admitted, crouching down. He had conjured a pair of new white gloves and a new shirt for himself, which proved an effective shield against Logan’s skin. He looked back at Virgil. “Do you have any idea? You’re the anxious side.”

Virgil stepped up and examined Logan curiously. “I think… I think he’s having a nightmare.” He watched as Logan’s chest thrust forward and he let out another scream, then was quiet again, breathing hard. “But what would Logan be afraid of?”

* * *

 

_ I am again engulfed in nothingness, in darkness. I reach out to see my hands but they are not there. I wonder where I’m being taken, or more accurately, if I am moving at all. _

_ Then I’m standing in a hallway, the sudden light blinding. It feels unnaturally clean. I see several doorways, each closed, giving off a static look. I step forward and, cautiously, try the first door to my left. It opens. _

_ “Hello?” I ask, stepping forward. There is a small child at the window. A small Thomas. I step forward and kneel down next to him. “Hello, Thomas. My name is Logan. Can you help me?” _

_ Thomas turns to me and stares, and I see that his mouth is stitched shut.  _

_ I back away, gasping, and look at the wall, where black letters read IT’S MORE LOGICAL TO BE QUIET AROUND PEOPLE YOU DON’T KNOW.  _

_ I step out of the room, horrified, tiny Thomas staring after me the entire time. Shaking, I turn to another room, this time on the left hand side, and open the door. _

_ “...shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t do it. Everyone will laugh at me. Why wouldn’t they laugh at me? Shouldn’t do it. Shouldn’t do it. Everyone will laugh at me. Why wouldn’t they laugh at me? Shouldn’t do it…”  _

_ I watch as Thomas, now about eleven, draws in circles on the walls, saying that same phrase over and over. Curiosity takes over. “Shouldn’t do what, Thomas?” _

_ “Be an actor. It doesn’t make sense. It’s illogical to think I can be an actor. Shouldn’t do it. I’m a guy. Guys who act are gay. I’m supposed to like girls. Everyone will laugh at me.” Thomas responds, without turning around. “Shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t do it. Everyone will laugh at me…” _

_ I back out again, more quickly than before, and turn to the other side of the hall, more afraid of what I will find. Is this what I do, do I hold Thomas back from all his dreams? _

_ I slowly open a door on the right hand side of the hall, unsure what I’ll find, and turn the knob, slowly opening the smooth metal door.  _

* * *

  
  


“Well, he’s quieter now.” Patton said, sitting back. “That’s something.”

“Leave it to you to be the optimist even in this situation.” Virgil muttered as he also sat down. “How long are we stuck here for?”

“Until he wakes up, or until I figure something out.” Roman was pacing, trying to think of an idea. “The dragon witch said we had to help each other out of these situations. But… I don’t know what to do for him.” 

“I wonder how Thomas is right now. Probably pretty confused.” Patton reflected. “I feel pretty confused.” 

“You’re always confused.” Virgil picked up a stick and began to pick at its bark. 

“Well, more than beverage.” Patton admitted, less enthusiastic than before.

“You mean average.” Virgil corrected. 

“No I’m not.” Patton smiled, harkening back to a previous video. He sighed, face becoming more serious again. “It feels weird, trapped here, trying to be serious. I wish I knew how Thomas was doing.”

* * *

  
  


_ “Wrong. Sinful. Wrong. Homosexual. Wrong.” _

_ I see an older iteration of Thomas sitting away from me in the corner of the room. His arms are shaking, as if he’s concentrating on something deeply. I step forward and see droplets of blood on the ground. His hands move, shakily, to his arm, where he is carving a cross into his skin.  _

_ “Wrong. Sinful. Wrong. Homsexual. Wrong...” _

_ I back out of the room, unsure what to make of this nightmare scenario. I look at the end of the hall, at the last door, and brace myself as I walk towards it.  _

* * *

  
  


“I have an idea.” Roman perked up, pointing towards the sky, then gesturing to Logan. “We need to pull him out of his nightmare.”

“Yeah we know. How?” Virgil was annoyed, impatient.

“We need to give him some of our better qualities. If the emotions can go one way, why not the other?” Roman sat down and reached for Logan slowly. “I’ll go first - give him some of my love.”

Patton nodded. “I will give him some of my heart.” They both looked at Virgil, expectant. 

“He doesn’t need my contribution.” Virgil muttered. “Don't’ touch him for too long, remember?”

“I know.” Patton said quietly, thinking of before in the grass. “On three?”

Roman nodded. 

“One… two…”

* * *

  
  


_ I step into the last room and see Thomas there, the right age this time, staring at me.  _

_ “Hello.” He says, his voice echoing. “Do you want to sit down?” _

_ “Uh… no thanks.” I stare at him, unsettled by how normal he looks, how… undisturbing this room is. The lack of strangeness has me more confused. “Thomas?” _

_ “Hmm?” Thomas cocked his head to the side. _

_ “Are you… feeling alright?” I feel uncertain about the question.  _

_ “Yes. I’m fine. Fine. Great. Just ignoring my friends and hopes and dreams. Just like you wanted.” Thomas smiled at me, unnaturally strained. _

_ “No - no. I don’t want that.” I shake my head. “No.” _

_ “Oh, but you do. You don’t think friendship and emotions make sense. So I’m just here, lonely, working on projects. It’s not that bad. I’ll just jump out the window when the time comes.”  _

_ I look up. “You’ll what?” _

_ “Sometimes it’s too much, being this lonely. So I jump out that window.” He points to a window to the left. “But I don’t die. I just come back here, to the side where things are under your control.”  _

_ “No…” I shake my head and back away, trying to find the door, but it’s gone. “No - I would never want that.”  _

_ “Oh, but you do.” Thomas said, still smiling unnaturally. I watched as the color seemed to drain slowly from his face, his bright eyes fading, his smile still strange and plastic. “It’s about that time again!” He says with unnatural excitement as he stands up and begins to walk towards the window. _

_ “Thomas - no!” I reach for him, unsure what to do, panicked. _

* * *

  
  


“Now!” Patton and Roman both touched Logan, gently, waiting.

“You too, emo nightmare.” Roman gestured to Logan. “You can give him… a bit of fight or flight.”

“Fine.” Virgil reached out and poked Logan on the forearm.

* * *

  
  


_ I am reaching for Thomas as he is leaping forward, I am trying to pull him back- _

 

_ I am gasping for air - _

* * *

 

I hear a gentle breeze, a gust of wind, and the sound of meadowlarks. I blink. I hear a voice, strange and distant, loving.

“...Logan?”


	10. Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter focused on Thomas.  
> Warnings: mentioned homophobia, mentioned self harm, mentioned nightmare

Thomas lunged forward, his body finally responding to his urges to wake up. He took several shallow, forced breaths, running his hands over his body, over his mouth. He let out a sigh of relief when he found that it was not stitched together. He ran a hand through his hair, still panting, and reflected on the dream - more accurately, the nightmare.

Logan, coming into rooms, rooms where he was, suddenly, and wasn’t. Logan finding him with his mouth stitched shut, carving a cross into his skin, saying that homosexuality was wrong… then Logan reaching for him as he ran towards the window, him waking up just before hitting the ground, fearful and unsure of how real the dream had been. He buried his face in his hands. Life did not allow for rests like the one that he seemed to need. He looked around at all the papers, all the drawings and scribbles. 

He pulled out his phone, wondering if a nightmare was enough to call Talyn and Joan, and decided against it. He set the phone next to him and stared out at the papers everywhere, feeling what he could only describe as blankness. He felt like every piece of him was out in the floors and walls. He was just empty of energy, emotionally and physically. 

“Logan?” He called out gently. “I need to talk to you guys.” He stared down at his feet. “Any of you guys.” He added, thinking of Roman, Patton, and Virgil. 

Turning on the television with a swift click of the remote, he found himself comforted  by the background noise provided by commercials and electrostatic. He looked outside - it was evening, judging by the glowing sunset, which turned the edges of the trees into beautiful pinks and orange hues. Thomas stood up and opened his door, listening to the growing sound of crickets and other insects filling the air. He smiled at the sight of a lightening bug, and then another, making themselves known with tiny flashing lights in the evening air. He took a deep breath, wanting to feel comforted. Instead, all he felt was that the air couldn’t reach the bottom of his lungs. Instead, all he felt was anxious and alone.

It would be one thing if he could talk to the sides. Instead, he could only talk to himself.

He stepped back into his apartment and, with an annoyed sigh, began to pick up the papers that littered the floor. 

Boy you got that heartbeat running away - 

Thomas perked up at hearing his ringtone and headed over to answer his phone.

Can’t you hear that boom-ba-boom-boom-

“Hello?” 

“Thomas! How are you?” 

“Oh. Hey mom.” Thomas sat down on the couch, awkwardly holding the phone with his right hand. He set the papers in his left down and switched, readjusting. “I’m okay. What’s up?”

“Oh, not much. Just wanted to see how you were doing.” Thomas could hear something off in his mother’s voice, but he decided not to press it. “Do you want to grab dinner tonight? I’m going to be in town and thought it might be nice to go out.”

“That sounds great, mom, but I’ve kind of… There’s a big project underway and I need to finish it.” Thomas glanced around at all the papers, thinking of the unpleasant task of cleaning them up. 

“You sure? It’ll be my treat.” She sounded hopeful, and his stomach gave a low roar. It was too much. Cleaning could wait.

“Alright… where at?” 

* * *

  
  
  


Thomas pulled swiftly into his parking space, looking at the bright light of the Wendy’s sign in contrast to the dimming sky. He looked around at his car, the place that had been one of solitude and comfort when he had been pulled over. He closed his eyes and breathed in, slowly, silently counting to himself, hoping the air would hit the bottom of his lungs. Again, it didn’t. Scowling, he stepped out of the car.

“Hey, mom.” Thomas smiled, grateful for his years as an actor, as he and his mother embraced in an awkward half-hug in front of the Wendy’s doors. “Ready?” 

“After you.” She smiled goofily as she opened the door. Thomas couldn’t help himself; he giggled and took a bow, stepping dramatically into the fast food restaurant, letting the glimpse of a real smile play on his face.

“How’ve you been?” She asked, stepping in after him as they made their way into the metal that walled off the line.

“Oh… you know. Busy.” Thomas dodged. “I think a baconator sounds pretty good.”

“You’re always doing something.” She stared up at the menu, examining her options. “So many choices… it’s been awhile since I came here.”

“Their chicken sandwiches are pretty good.” Thomas shrugged.

“Is that what you’re getting?” 

“No, I’m getting a burger.” 

“Are you folks ready to order?” An all too friendly cashier stepped up to the counter. Thomas couldn’t help but feel slightly off put by the forced salesmanship. 

“Yes - you’re in front of me, you go first.” Thomas felt his mother nudge him, and so stepped forward. 

“Yes… hi. Can I get a baconator meal?” Thomas asked, feeling suddenly shy. 

“What size?” The cashier asked cheerily.

“Medium.” 

“And what to drink?” The cashier eagerly reached for the cups next to her station. 

“Unsweet tea would be great. Thank you.” Thomas watched as she set the cup in front of the fountain drink station next to her register.

“You look really familiar.” She looked down at her screen as she punched in his order. Then she snapped up, smiling. “Oh, you’re the vine guy!”

Of all days to be recognized. “Yeah… yep.” Thomas shrugged. “My mom needs to order too?”

“Oh, hi! What would you like?” The cashier grinned her cheshire grin at Thomas’s mother as Thomas stepped away from the counter, wishing with all his might that in this very moment he could be less famous. Just for a moment. Just for this dinner.

“Here’s your drink, you left it behind.” Thomas’s mother held out his cup of tea to him, looking slightly annoyed. 

“Thanks.” Thomas shook his head, taking the cup. “Sorry, I’m not really myself today.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” His mother was busying herself with getting cups of ketchup, packets of salt, and napkins. 

“I don’t know.” Thomas admitted. “Where do you want to sit?”

The two looked across the empty restaurant. 

“So few options.” Thomas’s mother smirked. “How about by the window, in that booth?”

“Sounds good.”

Within a few moments the two were sitting down, dividing up food from the tray. Thomas looked out the window, at the peaceful passing cars under the now darkened sky. He reached for his drink and took a sip, still staring, still thinking.

“So do you want to tell me what’s on your mind?” Thomas’s mother asked, getting straight to the point as she made a small plate for herself out of napkins.

“Did Joan put you up to this?” Thomas turned back to her and reached for a fry, the first thing he’d eaten in two days.

“I saw some posts that were a bit… concerning.” Thomas’s mother looked up at him, her eyes filled with concern. “You don’t normally get so personal to your followers.”

“Hmm.” Thomas shrugged, unable to remember the snaps and tweets that Joan had mentioned previously. “What did I say?” He asked as nonchalantly as possible, unwrapping his sandwich.

“You don’t know what you said?” 

Thomas watched as his mother cocked an eyebrow and shook his head no.

“Well… it didn’t make much sense, to be honest. A lot of babbling. You kept repeating yourself. And then you showed your apartment and it was such a mess.” She began to unwrap her own sandwich, Thomas taking a bite out of his, suddenly feeling his appetite drop. 

“Covered in papers?” Thomas mused, swallowing.

“Yes, actually.” Thomas’s mother took her turn to stare out the window. “Honey, I think you need to see a doctor.”

Thomas looked down at the table, setting down his sandwich, considering it. He couldn’t talk to his sides. He had acted irrationally in front of a police officer. He pressed his lips together, remembering the nightmare, and thought of the flurry of ideas that hadn’t let him go, that had kept him awake for two days. 

“What would I tell them?” He pondered aloud.

“The truth.” She patted the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “That’s the most important thing to tell them.” 

“Hmm.” Thomas looked down at his sandwich, trying to will himself to eat. “I’m going to run to the bathroom.” 

“Okay.” Thomas’s mother watched as her son walked across the restaurant, looking away from the cashier, who was now pointing to him indiscreetly, and ducked into the bathroom.

He shut the door and found himself in a single user stall. Grateful, he locked the door behind him, and sank to his knees, feeling more lost than before.

Maybe going to a doctor wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Maybe a doctor could help him get back on track. Maybe they could even help get the sides back. He got out his phone and typed a small text to Joan.

_ Won’t be available tomorrow. Gonna try and see a doctor.  _

He wondered for a moment if he should take them with him, but decided against it. This felt like a bigger issue than one he should ask Joan or Talyn to handle.

* * *

  
  
  


Thomas’s mother watched as he sat down across from her in the booth, and looked awkwardly at his hands. 

“Okay.”

“Okay what?” She prodded.

“I’ll see a doctor.” Thomas looked up, watching for his mother’s reaction. 

For a moment, the two stared at each other. Then his mother answered, her tone friendly, concerned, but most of all accepting. “Okay.”

* * *

  
  
  


Thomas stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom, ukulele on his stomach, back on his bed. It was dark outside and in the room, something he found strangely comforting. He and his mother had spent no less than four hours picking up every paper in the house and throwing them away. It had filled several trash bags and been exhausting work, but Thomas couldn’t help feeling extremely grateful. When she had left, he had considered for a moment asking to go home. To spend the night in their guest room, to not be alone. He reflected on the unpredictability of his recent behaviors and decided against it, watching her pull slowly out of the driveway, away from him, away from whatever was going on inside his head.

“Roman?” He called out, no longer hopeful.

Roman didn’t come.

He absently strummed on the stringed instrument, watching every now and again as headlights from outside lit up his room and turned away. He sang quietly to himself, not producing words, but instead syllables, something comforting to him even then. There was peace now, yes. But how long would it last? And where was everything else coming from?

“Oh heart, oh heart, stop making a fool of me…” he half sang, half whispered, watching as another car drove by. “Patton?” He wondered aloud. Nothing happened.

Thomas set the ukulele down next to the bed, gently, and folded his hands on his stomach. He liked it here in the semi dark of night, alone in his room, undisturbed. He took a deep breath, urging the feeling of relief that came with a deep breath to fill him. But nothing did.

“What is wrong with me?” He wondered aloud. “Is anything wrong with me? Maybe these are just things people do.” He said aloud to himself. “I mean, people do weird things. They’re usually in control of those things, but they do them. Right?” He ran his left hand through his hair and pointed up at the ceiling. “People do weird, crazy, random stuff all the time and it doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t make them less of a person.” He lowered his arm. “I’m not less of a person, I’m just -” He stopped, unable to find a word to finish the sentence. 

* * *

  
  


“Hi, how can I help you?” 

Thomas looked at the woman sitting across from him behind a glass door and tried to will himself to be brave. “Hi, I made an appointment with Dr. Parker?” 

“Alrighty then… Last name?” The woman began to type on her mysterious little screen.

“Sanders.”

“Date of birth?” She asked, clicking on something else.

“April twenty-fourth… 1989.” Thomas replied dutifully.

“Alright, I’ll let them know you’re here.” She said happily.

“Thanks.” Thomas tried, once again, to not be put off by customer-service style charm, and sat down across the room, contemplating what was about to happen. He had barely sat down when he heard his name called out.

“Thomas Sanders?”

Thomas walked up to a male nurse who was holding a clipboard and wearing green scrubs. “Hi.” 

“Right this way.” The nurse seemed less plastic than the woman at the front desk. Thomas immediately reflected on how much he liked this in comparison. “Just gonna get your height and weight…”

* * *

  
  


Thomas flipped through his instagram feed, waiting awkwardly on the edge of a paper sheeted bed. He set the phone down and sighed, wondering what on earth he was going to say, what he was going to do. He looked next to him and saw a generic looking painting of a landscape, and then curiously looked at the cabinets along the opposite wall. Each bore a tiny lock, and Thomas figured out quickly that it would be pointless to attempt to see what their contents were. 

Two knocks.

Thomas looked to his right to see the door swinging open. He smiled at the man who had become his primary physician. “Hey, Doc.”

“Hey Thomas.” Dr. Parker smiled back at him, his charm genuine rather than superficial. He sat on a little stool and set down his laptop on the small, rolling table in front of it. “What’s going on today? What’s got you in here?” 

“Just came to say hi.” Thomas joked.

“You can say hi without a twenty dollar co-pay. What’s really going on?” That was one thing Thomas had always appreciated about his doctor - his ability to get right to the point.

“Well… I’m not actually sure.” Thomas looked down at his jeans, trying to figure out how to articulate everything on his mind. “I’m not even sure you can help me.”

“Well let’s see if I can.” Dr. Parker looked at him inquisitively, more as a friend than as a patient. 

“I’m not even sure I need help.” Thomas admitted. “My mom suggested I come in here-”

“Ah, moms. Always wanting what’s best for us.” 

“Right?” Thomas snickered. “Really, though… she was concerned. Is concerned, I guess. So are my friends.” He paused. “So am I.”

“What are they concerned about?” Dr. Parker sat back, looking up at Thomas expectantly.

Thomas nervously drummed his fingers. “Well, I’m not - I’m not acting like myself.” 

“In what ways are you not acting like yourself?” 

Thomas sighed, trying to fight through the urge to stand up and leave the appointment altogether. “You’ll think I’m crazy.” He felt less confident, smaller than he had when he’d walked in.

“I think everyone’s probably a little crazy.” Dr. Parker leaned back, crossing his arms. “Did I ever tell you about my first wife?” 

Thomas shook his head, brows raised. “No?”

“She tried to stab me with a kitchen knife. Said she’d seen me flirting with some girl at a restaurant.” Dr. Parker laughed heartily.

“...were you?” Thomas asked, unsure if he was allowed.

“That girl was my sister.” The doctor sat forward and looked at Thomas with a raised eyebrow. “But I ask you - who’s crazy in that situation? Her for doing it, or me for marrying her?”

“Her for doing it.” Thomas let himself have a small laugh. “Definitely.”

“Eh. I think we both were. The point is - even if you are crazy, this is not a place of judgement.” Dr. Parker looked at Thomas and gave a small, encouraging nod. “And it’s doctor patient confidentiality anyway. So even if I think you’re nuts, I can’t tell anyone.”

Thomas found himself feeling more confident. “Promise?”

“Promise.” Dr. Parker held out his hand, and Thomas took it and shook it.

“Okay. Well it started a couple of days ago at a Wal-Mart…”

* * *

  
  


Thomas walked out of the doctor’s office, feeling both confused and relieved. He looked down at the referral in his hand. 

“A psychiatrist?” He asked himself quietly. He stuffed the paper in his pocket, feeling unsure of what was to come.


	11. Unicorn Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman starts to face his fear.  
> Warnings... uhm... how do I say this without spoilers... eating? Also car accident.  
> Also the poem Roman sings - that is not by me, I did not write that. That is Ragged John by Beatrice Farrington.

“We have to do something eventually, you know.” Patton murmured, adding a few sticks to their makeshift fire. “I don’t want to just sit here forever.”

“No - the logical course of action is, objectively, to stay put.” Logan shrugged uncomfortably, drawing up the blanket Roman had conjured for him around his shoulders. “If we are alone… we all know what happens then.”

The sides sat clustered around the fire, staring into its warmth, as they had for the past two days. After Virgil had pointed out that their adventures may be adversely affecting Thomas - it was hard to tell, but worrisome since none could contact him - Logan had suggested they stay put, and no one could come up with a sound argument as to what to do otherwise.

“We could-”

“No.” Logan shook his head at Roman. “No.” 

Roman snapped a stick in his hand. “We can’t just sit here indefinitely, Logan. Eventually we’ve got to get back to Thomas.”

“Maybe we don’t. We exist whether or not we interact with him, right?” Logan peeled some bark off a stick and tossed it into the flames. “Maybe it’s better if we stay here.”

“Maybe it’s because of whatever you were so afraid of.” Virgil muttered, plucking up some grass. 

“What did happen when you were asleep, Logan?” Patton looked at Logan with a furrowed brow. “You can tell us, you know.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Logan shook his head. “What matters is you all brought me back. I’m very grateful.” The other three stared at him as he adjusted his glasses and looked away. “Would you all stop looking at me all the time like I’m Vir- like I’m fragile? I’m fine.”

Virgil drew his sweatshirt and blanket further around his shoulders, staring at the ground. He felt a hand on his back and looked to see that Patton was giving him a pat through the blanket. He smiled at him and looked back at his hands, his wrist, and tried to think of nothing at all.

“We need more firewood.” Roman declared. Without waiting for a response, he stood up. “I can only conjure so much fire, guys.” He turned and began to walk into the woods.

“Don’t go far. You know what happens-”

“When we’re alone, yes, Logan, you figured it out, bravo.” Roman said snidely as he walked away from the camp. 

“So… wanna tell ghost stories?” Virgil asked Logan and Patton, smiling slightly.

* * *

  
  


“A psychiatrist?” Joan took the paper from Thomas and stared at it like it was from another planet. “I mean… that’s a little extreme, isn’t it?”

“Maybe?” Thomas shrugged, reaching to take the paper from them. “I don’t know if it isn’t.”

“I think it’s a great idea.” Talyn took a sip from their coke and set it back on the restaurant table. “I mean, you were acting pretty manic.”

“What’s that?” Thomas asked, folding the paper back up and putting it in his pocket.

“It’s like - people get really, really happy, but then they kind of lose touch with reality.” Talyn put their head on their hand and sighed. “It was tiring just watching you put up all those papers.”

“It was tiring cleaning them up, too.” Thomas fidgeted with his straw but quickly became annoyed at the sound and stopped. “My mom came over and we got it all thrown away.” He added, by way of explanation.

“That’s good, at least.” Joan nodded. “Is she the one who suggested the psychiatrist?”

“No, actually. My doctor did.” Thomas gave a half cocked smile. “He was really understanding and everything, but said he couldn’t help me.”

“Hmm.” Talyn picked up a chicken nugget and began to walk it across the table. “Hey Thomas?”

“Yeah?” Thomas asked, watching as they made the nugget dramatically dive into a cup of ketchup. 

“Promise me you’ll actually go. Not just think about it - but go.” Talyn bit off the edge of the nugget and swallowed. “Okay?”

“I will.” Thomas gave a small nod. “I promise, I mean.”

“Do you have an appointment yet?” Joan asked, taking a sip from their sprite. 

“Yeah - it’s like an hour away, but everywhere else was a six month wait. So I have to go to Orlando.” Thomas watched as Joan and Talyn’s eyes grew wide. “I know - I thought it was a long time too.”

“That’s ridiculous. I mean what if you actually have a problem?” Joan shook their head. “I mean - obviously you do have a problem.” They held up their hand. “Wait - that came out wrong.”

“It’s okay.” Thomas took a deep breath and leaned back in the booth. “I think I might. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay if you do.” Talyn interjected. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I mean.. We’ve all got stuff to deal with. It’s fine.” They smiled. “And it’s not like we’ll stop being your friends.”

“Yeah, you’ve always got us.” Joan agreed.

“Thanks.” Thomas chuckled softly. “That’s really… just... Thanks.”

* * *

  
  
  


Roman stepped further into the forest, a thirst for adventure strong in his stomach. To just sit there, all night and all day, arguing with the others - it was too much. Logan especially was getting under his skin. It was supposed to be and adventure, after all. Where was the adventuring if all you were willing to do was sit in front of a camp fire?

“And besides…” Roman said aloud to himself, “I didn’t mean for it to go this badly.”

He looked at the moon and grinned at how bright it was, smiling at his own brilliance in coming up with such a complex world for them to go to. It was alright to take pride in his accomplishments, after all - even if the other sides couldn’t appreciate it.

And it wasn’t as if he’d meant to hurt Virgil.

Or Logan. He would never intentionally hurt either of them. 

Things were just… out of control.

Roman walked deeper into the woods, coming upon a clear pool under the moon, and sighed, looking at its beauty. He chuckled. Could the other sides create such a complex world? He didn’t think so. He sat down in front of the pond, reaching into its cool waters, wishing the others could see how much effort he had put into the world they were in. Yes, things were not great. But… he shook his head. It wasn’t as if he’d meant to be damaging. Intentions mattered more than outcome… right?

There was a small snort. Roman looked up, startled - and saw a beautiful white unicorn standing in the soft starlight across from him. 

“Wow…” He breathed. It was just so beautiful. It was muscular and majestic, its white fur silver in shadows. It almost seemed like it was glowing, like it was giving light to the moon, rather than the moon reflecting off of it. Roman was in awe.

He stood, slowly, trying to remember what he’d read about the art of taming and capturing unicorns. Perhaps this animal could help them on their quest to get back to Thomas - no matter how much Logan didn’t like the thought of continuing on. 

Unicorns enjoyed songs from blonde maidens, and could be tamed by a blonde woman with a golden bridal. He looked down at his hand, the golden bridle already having been formed by his imagination. Would he be enough to reign in the animal? 

He began to sing, softly, without any particular tune, the poem of Ragged John. 

“Tattered clothes all fluttering… worn out voice still muttering.. Ragged John comes knocking… at all the doors in town…”

Roman began to step forward, slowly, still gently singing.

“And when a door swings open… Then you can hear the hop in the thin, cracked voice that wonders if you’ve seen his unicorn.”

Roman was edging around the pond now. The unicorn was listening, staring at him.

“And we all know John is crazy… and his mind has gone all hazy… and the only thing we really wish is that he would just let… us… be.” 

Roman was about five feet away from the unicorn now.

“But John, he keeps on questing. And the poor man knows no resting - for there’s something hurt within him, and the pain won’t go away.” 

Roman stopped, staring at the beautiful beast, merely a foot away.

“I’ve heard when John was younger he was taken with a hunger to see the white horned wonder they call the unicorn… But when that star-horned, moon-maned dancer finally called - John could not answer; fear held him like a prisoner, and he watched it walk away.” 

Roman reached his hand, gently, for the unicorn’s nose, waiting, and continued to sing softly, for the poem was not quite done.

“So now empty-eyed John hobbles across the village cobbles and the only fear he feels is it will never come again. Oh, when I watch old Ragged John go staggering by and wondering on, I know there’s nothing sadder than a heart that feared its dreams.”

Roman felt the unicorn breathing on his hand. He could barely dare to breathe, but continued on. 

“If a unicorn should call you some moon-mad night all washed in dew, then here’s the prayer to whisper…”

He felt the unicorn touch him, gently, and sang the last line at a whisper.

“Grant me the heart to follow.” 

* * *

  
  


Thomas, Talyn, and Joan all walked together out of the restaurant, feeling better with food in their bellies. He opened the car doors, Joan climbing into the passenger’s seat and Talyn climbing into the back, and went to turn the ignition. 

“Alright, when we get back to my place maybe we can figure out the next Sanders’ Sides video. Or… something else.” He added, remembering that the sides had been absent as of late.

“Sounds like a plan. Back to work and back at it.” Joan gave an encouraging thumbs up as Thomas started the car. 

He began to pull out, but then noticed something dancing at the edge of his vision. Shaking his head, he continued the motion. But it didn’t go away. It was a grey spot, in the upper right hand corner of his eyes, moving, dancing, spreading…

Thomas looked at Joan through his peripheral vision. Their screen was grey, their outfit was grey. He shook his head and continued driving, giving a few fast blinks, trying to ignore the problem. 

* * *

  
  


Roman watched as the unicorn breathed into his hand and smiled. He went to pat it, but suddenly found that moving his hand away was difficult. He was pulling away at the unicorn; a great sticky, tarry substance all over his fingers. He tried to pull away harder, but the animal remained resolute. Its once beautiful, silver hair was slowly turning black. It was a darkness that light could not escape, that nothing could escape. Roman felt himself pulled towards it and yelled, trying to pull away, but his hand was stuck. He saw the jaws of the animal open unnaturally wide, ready to swallow him into darkness. Roman reached for his sword, but it wasn’t there - he’d left it on the ground at the camp. He cried out, suddenly surrounded by the mouth, pulled into a deep, wet, warm esophagus, straight into the belly of the beast. 

* * *

  
  


“Thomas, you okay bud?” Joan asked, looking up from their phone. Thomas usually wasn’t this silent while driving. 

“Yeah… sorry guys.” He looked up, slowing down at the intersection. “Is that light green?” The three of them jumped, hearing a honk behind the car.

“I think so, yeah.” Joan nodded, eyes wide. “Thomas, what’s going on?”

“Nothing - it’s fine. I’m fine.” Thomas watched as grey tail lights sped in front of him, things divided into different tones of black and white. “I’m fine.”

“You said you’d tell us if something happened.” Talyn pointed out. The car approached another intersection.

Thomas sighed, driving forward, assuming the light was still green. “I’m fine, I’m just-”

Thomas didn’t get to finish his sentence; the car went spinning, slammed into by another SUV. Thomas tried to get the car back in his control. Everything was so loud; metal crunched on metal, Talyn screamed, and Joan’s head was caught by an airbag before it hit the dashboard. Thomas felt his heart hammering against his ribs as the car finally slowed. He breathed fast, still panicked, and looked to his right at Joan. 

“Joan… buddy. Joan?” Thomas reached out, gently shaking the shoulder of one of his best friends. Joan groaned, but didn’t move. He turned to the back. “Talyn?”

Talyn looked at him, terrified, but nodded. “I’m okay.”

Thomas let out a breath of relief. “Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.” He tightly shut his eyes, but a tear of relief ran down his cheek anyway. “Oh my goodness.”

“Should I call 911?” Talyn asked, looking to the front at Joan.

“Yeah…” Thomas nodded, still breathing hard. “Yeah.” He looked at all the traffic stopped around them and looked at the other car, whose side was smashed. He looked up at the grey light and saw that the topmost one, while grey, was still lit. Thomas had ran a red light without even knowing it.

* * *

  
  
  


“Roman’s been gone a pretty long time. Maybe we should look for him?” Patton whispered so as not to wake Virgil, who was lying asleep in his lap.

“I don’t think so.” Logan shook his head. “Not until the sun has come up, at least.” 

Patton absently threw another stick into the dying fire. “At least tell me what it is we woke you up from.” 

“I’d rather not. There would be no point in that.” Logan shook his head, determinedly looking away from Patton. The two stared into the fire, eyes growing tired.

There was a great shake, like an earthquake, coming from the dirt below and shooting through each of them. Virgil snapped up, looking at Patton and Logan. “What was that?”

“I don’t know.” Logan watched as Patton stood up, discarding his blanket.

“We need to find Roman.” Patton demanded. “Now.”

“Now, Patton, we’ve been over this. If we separate-”

“No. You’ve been over it. Roman’s been gone too long.” Patton shook his head, straightening his cardigan over his shoulders. “I’m sick of sitting here, hoping we magically figure out how to get back. That’s not how it works.” He seemed valiant, determined. “I have to face my fear. But for all we know, Roman’s already facing his. And I’m not going to just sit here and hope that he makes it out on his own.” 

“Patton, wait.” Logan watched as Patton began to walk away from the clearing. Virgil stood up, shrugging his shoulders at Logan. 

“It’s go time, dude.” 


	12. Macbeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Macbeth is bad luck in the theater.  
> Warnings: car accident, mention of injury?, death, vomiting, animal death... I think I got everything, let me know if I missed something you need.

Roman was choking, his throat and lungs filling rapidly with a burning sensation, some kind of liquid. He tried to cough but only found himself choking more, sputtering, swallowing more of the stuff. There was no air to breathe, no air with which to scream. A massive heat surrounded him from all angles, making him feel weak, sleepy. He tried to blink but couldn’t tell if he had; there was only darkness, everywhere, darkness.

He began to see something swimming in his vision; a light brown platform, surrounded by thick velvet curtains. A stage? It began to become sharper around the edges as Roman began to lose consciousness, drifting into a nightmare.

* * *

  
  


Thomas sat with his car door open, trying to look the officer in the eye, but not quite able to bring himself to do so. He looked over at the ambulance, where Joan sat being checked by an EMT. Talyn was leaning on the car next to him and had grown very quiet. 

“So - it was an accident.” He heard himself saying, voice feeling strangely disconnected from his body. He looked over at the ambulance. “Is Joan okay?”

“He’ll be fine.” Thomas twitched for a second at the officer’s misgendering, but couldn’t find it in him to correct her. He looked over at Talyn, who was staring off into the traffic that was moving around them, staring at the two cars, gaping at the spectacle. Thomas was getting used to seeing the world in shades of grey - a fact he had mentioned to Talyn, but not the police. He looked at Talyn, who still wouldn’t look at him, and back at the officer. 

“What about the other car?” He prodded, worry in his stomach. “What about the other driver.”

“Kid…” The officer gave him a saddened look. “The ambulance isn’t just here for you guys.” 

Thomas cursed under his breath. “What happens now?”

“Well, for now you and your friends here will need to find a tow for the car, and for yourselves.” She said sympathetically. “I’m sorry that you had your first accident.”

“It’s fine.” Thomas was staring at Joan again as Joan was asked to step aside so that a person could be lifted in on a gurney. He tightened his fists and bit his lip, still not looking at her. “The other driver isn’t, though.”

* * *

  
  
  


“Roman!” Patton called, walking quickly through the woods. “Roman!”

“Hey - slow down, dad.” Virgil did a quick hop-skip-jog over to Patton, who turned to look at him. “You might need this.” He added, panting, holding Roman’s sword.

“Oh gosh! Thank you!” Patton took the weapon with unnatural enthusiasm only to feel the blade drop. “Woah - this is heavier than I thought.” He turned to Patton, smiling. “Thank you. Are you sure you don’t want it?” 

“I think you can use it more than I can.” Virgil shrugged. 

“Is Logan coming?” Patton asked, turning to move forward, traipsing through the wood. 

“He should be.” Virgil grimaced. “Coward.” 

“Now… Virgil. Do be kind.” Patton brushed a branch out of his face and continued on, squinting under the starlight. “We don’t know what he saw.”

“We’d know if he just manned up and told us.” Virgil said dryly. “You all know what I saw.”

“Yes… but your fears are also a bit more… predictable.” Patton smiled upon coming to a clearing, where there was a large pond. “Oh, this is lovely.” He said quietly, looking up at the unnaturally large moon.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Virgil brushed his still throbbing arm against a branch and pulled it closer to his body. 

“Well… it makes sense that you would be afraid of us deciding we don’t need you. We do need you. But if you thought we didn’t…” Patton glanced back at Virgil and looked at his arm, the bandages hidden by his hoodie sleeve. “Well, the dragon witch doesn’t have to worry about… someone else taking you out. Is what I’m saying.”

Virgil stared out at the pool, conflicted. “I’m… my own bad guy.” He said quietly, fingers pulling at his sleeve, the muscles aching with every movement. 

“In a way… we all are.” Patton gave Virgil a small pat on the back and looked out across the pool. “We all have something in common with you, Virgil. We all fear. It’s just - you fear a lot more intensely. And you fear yourself, the power you have.” He looked down at Roman’s sword thoughtfully. “Maybe that’s what Logan fears too. Maybe he’s afraid of the power he has. We all only work if we’re in balance. And out here…” He gestured to the darkness of the woods. “Out here, if we’re alone, we’re the ones who have to make it better again. And if we can’t do that - we can’t be there for Thomas.” He looked at Virgil with a deep pain, the kind of pain that came from losing a loved one. “We do need you. And we need to accept the parts of us that reflect you. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. You fought the fear the best way you knew how. We should’ve been there with you to fight it. But you - you responded the only way that you could. Just as Logan responded the only way he could, and I will respond the only way I can. It’s who we are.” He drew the sword and struck a pose. “And as Roman would say, the only way to win the battle is to fight it.”

Virgil gave a small smile, still looking thoughtfully over the gently illuminated water. “So there’s… nothing wrong with me?”

“Not a thing.” Patton looked over across the pool, admiring its beauty in the well of darkness around them. “Not a thing.” 

* * *

  
  


Thomas walked into his apartment, fuming, shutting the door harder than intended. He opened his phone - hundreds of new notifications on social media. He stuffed it back in his pocket, not intent on seeing what the internet thought of his car wreck. He felt himself overcome with a burning sensation in his throat and lungs. It rose up out of him in anger, a shout erupting from his body that he didn’t think he was capable of. He took a deep breath, shutting his eyes, trying to think of peaceful things. All he could focus on, though, was that color was not restored to his vision. Everything was in black and white, and he had hurt someone. 

“Guys, this isn’t funny any more.” He snapped, pacing the living room. “Whatever you’re doing - it’s messing with me and it needs to stop.”

He looked around, waiting for a response from the sides. Patton to smile at him and encourage him. Logan to explain, rationally, what had happened. Roman to say he would fight the evil. And Virgil to scowl and say that it would be okay. Nothing. 

“Someone got hurt because I can’t see and I don’t know - I don’t know what’s going on. Please.” His tone turned from anger to desperation as he looked around his living room, still hopeful. “First there was Wal-Mart and then I couldn’t stop doing things and now…” He choked and swallowed, willing himself to speak. “Now someone’s hurt and it’s - it- I can’t handle this.” 

Thomas sat down on his couch, anger still radiating out of him, looking at the black and white world around him and feeling more alone than he had in years. He felt a tear roll down his cheek, then another and another. What was going to happen to the man who had been driving the other SUV? He tried to remind himself it was an accident - but it didn’t feel right. It had been his fault. It had been his fault for not asking Joan or Talyn to drive, it had been his fault for ignoring the grey spot. He pulled at his hair in frustration and let out a deep, shuddering sob, watching as grey tears darkened spots on his light grey jeans. He heard his phone going off and pulled it out of his pocket - his father was calling. Thomas took a deep breath, trying to get himself to calm down enough for a conversation, but instead only became more distressed. He set the phone down next to him and tried to breathe, but only shuddering gasps came out.

* * *

  
  
  


Roman looked out onto the stage as a young Thomas walked out onto it. He held a script in his shaky hand and looked out into the crowd. He quietly began to speak. 

“...is that a dagger that I see before me? The handle towards my…” He looked down at the paper. “Towards my hand? Come, let me clutch - let me clutch thee. I have thee not - oh, no. I have thee yet-”

“Boo!” Roman turned to a voice coming from the right side, which was obscured in shadow. 

“Get off the stage!” Another voice, another figure in shadow. But that voice - it sounded so  _ familiar _ . 

Thomas looked out at the crowd, continuing to stammer through his monologue. “I see thee now, in form as palpa-palpable as - as this which now I draw. Thou marsh… marshall…. Marsh…”

“Go home!” 

Roman watched as a tomato smacked Thomas in the face, exploding, hitting the ground with a wet plop. Thomas moved his hand to his face, gasping, lip trembling. 

Roman stood up, looking at the rest of the crowd, who were suddenly in every seat, every corner. “That’s enough! He doesn't’ have a lot of experience yet, leave him be!”

“You would know.” A voice next to him snapped. He turned and gasped, stumbling backwards, into the person behind him. The auditorium house lights went up and he saw it - him. 

Hundreds of Romans, all sneering, all booing Thomas, telling him he wasn’t good enough, that his dreams were unattainable. Roman watched as another threw a tomato at him, which smacked him upside the head. Thomas wailed in pain and stood there, clutching his paper, crying.

“Thomas - get off the stage!” Roman yelled, trying to overcome the increasingly loud crowd. “It’s for your own safety!” He began to try to jump over the other’s legs, inching his way to the aisle. “You are good enough! You are!”

Thomas was hit with another tomato, and then a water balloon. He held his arms over his head for protection, the script still in his hand, now crumpled and torn.

The voices around Roman were louder, louder. Roman could feel his own voice drowned by the crowd, drowned out by the booing. He tried to climb over the others, but the aisle was endless. He continued to yell encouragement at Thomas, but it was drowned out by self doubt, drowned out by the sounds of the booing Romans. He watched as they continued to throw food at Thomas, Thomas flinching slightly at each hit. He couldn’t hear if Thomas was crying out. 

“Thomas! I’ll save you - I’ll save you. They’re wrong!” Roman continued to try and step over the crowd and then felt a tug at his ankle, another on his sleeve. He pulled and heard the tear of fabric, but didn’t care. “Thomas!” Roman was being pulled down in a sea of Romans, all them holding him back, holding him down. He turned behind him and saw they were smiling. A swarm of smiling, identical Romans, Romans who weren’t quite Roman, Romans whose eyes were black instead of brown, Romans who didn’t want him to help Thomas. Roman turned towards Thomas, the chairs now gone, reaching for his small, cowering body as he was pulled down by the sea of his own self doubt and deprecation. 

* * *

  
  


“Do you see that?” Virgil pointed to a small glimmer of silver light in the woods, reflecting through the trees. 

“Yes.” Patton began to circle the pond, carefully holding the sword. “We can’t wait for Logan any more.” 

Virgil glanced around them and nodded. “Right.” He began to tiptoe forward.

The two slowly made their way to the other side of the pond, all the time eyeing the silver light. It began to come into focus through the trees and Patton stopped dead in his tracks, breathless. 

“Patton?” Virgil asked, stepping forward, only to be stopped by Patton’s hand on his chest. Patton pointed, slowly, and lowered his hand, gaping at the great white horned wonder that is the unicorn. 

“Woah….” Virgil muttered. He squinted and frowned. “Wait.” 

“What?” Patton barely let his voice whisper.

“What’s that in his mouth?” Virgil asked, also pointing.

Patton leaned forward, sword still in hand, watching the beast chew on something. It was silky and red. He glanced back at Virgil. “It looks like Roman’s sash. But this is a unicorn. They don’t eat people. They’re super pure.” He looked back at the animal as it sniffed. “And gorgeous.” 

“I don’t think that’s a unicorn.” Virgil muttered. “Something feels wrong with it.” 

“If only Logan were here. He’d know.” Patton sighed. “Should I pet it?” 

“Well…” Virgil shrugged. “I would rather you didn’t. But I can’t stop you.” 

Patton let out a tiny squeal of joy, set his sword down, and began to inch forward, his hand outstretched, gently approaching the beast. 

* * *

  
  


Joan looked at their phone, hearing the familiar buzzing. They picked it up and viewed the notification.

 

Talyn: you feeling any better?

Joan: I have a pretty big headache, but that’s about it. They said I don’t have a concussion. How about you?

Talyn: I’m fine, just a bruise where my seatbelt was.

Talyn: I don’t know what to do with Thomas after this.

Joan: …

Talyn: did he tell you why we crashed?

Joan: accident, right?

Talyn: sort of… he says he cant see color now? Couldnt see the light?

Talyn: something’s really wrong with Thomas.

Talyn: did you see the lastest tweet?

Joan: no

Talyn: he said he’s not doing anything with the sides any more. He said “I’m sorry but the sides have been a handful lately. Would’ve loved to keep making the videos but can’t. Looking forward to bigger and better projects in the future.” 

Joan: ….he can’t just do that... can he? 

Joan: without even talking to us?

Talyn: …

Talyn: i think he just did.

* * *

  
  


Logan stared into the fire at his feet, which was barely more than embers. He took off his glasses and looked around at the forest, trying to determine the best course of action. He glanced around, wondering why Roman hadn’t invented any animals for the woods. 

Maybe he had, and Logan just hadn’t seen them yet.

Reflecting on the idea that it would be unsafe to be around the woods without a fire, Logan begrudgingly turned and and began to walk in the direction that Patton and Virgil had wandered off in.

“Idiots. We’re all going to get ourselves killed out here.” He muttered. Why had any of them agreed to go on this adventure in the first place was, at this point, beyond him. Roman refusing to take any responsibility was just icing on the cake. 

Logan saw, reflecting through the trees, a pond. He began to walk towards it more quickly, eager to quench his thirst. Upon approaching the pool of water, he stopped. A few feet away, in the thicket of trees, was visible a light blue shirt. Patton.

“Wonder what they’ve found now.” Logan grumbled, walking around the edge of the water, still wishing he had some way to quench his thirst. As he got closer, he could see that Patton was reaching for something silvery. He began to walk more swiftly, trying to make as little noise as possible. Patton was taking small, gentle steps forward, reaching out to a unicorn. Only… 

“Patton!” Logan screamed, running forward.

“Huh?” Patton and Virgil turned to see Logan running towards them. 

Logan lunged forward and grabbed the sword off the ground, thrusting it into the head of the beast just as its jaws were beginning to widen. There was a cry of pain and anguish; the beast’s eyes turned black, its fur dulled, and it reared on its hind legs. Logan ran backwards, pushing Patton and Virgil backwards as well. They watched as the beast struggled for a moment before falling, dead, to the forest floor.

“Logan - what - what the - hey!” Patton’s eyes were wide with bewilderment. He watched as Logan picked up a piece of red silk from the ground and held it out to Patton. Patton took it, Virgil still watching with bewilderment. Logan moved forward and drew the sword out of the head of the thing. He sighed and looked at the beast’s stomach. 

“I think Roman’s in there.” Without waiting for a cue from the others, he took the sword and made an eerily surgical incision into the belly of the beast. 

* * *

  
  


Thomas put his phone down on his couch, staring into space absently, unsure about his decision. He laid sideways on the couch, television on, still displaying in black and white. 

“I didn’t know what else to do.” He muttered to no one. “I’m sorry.”

He rolled on his back, exhausted, ignoring the new text notification from Talyn and Joan. 

* * *

  
  


Roman was drowning in himself, in his own ego. He was trying to scream, to get to the small Thomas on stage, but was unable to do so. He could still hear them yelling. He closed his eyes, resigned, exhausted. He couldn’t think any more. The world was going black, the pressure suffocating him. He felt his body relax and tire, the voices swimming away, with the rest of the world, into nothing.

* * *

  
  


Patton turned away from the scene of dissection, vomiting. “Oh geez, that’s - that’s awful. That’s a unicorn, Logan!” He wiped his mouth with his hand but remained turned away, bent over, hands on his knees. “You killed a unicorn.”

“No, I killed a monster.” Logan said quietly, acting with the precision of a surgeon. “And soon I will prove that I’m - hello.” He stepped back, took off his shirt, and wrapped it around his hand before reaching inside to grab Roman’s hand. There was a horrible sound like blood being sucked from a tube and Virgil gasped as Logan pulled Roman, unconscious, out of the belly of the beast. 

“Woah.” Virgil muttered as Logan began to check Roman’s slimey body for vital signs. “Is he -”

“He’s not breathing.” Logan said quietly.

Patton turned back towards them, eyes wide with shock. “He’s what?” 

“He’s not breathing. I’m starting chest compressions.” Logan began to perform chest compressions found in CPR.

“You said we can’t die!” Patton screamed, tears running down his face. “You said that. You said that!” 

Logan opened Roman’s mouth and closed his nose, leaning his head back, grateful for the CPR training Thomas had received one summer. He breathed into Roman’s mouth, watching his chest rise and fall, before returning to the compressions. 

“I have an idea.” Virgil raised his hand. 

“Virgil, I’ve got this.” Logan threw his hand back dismissively, tilting Roman’s head back again. 

“Would you just let me tell you my idea?” Virgil asked, still timid, watching Roman’s chest rise and fall. 

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” Logan couldn’t hide the worry in his voice, though. He looked at Patton, who was crying helplessly. “Wait. I have an idea too.”

“Okay, what’s your idea, Mr. Bossy?” Virgil snapped, watching as Logan continued chest compressions. 

“What if you - and Patton - touch him.” Logan stopped giving compressions and turned to them. “You - Virgil. You can start the heart. And Patton - you’re Thomas’s heart.”

“It’s worth a shot.” Virgil rolled back his sleeve and looked over at Patton. “You in?”

“Of course.” Patton sat on the ground, close to Roman, and Virgil did the same. 

“On three.” Logan instructed. “One. Two.”

* * *

  
  


Thomas felt his lungs fill with fresh air, colors rapidly returning to his vision. He closed his eyes at the dizzying effect and opened them again, looking at everything around him with new fascination. He let out a laugh and stood up, still laughing, turning over his hands. “I can see.” He whispered to no one. “I can see!” Thomas opened up his front door, yelling, “I can -” He stopped. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hello, Thomas.” Joan said, arms crossed. Talyn was behind them, looking just as unhappy. “We need to talk.” 

“Yes, I think we all need to talk.” Thomas looked as a third figure approached them. 

“Hi, dad.” 


	13. Dads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some serious conversations are had.  
> Warnings: mention of self harm, mention of stitches, mention of suffocation, guts, blood mention

Roman coughed and sputtered, his chest convulsing. He turned his head to the side, strange, burning liquid coming out of his mouth, heaving. He leaned back and closed his eyes, still taking short, deep breaths, trying to get used to breathing again. He heard someone speaking - perhaps Logan, he couldn’t be sure - about stepping away from him. He felt a strain on his lungs and, before he knew it, he was leaning over, coughing again, bits of what he’d breathed in coming out onto the ground.

“That’s it… that’s it…” He heard Patton say above him. He felt Patton’s hand on his back, gently rubbing his spine, soothing him. “Get it all out.” 

Roman’s coughing began to slow, his breathing returning to normal, the burning sensation still filling his lungs. He let out a long, trembling breath, Patton still gently rubbing his back, and turned to look at him, only to see that Patton was covering his nose with his cardigan. He could see that he was smiling with his eyes, and his cheeks were stricken with the aftermath of tears. 

“How are you feeling?” Logan asked, surprisingly gentle in tone.

Roman tried to will himself to speak, but nothing came out. Instead he simply nodded, turning back to the ground, and closed his eyes so as not to see his own vomit. “What… I was in a theater…”

“We think you faced your fear.” Virgil piped up. “Oh… and that thing ate you.” 

Roman closed his eyes, remembering the great jaws, the stench, the heat. He nodded again.

“We think you suffocated. But we’re glad to have you back.” Logan said matter of factly. Patton nodded approvingly, too overwhelmed to speak. He leaned back, allowing Roman to sit up. 

Roman was still breathing with difficulty, but looked at the goo and blood on his body and chuckled slightly. “I’m the prince. I’m supposed to slay the monster.” He said weakly. “Who did kill it?” He added, looking behind him at the kelpie’s wounded corpse.

“Logan, actually.” Virgil watched as Roman’s eyes grew wide with shock. “Yeah - he just ran in and stabbed it in the head. Patton was about to pet it, too.”

“I did what was necessary to solve the problem at hand.” Logan said matter of factly. “Roman, I think you might want to conjure up some paper towels. Or a shower.”

“Yeah… we could all use one.” Virgil noted, looking around the group. “We stink, my dudes.” 

“There’s that pool nearby.” Patton pointed out. He frowned. “I’d rather wait til morning, though.”

“That’s logical.” Logan agreed.

“Can we at least move away from the unicorn thing? Or whatever it is? It’s starting to really stink.” Virgil scowled and stood up, looking at Roman. “Can you stand up?”

Roman stretched out his arm, testing his muscles. “Yes. I think so.” The others watched as he stood, gingerly, head still swimming. He flicked his hands, bits of goo and digestive muck splattering on the ground, causing Patton to jump backwards and Virgil to snicker. “Yes… let’s get away from this.” He said, nodding his head towards the kelpie. The others readily agreed, and they all began to make their way towards the pond. 

* * *

  
  


“Come on in.” Thomas gestured towards his living room, stepping out of the doorway to allow Joan, Talyn, and his father to enter his apartment. He closed the door behind him, not sure what to expect, heart pumping. The joy of seeing color again was quickly overtaken by the anxiety of confrontation. He watched as Joan, Talyn, and his father all sat down on the couch. His father gestured for him to sit next to him with a small pat on the furniture, and Thomas reluctantly found his body moving towards the chair.

“So… what’s up?” He asked, trying to keep the nervous twinge he felt out of his voice.

Joan looked at Talyn, who gestured back to Joan, indicating that they start the conversation. Joan put their hands together and sighed.

“I’m not sure how to say this exactly- that is, how to express what I’m feeling towards you right now.” Joan admitted, rubbing their hands together slightly. “But Talyn and I are worried about you. And we’re a bit angry, too.”

“Okay.” Thomas nodded slowly, trying to let the words sink in. He looked at his father, but it was Talyn who resumed the conversation. 

“You put our lives in danger with whatever is going on in your head.” Talyn was quiet naturally, but the accusation in their voice was clear. “You said you would tell us if something happened. Not being able to see color again is something.”

Thomas nodded, looking at his hands, unsure how to respond. When he couldn’t think of anything, he looked up at them, and waited.

“They’re so worried about you that they reached out to me and your mom. She couldn’t come - but when they told me what happened, I understood the concern.” Thomas looked up at his father and tried to piece together what the inflections of his voice said about the situation. Anger? Worry? He couldn’t decide. “Thomas, you put the lives of people around you in danger. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, I do. Of course I understand that.” Thomas found that his voice was angry, but his thoughts were apologetic. “I’m sorry - I didn’t meant it like… I’m sorry.” He looked at each of them in turn, uncertain what to do with himself. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

“Well, that’s great that you’re sorry.” Joan said, a little sarcastically. They looked down at their cuticles, and let out a long, low breath. “I love you. You know that. We all - all of us here love you. But this erratic behavior, this - whatever it is - this has got to be taken care of.” They shook their head, still looking at their nails. Talyn rubbed their knee and they looked up at Thomas with a pained expression. “Why didn’t you say something was going on?”

Thomas shook his head and looked away, running a hand through his hair. “I honestly don’t know. I just - I didn’t want to worry you guys, I think.” 

“Well, not saying something was wrong worried us more. And then some.” Talyn pointed out. “I’m not trying to be angry, I’m just trying to understand why you didn’t tell us.”

“I’m sorry.” Thomas repeated, face now in his hands. He looked up, tears swimming in his eyes. “I… don’t know how the other driver even is. I don’t know what’s going on. I wish I did. I just… I would never intentionally put either of you in danger. Never.” He looked down at the carpet and made fists with his toes, feeling the fibers under his feet. “I’m not myself lately.” He added, his voice especially quiet.

“I want you to come home tonight.” Thomas’s father sounded hurt, like he was the one who was breaking down. Thomas looked up at him, biting his cheek. “Or, I’ll sleep on your couch. From what your friends have told me I don’t feel good about you being by yourself.” 

“Hmm.” Thomas nodded. “Yeah… that’s not a bad idea.” He admitted, looking around the apartment, eyeing the occasional streaks of marker that were still on the walls. “Is mom okay with that?”

“It was her idea.” Thomas’s father said with a slight smile. He glanced around at Talyn and Joan, and then back at Thomas, who was looking distant, removed. “So, am I bringing my stuff in, or are you coming back with me?”

“I’ll go with you.” Thomas stood up, still looking like he wasn’t fully present in the moment. “I kind of want to get away from everything here… at least for a night.”

* * *

  
  


Patton yawned, stretching his still sleepy body as he awoke. He rolled over on the sleeping bag Roman had conjured for him, wiggling out of it, the cool breeze of the morning making him sigh happily. He surveyed the scene: Logan was still asleep, laying on his back, glasses neatly set beside him; Virgil was curled up in a ball in his sleeping bag, making it look as if he’d been swallowed by some variety of silk snake; and Roman’s sleeping bag was empty. Patton glanced to his left, towards the pond, and was surprised to see a shirtless Roman humming to himself, washing water over his body. Patton also noticed that Roman’s blood and gut soaked clothes were laid about on the bank of the pond. 

Patton stood up, slowly, careful not to alert Roman to his being awake. He tiptoed towards the water, setting his cardigan down on the bank and slowly taking off his shoes. He felt the water with his toes and was surprised at how cool it was. Grinning at his idea of a prank, Patton slowly stepped down into the buddy banks, careful to make as little noise as possible. 

“Oh what a beautiful morning…” Roman sang softly, splashing water up into his armpits. “Oh what a beautiful day… I’ve got a beautiful feeling… Everything’s goin- AH!” Roman jumped, having felt something poke his butt. He turned and saw Patton crouching down in the water, laughing. 

“I touched the butt!” Patton laughed, loudly,  falling backwards in the water from laughter.

“Patton I’m -” Roman crouched down, face furiously red. “I’m not decent!” 

“As if I don’t know what you look like.” Patton teased, still giggling.

“What’s going on?” Logan called out into the water, awakened by the ruckus. “Why are you swimming with your clothes on, Patton?” 

“Nothing, nothing’s going on.” Roman called out, still blushing and sinking into the water. 

“I touched the butt!” Patton yelled, still pleased with himself. 

“Patton, you can’t just… you can’t just touch butts.” Logan put on his glasses and allowed himself a quick smirk at Roman’s embarrassment. He watched as Patton began to swim around the pool, Roman still looking embarrassed and covering himself, even though the lower part of his body had never left the water.  

“As if you of all of us would be embarrassed by nudity.” Patton smirked, crouching down so that only his shoulders and head were out of the water. “Why not just conjure up some swim trunks?” 

“Oh… right.” Roman closed his eyes for a second, and then smiled. “Yes. Much better.”

“Good.” Patton smiled cheerily and stood up. “Hey, would you wake up Virgil?” He called to Logan, who was already nudging the sleeping lump.

Virgil groaned with each movement, body exhausted. He poked his head out to see Logan kneeling, hand on the outside of the sleeping bag. “Come on, Virgil. It’s time to get up.”

“Five more minutes.” Virgil moaned, sinking further into the warmth of the sleeping bag.

“Patton humiliated Roman.” Logan said in a sing song voice. Virgil perked up at this, amused. 

“How?” Virgil began to climb out of the sleeping bag, still half asleep but curious.

“Patton said he touched ‘the butt’.” Logan gestured with air quotes. Virgil snickered. 

“This feels good, you guys should get in here with us!” Patton called. Virgil climbed out of his sleeping bag and followed Logan to the banks of the pond, in which Roman and Patton were playing and laughing. 

“This reminds me of… before all this started.” Virgil kicked a small stone into the water and sat down, digging his hands into the cool sand. 

“How’s your arm?” Logan asked, sitting next to him.

“It’s… it hurts, but it’s not unbearable. I guess.” Virgil shrugged. “I can move my fingers and what not, but sometimes it just shoots up my arm, too, and that stinks.”

“Can I see it?” Logan watched as Virgil leaned away from him, taken aback by the idea. “Just from a medical standpoint. I want to make sure you’re okay.” 

Virgil slowly removed his sweatshirt, revealing his pale arms. The left was still bandaged. Bits of red had seeped through in some places, but for the most part it simply looked like he was wrapped in white gauze. Logan pulled a pair of gloves from his pocket and put them on. “Saved these from earlier.” He explained, watching Virgil’s apprehension. “I thought they might come in handy.” 

“Hmm.” Virgil nodded, unsure how to respond, as Logan carefully began to remove the gauze, unwrapping it in a spiraling motion, slowly working his way up the arm. 

“I need to make sure none of your sutures have torn.” He explained. “And we should probably change the bandage.” 

“Sutures?” Virgil watched with morbid fascination as the edge of the wound, bound together, came into view.

“Stitches.” Logan explained casually. He looked out at the pond, where Patton and Roman were playing Marco-Polo. Virgil felt his arm cool as the gauze was unravelled. Logan put it beside him and began to inspect the wound. “It looks good. Nothing appears to have torn.”

“How many did you… that’s a lot.” Virgil stared, unsure what to think of it. “That’s a lot of stitches.”

“It was… fourteen, altogether.” Logan mused. “Are you alright?” He added, watching Virgil look at what he’d done to himself.

“Yeah… I just didn’t realize how much I’d done. I think.” Virgil muttered. He gingerly touched one of the sutures with his opposing hand and ran a finger lightly down the skin around it. “Wow.”

“Are you certain you’re alright?” Logan asked. “You’re not… going down a dark path in your mind, are you?”

Virgil nodded. “I’m fine. Just… I didn’t think about it until now.” He looked out at Roman tackling Patton, the fun the two were having. “I guess I didn’t get much chance.” 

“Things have been quite hectic.” Logan agreed. “I’m sure it’ll all work out though.”

“Will it?” Virgil looked back at his wrist. “I wonder if I’ll scar.”

“Most likely, you will.” Logan sighed. “That’s alright, though. I’m sure Thomas won’t think any less of you.” He smiled slightly and looked Virgil in the eye. “I don’t think any less of you, for what it’s worth.”

“Thanks.” Virgil shivered at a breeze that hit his shoulders. “Can we, uh, bandage it back up now? I want to put my hoodie back on.”

“Ah.. yes. Well… hang on.” Logan dug in his pockets and crinkled his nose. “I did not, apparently, keep any gauze.”

“Oh.” Virgil looked back out at Roman, who was now giving Patton a piggy back ride. “Should we ask?” He added, watching Roman drop Patton back into the water.

“I think we should let them have their fun. Just for a bit.” Logan looked out at them, feeling distant. “Just for a bit.”

“Hey Logan?” 

“Yes?” Logan turned back to Virgil. “What is it?”

“Why won’t you tell us what you saw?” Virgil inquired, looking deeply caring. “We just want to help.”

Logan pushed his glasses up his nose and looked back out at the water, out at the forest. “I think… it made me realize there are some things that I’m uncomfortable about. I’m a lot more like you than I previously realized.” He looked down at his hands and made circles in the sand, unable to look Virgil in the eye. “And normally it’s not a bad thing. But at times… I can hinder Thomas in ways I didn’t even realize.” 

“What are you talking about?” Virgil asked carefully. “You don’t want to be like me?” 

“That’s not what I meant.” Logan shook his head, digging his fingers into the grainy texture of the beach. “I mean - sometimes I rationalize fears that don’t make sense, and make them worse. And that can be detrimental.” 

Virgil looked down at his arm and scoffed. “You mean the part of you that is me is detrimental to Thomas. Gee. Thanks.” 

“Please stop twisting my words and take me seriously.” Logan groaned. “That’s not what - you know that we all have to work in balance here.” 

“So, balance it out. Tell me what you saw and maybe I’ll stop taking it so personally.” Virgil spat. 

“I saw -”

“Guys, are you gonna join us?” Patton yelled from the pond. He swam up to the area where they were sitting and began to walk out of the water. He shivered and put his hands on his hips. “Swimming is good for the soul, you know.”

“We’re king of in the middle of something.” Virgil said, looking away.

“Virgil, why are your bandages off?” Patton perched and began to reach for Virgil’s arm before remembering and pulling back. 

“It was to ensure that his wound is clean. Which reminds me, I need Roman to make another first aid kit.” Logan added, watching as Roman approached them in bright red swim trunks.  

“You mean you didn’t save the one I made already?” Roman asked. He closed his eyes and next to him appeared two beach towels, a new set of clothes for himself, and a second set of clothes for Patton. 

“No, I guess not.” Logan stood up, Virgil along with him. 

“What were you guys talking about?” Patton reached for a towel, setting his glasses down gently and removing his shirt. 

“What I - oh Patton, please, have some modesty.” Logan looked away as Patton began to remove his soaked pants. 

“What?” Patton glanced around as Virgil giggled, squirming out of the soaked denim. 

“Just… We’ll turn around while you two get dressed.” Logan sighed and turned, motioning for Virgil to turn with him, who was still snickering at Patton’s complete lack of shame.

* * *

  
  


Thomas stepped into the passenger’s side of his father’s truck, still apprehensive. What if he couldn’t control his behavior at home? What if he hurt his parents? 

He watched as his father shut the driver’s side door. The truck started with a swift turn of the ignition, the radio starting, a country song playing softly.

“You can change it if you want.” His father said, pulling out of his driveway. “I don’t really care.”

“This is fine.” Thomas said, looking out the window, watching the world go by. 

The two were silent for several minutes. Thomas tapped on his lap, staring at the outside world and all its lights and sounds.

“So have you gone to a.. What are you doing about these episodes?” His father asked, pulling up to an intersection.

“I’m going to see a psychiatrist. But it’s a few days from now, and in Orlando.” Thomas looked over at his father, who nodded gruffly. “My doctor recommended it.”

“Sounds like your doctor knows what he’s doing.” His father turned through the intersection, carefully paying attention to the road. 

“Yeah. I guess.” Thomas agreed, turning back to the window.

“Thomas… you know we’re very proud of you.” 

“Thanks.” Thomas nodded, feeling suddenly uncomfortable at his father’s apprehensive tone. 

“You have a lot of followers, you’re very successful at what you do.” 

Thomas heard watched as they drove by a farm, and considered uttering a small “moo”, but didn’t.

“But… is it all too much for you, you think?” 

Thomas turned back to his father, brows narrowed. “No - of course not. Why would you say that?”

“It’s just, you have to be perfect. All the time. For I don’t know how many people. Isn’t that a lot of pressure?” He pulled up to a stop sign and looked at his son. “Don’t you think maybe the stress is what’s making you not act like yourself?”

Thomas gaped at him, forcing himself to close his mouth, and looked at his knees. “I hadn’t thought about that. I love my fans. I love - I love them.” He turned back to the window. “I can’t just stop now. There’s so much I haven’t done, there’s - I can’t let them down.” 

“Do you think that maybe you put too much pressure on yourself?” His father asked, turning the truck again.

“I don’t - maybe. I don’t know.” Thomas shrugged. “I don’t think the episodes and the fans are related. I don’t think it’s because of what I make or anything like that. If anything, I need to be making more, doing more.” 

His father sighed, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Thomas, your actions put your friend’s lives in danger, and the lives of other people in danger, because you were too prideful to worry the people around you. It’s not something you can just brush off.”

“I’m not brushing it off. I just don’t think that making stuff and the episodes are at all related.” Thomas crossed his arms, feeling defensive. “Honestly. I don’t think they’re even in the same camp.”

“I’m just saying you should consider the possibility.” His father sighed. “Just… putting it out there.” 

“Right.” Thomas closed his eyes and leaned back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Just… please don’t ignore what the psychiatrist says. And be honest with them. It can only help at this point.” Thomas’s father watched as his son turned back to staring out the window, leaned against it, and said nothing.

 

* * *

 

“So it was a series of rooms, but with Thomas’s.” Virgil raised a brow, looking curiously at Logan. “Why didn’t you say that before? That sounds fine.”

“Well, Thomas was not himself in any of the rooms.” Logan picked at the grass in front of him, looking at the group as they all listened attentively. “It was like… he was afraid. Afraid to a very extreme, unnatural degree.”

“Still sounds fine.” Virgil muttered defensively, glancing at his once again bandaged wrist.

Logan sighed. “In the first room, his mouth was stitched shut, and he was only a kid. 

“Goodness, that’s terrifying.” Patton shuddered. 

“Yes… and it only got worse. Much worse, in fact.” Logan picked up a dandelion and began to tear out little bits of yellow. “It was a very extreme version of what might happen if I rely too heavily on negative emotions.” 

“Hmph.” Virgil’s nostrils flared.

“Mine was… similar. In a way.” Roman said quietly. He was sitting on his towel, still in his swim trunks. “Thomas was young, and he was on a stage. And the crowd started booing - but the crowd was me, just, hundreds of copies of me. And then I suffocated.” He pressed his lips tightly together. “Well, you guys brought me back. Though a prince should not need rescuing, and I apologize for my shortcomings, I am grateful for that.”

“We did what we had to do.” Patton shrugged, smiling. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”

“Yes. I’m glad that we’re all alright.” Roman nodded, giving additional affirmation. 

Logan nodded, looking over the group. “We still can’t get out of here, though. Safe or not, it would seem that the next step would be to figure out how to get home.”

Patton nodded. “I think I know what we have to do for that to happen.” The others looked at him, knowing the answer.

“No.” Virgil shook his head. “No, we can’t do that.”

“It’s my decision. And I have to.” Patton drew his cardigan up around his shoulders. “For Thomas. We can’t hang out in this world forever.”

“It’s true.” Logan frowned. “However… you will be putting yourself in danger.”

“So what?” Patton smiled and shrugged. “It isn’t as if we aren’t all in danger right now just by being here. We don’t know that something else won’t come along and eat one of us, or, or whatever else. You all went through it.” He stood up and valiantly looked into the distance. “Now it’s my turn.”

“Well, don’t just go running off rashly.” Roman stood as well and gestured to the beyond of the woods. “We don’t know what your fear is, but we do know that you won’t be able to overcome it alone.”

“Yes, this is true.” Logan stood up, stretching his arms into the sky and behind him. “We can’t lose you, Patton. We can’t lose any of us.” He glanced at Virgil. 

“Patton… please. Don’t do this.” Virgil pleaded. “Please. Stay here with us.”

Patton knelt down, one knee in the dirt, and looked at Virgil. “You’re worried for me, aren’t you?”

Virgil nodded.

“I’m worried too.” 

Virgil looked up, surprised.

“But this isn’t for me. It’s for you, too. And them.” He gestured to Roman and Logan. “And… we won’t get out of this if I do nothing.”

“But…” Virgil shook his head. “But it’s not fair. You’ve been here for us so much. Why do you have to face this alone?”

“I won’t be alone.” Patton’s tone was sincere, heartfelt. “I’m never… really alone. Not completely.”

“No?” Virgil looked at the ground, frowning. “I feel alone all the time.”

“You aren’t.” Patton put his hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “You guys will find me, and everything will be sorted out before you can say ‘Hoop-lah’.” He gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Okay?”

Virgil nodded, still not looking at him. Patton gave his shoulder another squeeze and stood back up, looking at Roman and Logan. 

“Into the woods… I go. Again.” Patton smiled at them and, before they could protest, was walking away, humming a cheery tune to himself.

“I say we give him twenty, maybe thirty minutes, and go after him.” Logan suggested.

“Yes… from what we’ve seen it happens rather quickly.” Roman nodded.

Virgil stared after Patton, watching him disappear into the woods.

“Hoop-lah.” 


	14. Patton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton tries to outwit his fear.  
> Warnings: I couldn't see any needed but let me know if you need one.

Thomas rolled over onto his back, staring out the window into the night. He liked the window open, the cool breeze making its way over his warm body. It felt good, soothing. 

He sat up and reached to the bedside table for his phone. He set it back down, unable to bring himself to post anything. It was more than just that he wasn’t pleasing the fans. It was that the action made him feel exhausted; even the thought of social interaction felt heavy.

He stared up at the ceiling and around the guest bedroom his parents had fixed up in his house after they had moved from his childhood home. It was a nice little room. A simple, queen size bed sat in the center, decorated with a light blue blanket. On one side, a dresser. On the other side, a nightstand. It was a simple room. Thomas was currently a fan of simple.

He rolled forward, laying on his stomach, resting his head on his arms, and closed his eyes, trying to summon sleep. It felt far away, elusive. Nervous thoughts about what his parents might do if he lost control of himself, thoughts about what he might do if that happened, kept cropping up. He sighed, tired, wondering when sleep would come to his overactive mind.

* * *

  
  


Patton looked around the woods, searching for the other sides. He smiled when he saw that they were not present; if they were, things might not work out. While Patton was afraid of what was to come, he cared more about going home than he did about his own safety at this point in their juncture. 

He walked over a log and came upon a small clearing, next to a brook. The glittering water reflected on his skin and shirt and created a dazzling, beautiful display. He smiled and sat down, dipping his hand into the water, feeling it run over his fingertips. 

“Roman, you’ve really outdone yourself,” He muttered, smiling. It really was beautiful.

A bird chirped. Somewhere distantly, Patton thought he heard an owl hoot. He continued to let the water run over his hand, thoughtful as to what was to come. He felt a strong sense of peace here, running his hand in the tranquil waters of Thomas’s imagination. He closed his eyes, smelling the fragrances of the woods, taking in the air around him.

“I’m ready.” 

* * *

  
  


Thomas got up from his bed and walked down the hallway, out from the kitchen and onto the back porch. He jumped slightly at the sensation of the cold concrete under his toes, the night air crawling up his shorts and through his cotton T shirt. He rubbed his arms, shivering, and looked out at the back yard, the greenery gently illuminated by the porch light. He looked at the furniture on the back patio and pulled out a wicker chair to sit on, but then pushed it back to the table when he saw that it held a pool of water.

“Can’t sleep?” 

Thomas turned to see his father standing behind him, also rubbing his arms, standing in the doorway of the patio. Thomas shook his head.

“Wanna come back inside? I’ll make you a sandwich.” His father leaned back on the door frame, waiting.

“I’m not hungry. Thank you though.” Thomas said, turning back towards the back yard. 

“You’re shivering.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Thomas shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“You want to be cold?” His father sounded curious, not accusatory.

Thomas considered this. “I dunno.” He shrugged again. “I hadn’t thought about it.”

“I’m thinking about it right now and I’m halfway in the house.” Thomas heard his father slide the door shut and soon saw him standing next to him, arms crossed. “I couldn’t sleep either. Your mother snores like a wild boar.”

Thomas snickered in spite of himself and slapped at a mosquito. “Ugh. Bugs.”

“Another reason to come inside.” Thomas’s father said pointedly. “No bugs. Well, I’m sure there are spiders, but they stay in the walls, and if they don’t I squish ‘em.”

Thomas nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know, I just feel like I have a lot to think about.”

“Okay.” Thomas’s father gave him a pat on the back. “I’m going back inside, though.”

Thomas gave a small nod and soon heard the glass door sliding open again. He turned around, but his father had disappeared into the darkness of the kitchen. He looked back out at the grass, feeling especially introverted. Perhaps… perhaps being alone was the best way to stop anything from happening to anyone around him. 

There didn’t seem to be any way to be completely alone without leaving, though, and that would mean hurting his parents, worrying them, worrying his friends. 

He stepped forward on the concrete and off into the grass, feeling the wet ground under his feet, feeling just the sensation of it, taking a deep breath, wondering what was going to happen to him. 

* * *

  
  


“I think that’s long enough.” Virgil was pacing, running his hands through his hair, up and down his arms. “We need to get out there. He could be in danger.”

“I don’t know that it’s been a long enough time.” Logan glanced at the watch Roman had conjured for him and back up at Virgil. “It’s only been about ten minutes.”

Virgil threw his hand out at Roman. “He was in danger really quick. Patton’s vulnerable.” He lowered his hand. “No offense, Roman.”

“No, I agree. It does to happen quickly.” Roman agreed. “I don’t think that your anxiety is aiding the situation however.”

“Anxiety is what I do, we all know that.” Virgil growled. He put his hand to his mouth, hearing the echo in his voice. 

“Virgil? Are you okay?” Logan frowned at him, noticing the change.

Virgil nodded, taking his hand away from his mouth. 

“Can you say you’re okay?” Roman raised an eyebrow, concerned. 

“Yes.” Virgil’s voice was low, distorted. He withdrew into himself, into his hoodie. 

“Uh oh.” Logan sighed. “I think that’s our cue.”

“I would agree.” Roman glanced down at his swim trunks. “Hold on a second, though, I should change.”

“No one cares what you’re wearing, Roman.” Virgil spat, voice still deep and echoey. 

“A prince has got to slay.” Roman closed his eyes for a moment, and suddenly his usual outfit and sword appeared on his body. “Better.”

“It is unfair that you can just… do that.” Logan gestured to Roman’s body, shaking his head.

“Well it is my corner of the mind palace.” Roman cocked his head. “I mean, you didn’t mind when I conjured the first aid kit.”

“Can we go?” Virgil asked, drawing his hoodie up around his head, voice getting lower. 

“Yes. Allons-y!” Roman drew his sword, smiling, and began to walk off in the direction Patton had gone. 

“You really shouldn’t be so happy about this.” Virgil muttered, following him. 

* * *

  
  


Patton watched as a dark smoke began to emerge from the forest opposite the brook. He stood, brushing his wet hand off on his jeans, waiting. 

There was a sound like something breathing, a heavy, huge animal. Patton swallowed and stepped forward, over the brook, watching scales reflect through the trees across from him. He tried to smile, but his lip wouldn’t move. He swallowed again, trying to feel his fear move down his throat as beautiful, reptilian eyes gazed at him. 

“I’m ready to face my fear, dragon witch.” Patton declared, voice shaky. He watched as she slinked through the trees, wings tucked in, moving like a large snake. He felt a hot breath on his front as she moved close to him, looking directly at him. He couldn’t help but stare at how impressive she was, how huge her jaws were. He wondered if he was about to be lunch.

“You know, you don’t have to do this.” A low voice, something like a human woman, seemed to emerge from the back of her throat. Patton didn’t move, watching as her body curled around him, around his trembling body. “You’re so… afraid.” She seemed to whisper.

“Yes.” Patton nodded, feeling her smooth scales against the back of his legs and her body wrapped around him. “But I need to do this.” He watched, still trembling with fear, as she wrapped herself further around him. Patton had never felt so helpless.

“You do so much for them.” She purred. “You care for them. Cook them breakfast. Feed them. Soothe them. Validate them.” She paused, eyes behind his head. “What do they do for you?”

“That doesn’t matter.” Patton said quietly, but firmly, making fists. “I am here to face my fear. I am here to get back to Thomas.” He felt tears springing in his eyes. “He needs us.”

“Don’t you feel… unappreciated?” She cooed, voice still inhuman, unnatural. “Don’t you feel… unloved?” 

“No.” Patton shook his head, but he was staring at her body in front of him, not looking her in the eye. She slunk away from him, now in front of him, and sighed. 

“I could give you appreciation, you know.” Her voice was like a hiss, like air escaping a kettle. “I could give you fame and fortune, if you stay here.” Next to her, Thomas’s ex appeared, standing there, smiling, waving. “I could give you anyone.”

“It’s not real.” Patton whispered, nails digging into his palms. Thomas’s ex vanished, replaced by a broadway award. “That’s not real either.” He could feel his hands start to sting. 

“Hmm… no. But does it need to be?” She sighed dreamily. “Wouldn’t you rather live here, in dreamland, where you can have anything?” 

Patton shook his head, still looking at the ground, still afraid to look at her. “I need to get back to Thomas. At any cost.” 

“Any cost?” She whispered, bringing her face dangerously close to his again. 

Patton nodded. “I don’t want to get whatever I want all the time. That’s… not the point.”

The dragon witch blew her hot breath in his face, causing him to tremble. He looked up at her, her beautiful face, her golden eyes. She drew back from him, still staring down on him. 

“Alright.” She said in a bored tone. “You seem very sure.” 

Patton nodded, still looking at her.

“Close your eyes.” She said softly. He did. 

Patton felt a sudden, strong burning in his chest. He gasped and clawed at his shirt, breathing hard, soon falling to his knees, unable to breathe. He clawed at his throat, which was closing up, and looked up at the dragon witch, eyes pleading. 

“I’m going to show you how strong you are.” Patton heard a voice above him say. “Because that’s what you’re afraid of. More than losing people. More than losing things. You’re afraid of being too much. Just like Logan and Roman. Pathetic, really.” Patton suddenly felt air fill his lungs; he gasped with relief. “And when you all see how much this little adventure has damaged your precious Thomas, when you do go home, you’ll be a whole lot more afraid, and you’ll come back here and beg me to kill each of you.”

Patton looked up, gasping, and saw that the dragon witch had vanished. A smile suddenly erupted on his face. He giggled madly, turning in a circle, spinning - before he was suddenly seized with anger. He picked up a stick and snapped it in half, feeling satisfied at its breaking. “Do you feel that, Roman?” He yelled. “This is your fault!” He sank to his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks. “This is your fault.” 

Patton looked up, a realization dawning on him. If he could give emotions to the sides, perhaps…

He put his hands onto the earth, pushing himself down into it. Suddenly he was sinking into the dirt, into the mud. Patton closed his eyes, bracing himself, as his head was swallowed up.

* * *

  
  


Thomas slid the door open to the kitchen, filled with a strange new enthusiasm. He walked into the living room and picked up a photo album off the shelf and began to look through it, examining each photograph carefully. “Oh goodness, I miss them so much.” He whispered, looking at a photo of him and his brothers. He sat down and took another album off the shelf, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Oh my goodness.” He whispered, gazing at photo after photo. He got out a third album, taking out photos, feeling compelled to take out every single one and examine it. He stood up, leaving the mess on the floor, and went into his parents’ bedroom. He saw them both there, sleeping, his mother laying on her back and snoring, and sighed, before walking out of the room and out of the house, into the night, still barefoot, still in his pajamas.

* * *

  
  


“Where did he go?” Logan shook his head, brushing a tree branch out of his face. “It’s not like he would’ve gone far.”

“I don’t know, but we’ve got to be getting close.” Roman said from the front. “I think I see a clearing up ahead.” 

“Good, we can get out of these trees. Virgil, are you alright?” Logan asked, looking back at their final member. 

Virgil nodded, choosing not to say anything. Logan shook his head and looked up ahead at Roman, who was shaking his head at the amount of foliage he had created. 

There was a sudden shake in the earth, causing all three to stop, looking at each other.

“There are earthquakes here, too?” Virgil asked, allowing himself to speak, voice deep and strange.

“Wow, that’s amazing… Roman, are you alright?” Logan asked, looking ahead. Roman was staring out at a clearing ahead of them, where there was a little brook, and a grey cardigan. 


	15. Patton and Roman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh.. wow. I don't know where to begin with this one. This was actually really painful to write. But we've faced Patton's fear. So. It ended up being written entirely differently than how I originally imagined it.  
> I wouldn't be surprised if you guys stopped reading after this.  
> Oh, please check out the comic that one amazing person is making based on this fic! Find it here -http://dragonwitch.smackjeeves.com/  
> Warnings: homosexual slurs, homophobia, death, suicide, earthquake

“Patton?” Logan called out into the woods. He was met only by the sound of the bubbly, babbling brook. He leaned down, picking up the cardigan, inspecting it. “What do you make of this?” He asked, holding out the cardigan to Virgil.

Virgil shrugged, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He shook his head quickly and shuddered, as if chilly, and looked at Roman for an answer.

“I don’t know what that could mean.” Roman bent down and ran his fingers through the grass. He dug his hand into the dirt, picking up clods of damp mud. “I feel strange.” 

“Strange?” Logan snapped towards him. “Strange how?” 

“I’m not sure how to describe it.” Roman frowned and let the dirt run through his fingers. “It’s almost like I’m stronger.” 

Virgil began to back away from the Logan and Virgil, shaking his head still, drawing the strings of his hoodie around his face.

“Stronger?” Logan kneeled down next to Roman, still holding the cardigan. “Strong enough to find Patton?”

Roman ran his hand again over the damp grass, sighed, and nodded. “I think so.” He stood up. “A quest is upo- oh.” Roman stumbled, grabbing his head. “Oh, I’m dizzy.” 

Virgil backed away, stepping into the brook, and then back out of it, still shaking his head. The others ignored him, focusing instead on Roman’s sudden seeming drop in blood pressure. They didn’t notice that he had began, quite violently, to shake.

“Roman, sit down.” Logan instructed, watching as Roman stumbled back and forth, sword dangling dangerously at his hip. He reached out, pushing Roman down, gently. Roman’s butt hit the ground with more force than he had intended, but it did the trick. He watched as his counterpart placed his head in his hands, groaning. 

“I feel strange.” Roman shook his head. “But it feels nice, too. It’s like… feeling strong emotions.” He shook his head. “I mean, I already do that. That’s not what I mean.” 

Virgil sat on the ground, a few feet away, next to a tree, and began to rock back and forth, pulling his knees to his chest. 

“What do you mean then?” Logan asked, sitting next to him. He held up Patton’s cardigan, turning it over in his hands, feeling the fabric. He looked at Roman, who looked to be deep in thought. 

“I’m not sure how to explain it.” Roman looked up at Logan, a grin suddenly spreading across his face. “Let me show you.” 

Roman closed his eyes and put his hands on the ground. A flower sprang up, a daffodil. Then a rosebush. Then an iris. Then a daisy. Then a buttercup. More and more flowers began to spring up all around them, beautiful, richly colored flowers. The sight made Logan gasp in delight in spite of himself. Virgil continued to hold his knees, drawing them closer to him, scooting backwards, but soon surrounded by the flowers. They were a sight to behold, a rainbow across the ground. 

“My - Roman!” Logan looked around, stunned. “I didn’t know you were this powerful!”

“I’m not - usually.” Roman looked at his handiwork, smiling. “I feel like spring. I feel life and ideas and new beginnings.” He stood up and fell backwards, onto the flowers, which caught him like a cushion. “Look up there!” 

Logan followed Roman’s hand towards the sky, which was dimming. Only - the stars were vibrant, bright. Only - beautiful, twinkling gassy lights filled the sky. Shooting stars left trails in their wake, the moon became large and bright, and yet sunlight still filtered through the trees. The ground around Virgil began to shake with him, gently vibrating, like a tiny earthquake. And all the while Roman was laughing, laughing.

* * *

  
  


Thomas grasped a light pole, swinging around it, unbothered by the cold metal touch to his skin. He hit the ground, feet bare, and laughed heartily. The park felt so joyful, so wonderful. 

“I’m singing in the rain… I’m singing in the rain!” Thomas spun around in a circle, his voice echoing through the empty place. “What a glorious feelin’, I’m happy again…” 

He laid down on the grass, overcome with the joy of life, running his hands over the tips of the blades. He had never felt so at peace and yet so creative, so motivated. He had never felt so in tune with the world around him. The grass had never seemed so  _ grass _ , the sky had never seemed so  _ sky _ . 

He watched as an early morning jogger ran by, looking up and giving her a little wave, which she ignored. Thomas didn’t mind too much. He sighed happily, sitting up, looking across the park, wondering what to do next. 

“Oh! The bridge is probably beautiful at sunrise.” He stood up, grinning, walking towards a wooden bridge which overlooked some railroad tracks.

* * *

  
  


Patton looked around him, confused. He was sitting at a desk, it seemed. In a classroom. In front of him was a blackboard. All around were other students, chatting, ignoring their work. He looked up front to see a small woman helping a student. 

Patton turned to his right and saw a young Thomas, perhaps a teenager, rubbing his eyes and frowning. In front of him was a textbook and, next to that, were pages of scribbled notes. He watched as Thomas sat back, looking dejected, having given up. 

“Need some help, man?” 

The student in front of Thomas turned and faced him, looking at his homework, and back at Thomas’s frustrated expression. 

“Yeah, just… I don’t know, I’m just not getting it.” Thomas leaned back over his paper, eyes flashing over the problems, and gave his head a little shake. 

The student in front of Thomas nodded and, in one swift motion, brought his notebook behind him over to Thomas’s desk. “What one are you stuck on?”

“All of them.” Thomas admitted. “I don’t even know where I got lost.”

“Okay… well, let’s start with some basic formulas…” The student leaned forward and began to go over the copious notes he’d taken, Thomas listening, following along.

Patton sat and watched as the two began to talk. He watched as gradually, the two began to ignore everyone around them, giggling, exchanging witty banter. Patton felt his heart begin to skip and jump in his chest, a warm feeling in his stomach. This didn’t seem like something to be afraid of.

Patton made the mistake when he opened his mouth.

“Do you wanna go out sometime?” 

Patton and Thomas spoke simultaneously, voices echoing. Every person in the room stopped what they were doing, turning, staring at Thomas.

Patton’s eyes grew wide, waiting.

“What did you just say?” 

“Just… do you want to go… out.” Patton put his hand over his mouth, suddenly wanting for the words to stop. They didn’t. “With me. Sometime.”

The student stared at Thomas. Patton looked from Thomas to the student, watching as Thomas froze in fear, in anticipation. 

“I always knew you were a faggot.” The student spat, turning away from him. He scoffed. “Fucking queer.” 

“Wait - no!” Thomas’s mouth moved when Patton’s did, their voices in unison again. “No - I didn’t mean it like - I’m…” Patton and Thomas looked around, watching as a few students began to giggle. Thomas stood up, tears in his eyes, and left the room, math book in hand.

Patton watched for a moment as the classroom around him erupted into laughter. He followed Thomas out, trying to reach out for him, but it seemed like Thomas couldn’t see him there.

* * *

  
  


Thomas stared out over the bridge, hanging onto the railing, watching the sunrise come through the treetops that surrounded the railroad tracks below. He gripped the edge of the wood and leaned back, a smile plastered on his face, swinging from side to side. 

“Hey dude!” 

Thomas turned towards someone standing at the edge of the bridge, about his age, who looked confused at what he was seeing.

“That’s really not safe!” The young man called out. Thomas watched as the golden retriever that the man had leashed panted. He grinned.

“I love your dog!” Thomas yelled, still hanging on to the railing, his body swinging over the wooden interior of the bridge.

“That’s great but you should really get off that bridge!” The young man shouted, now looking very concerned. 

Thomas laughed childishly, swinging over so that only one hand was holding on. “I’m fine! I’m better than fine!” He watched as the young man shook his head and began to walk away, pulling the leash to get the dog to walk with him. The dog, however, wouldn’t budge, still staring at Thomas, disobeying its owner’s command. 

“I think he likes me!” Thomas called out, watching as the owner continued to gently urge his dog forward. 

“It’s a she!” The owner called back. He stopped pulling on the leash and sighed. “She won’t move until you get down from there!” 

* * *

  
  


Thomas walked down the school hallway, Patton following. 

“There’s beautiful flowers. There’s musicals. You don’t need him, there’s other guys.” Patton watched and listened as his words echoed in Thomas’s mouth. “It’s fine. He didn’t mean it. You’re not a - you’re not that. It’s okay to be gay. It’s okay to be queer. Think of all the people who love you as you are.” 

“Homo.” 

A student shoved his shoulder onto Thomas’s as he walked, causing him to stumble. Thomas watched as the student walked down the hall, laughing with his friends. Patton couldn’t help but feel seen, like Thomas was looking right through him. 

“It’s okay. You love yourself. It’s fine.” Patton watched as his words came out of Thomas’s mouth. He felt tears springing into his eyes; these thoughts were supposed to be private.

“Flamer!” Thomas and Patton watched as another student walked by, yelling a derogatory slur.

Thomas turned around, mouth open in shock, as a student began to point and laugh at him. And the insults kept coming. 

“Mary!”

Patton walked up behind Thomas, trying to shield him, trying to do something, anything. “No!” Their voices echoed, and Thomas drew his hand to his mouth.

“Flamer!” 

“Fag!”

“Fudge packer!”

“No.” Patton and Thomas’s voices synchronized, the two of them backed against each other, horrified as students came out all around them, laughing, pointing, calling names.

Thomas spun in a circle, Patton spinning with him, making Patton dizzy. He shook his head, screaming. “No!” The laughter, it was everywhere. “No, it’s not a bad thing - it’s not bad!”

 

* * *

 

Somewhere under Roman’s earth, while Roman was pointing at the sky, Patton began to choke on the dirt. 

* * *

  
  


“Would you please get down from there?” 

Thomas shook his head, laughing, throwing his head back. “I feel fantastic out here! It’s so beautiful.” He looked over the sky, which was growing blue, and smiled with content. “So beautiful.” 

Gripped with a sudden urge to feel what it might be like to stand on the other side of the bridge, off the railing, Thomas began to put his leg over the wooden bar.

“Woah - hey! Kid! Stop that!”

Thomas ignored him, still smiling stupidly, feeling the wind in his hair. He looked down at the railroad tracks below, long since abandoned, and wondered how high up he was, swinging over the other leg, holding on to the edge of the railing.

* * *

  
  


“Roman - could you focus please?” Logan snapped, looking around. The vegetation around them was growing rapidly, beautifully colorful and vivid. “We need to find Patton.”

“I am focused - I’m just making things for him to come back to.” Roman smiled, looking at his handiwork, blades of grass spiraling up around them. 

Virgil’s ground began to shake more forcefully, causing the brook the begin to tremble. 

* * *

  
  


“I always knew you were a butt pirate!” 

“Queer!”

“Flamin’ Tommy!”

“No!” Patton and Thomas yelled in unison, both crying, both on the ground, Thomas’s hands over his head. “There’s nothing wrong with how I feel!” Patton shook with sobs, heaving heavy breaths, trying to shield Thomas. “There’s nothing wrong with me!”

* * *

  
  


A small crowd began to gather, murmuring, as Thomas joyfully hung onto the outside of the bridge, feet barely keeping him in place on the end of the railing. 

* * *

  
  


Patton's body began to shut down, deep within Roman’s earth. 

* * *

  
  


“Roman, please calm down!” Logan was pacing back and forth, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I can’t handle all of this!”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Roman seemed so content, so happy. “It’s…”

“It’s what?” Logan asked, whirling around to look at Roman. He gasped at what he saw, tears rolling down Roman’s cheeks. “Roman?”

There was a screaming sound, like an unhappy animal growling, which caused them both to look at Virgil for the first time since he’d backed away. The earth under them began to shake, more so, Logan and Roman finally feeling its effects. Logan turned and began to back away from the earth a few feet away from him, watching as abundant flowers and Patton’s cardigan fell into the dirt. Logan reached down and underneath Roman’s armpits, dragging him backwards, away from the growing pit. There was a great sound, like the sky was taking a deep breath. The flowers faded, dying; the sky reverted to daylight, the stars dimming. All at once, everything stopped. 

Logan looked around, arms still under Roman. He removed his arms slowly, moving forward towards the pit, cautious. He looked up at Virgil, who was laying on the ground, most likely having fainted from the great energy exerted, and at Roman, who was sobbing. Logan peeked into the pit and his eyes grew wide. 

“Patton!”

* * *

  
  


Thomas felt his fingers slipping. He watched the sky, still holding onto the bridge, tears streaming down his face. Where had the sadness come from? Why did he feel… numb? 

* * *

 

Logan skidded down into the pit, covering his pants in dirt, rushing to Patton. “Patton! Pat - it’s Logan!” He shook Patton, brushing mud off his face. “Patton, wake up!” He roared with anger, picking up Patton and slinging him over his shoulder, crawling out of the pit with his other hand, Patton’s limp body draped across his shoulders. He found the edge of the slanting sides and pulled himself up, Patton still on his shoulder. Patton’s body fell forward, limp.

Logan leaned down, listening for breathing. He shook his head and put two fingers to Patton’s neck. He shook his head, lip trembling.    
“Not like this.” He whispered. “Not like this.”

Logan ran over to Virgil’s unconscious body and pulled him over, across the brook, hoodie acting as a buffer between their skin. He was hoping beyond hope, wondering if it was logical to pray. He looked at Roman, who was completely indisposed, and pulled Virgil up next to Patton’s limp body. 

* * *

  
  


Thomas looked down at the railroad tracks, wondering, thinking. He could hear the crowd shouting, a police officer’s car approaching. He began to loosen his grip on the railing.

“Just do it, queer!” 

There was a moment where the world seemed to stop. The very air in front of Thomas stood still, the wind stilled, the earth paused. And then, Thomas felt very curious to see what it would be like to fall.

He let go. 


	16. Patton, Roman, Logan, Virgil, and Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how to summarize this. We're almost up on the end oh my gosh! How did this even become so complicated? Anyway I hope you enjoy!  
> Warnings: death, suicide mention

The air moved quickly around his body, so quickly. The world seemed silent. Subdued.

Wind rushed through his ears.

There was a sound, like someone screaming.

Distant.

Thomas closed his eyes, body turning in the sky, backwards, gently, outstretched. There weren’t thoughts in his head. No flash of his life, no memories. No Christmases past, no loves gone by. Nothing.

It seemed to last a lifetime. A gradual pull to the earth, away from everyone. Everything. 

And then nothingness.

* * *

  
  


“Come on, come on.” Logan muttered, brushing his hair out of his eyes. He put Virgil’s hand on Patton’s muddy forearm and waited. 

Nothing.

“No. No no no. Come on.” Logan shook his head, eyes darting around wildly. He took Virgil’s arm and, no longer caring about touching his skin, rolled up his right arm sleeve. He tried to wipe some of the mud off of Patton’s arm, not caring to look at his motionless body, his dead -

_ No. We’re not thinking like that.  _

“Come on Virgil. Come through for me. Come on.” Logan took Virgil’s arm and put it on Patton’s skin, pressing them together. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Waiting. 

Nothing.

“Roman, I need you to snap out of it and help me!” He looked over at Roman, who was on the ground, sobbing. Logan rushed over to him, shaking his shoulder. “Roman - prince. Friend. Please. I need you.”

Roman sniffed, eyes red, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I felt it, Logan. I felt Patton die.”

“I know.” Logan nodded, hand still tightly gripping Roman’s shoulder, grateful for the clothing between them. “I need you to conjure a defibrillator.”

“What?” Roman swallowed, looking confused.

“Virgil won’t wake up. I can’t use him to restart Patton’s - I can’t - I need a defibrillator.” Logan could no longer keep desperation out of his typically calm, controlled voice. “Please, Roman. Help me out here - I don’t think CPR is enough.” 

Roman sat up and nodded. He wiped his eyes and closed them; a moment later, a defibrillator kit appeared beside him. Logan picked up quickly and ran back over to Patton. He checked his pulse again and felt nothing. Logan tilted Patton’s head back and closed his nose, performing the same actions he’d performed with Roman previously, administering CPR. He checked his pulse again, pressing two fingers hard into his jugular, then his wrist. Nothing.

Logan let out a cry of frustration that he previously didn’t know he was capable of and raised up Patton’s shirt over his head, taking it off, and set it beside him. Logan flipped the power switch to the device, listening as it began to give him instructions. He took the pads from the device and placed them on Patton, one on his chest and one on the other side, on his ribcage. He listened, waiting for the device to analyze the situation. 

Clear.

Logan pressed the button on the device that would shock Patton, leaning back in horror as he watched his body convulse. He looked at Virgil, who was still unconscious, and Roman, who was watching as if unsure what to do. 

Logan felt tears streaming down his own face now. He wiped them away and continued, pumping on Patton’s chest, breathing into his mouth.

He checked the defibrillator.

Clear.

Logan administered another shock, watching as Patton’s body jumped forward, and his eyes shot open. He rushed forward, leaning over Patton, eyes huge now, as Patton coughed and sputtered. 

“Patton - Patton. How’re you - Patton…” Logan couldn’t seem to articulate his words properly. He glanced over at Roman, who was staring at the situation, and then back at Virgil, who was still passed out. Logan put his face on Patton’s chest, wrapping his arms around him, no longer caring about the possible transition of traits, and held him, crying with relief. 

Roman walked over, cautious, watching Logan hug the barely conscious Patton. He leaned down and switched the defibrillator off but said nothing, watching Logan’s rare display of emotion in fascination. He looked over at Virgil, whose eyes were also fluttering open, and smiled, leaning over him, watching as he began to look around. 

“Woah.” Virgil whispered, looking up at Roman. “Dude, you okay?”

Roman nodded, looking over at Logan. Patton was now gently patting him on the back and reassuring him quietly whispering that he was okay. He considered the possible transfer of emotions, saying something. However, seeing Logan soothed like that… it was too much to break up. He turned back to Patton and smiled. 

“Come on. Let’s get you up.” 

Virgil nodded and began to sit up, slowly. “My head hurts.” He frowned, looking over at Logan, who was gently letting go of Patton. “Are you guys okay?”

“Never better.” Patton said weakly, half smiling. “Right, Logan?”

“Yeah.” Logan took a deep breath and wiped his eyes with his hand. “Never better.” He turned and watched as Patton began to remove the defibrillator pads.

“Ouch. Sticky.” Patton’s voice was still distant, tired. “Hmm.” He removed the second pad and slowly began to sit up.

“Be careful.” Roman held out his hand for Patton to take. Patton looked at him, cautious.

“Sure I won’t end up as you? Or vice versa?” He asked, leaning on his elbows.

“I think when we’re weaker, the emotions don’t necessarily transfer. A moment ago I couldn’t wake you up with Virgil.” Logan sighed. “Or maybe the curse is over now because you faced your fear.” He reflected, still sniffling slightly. 

“Maybe.” Roman shrugged. “Do you feel any of Patton’s emotions right now?”

“Calm.” Logan said, nodded. “Relieved. What do you feel, Patton?”

“Calm.” Patton said, nodding. “About the same, actually.” He nodded, considering this. “I think… my good emotions transferred to you.” 

“I don’t get it though.” Logan sat back, shaking his head. “I tried to use Virgil to restart your heart, and it wouldn’t work.” 

Roman closed his eyes, and a white glove appeared on his hand. “There. Now I can help you sit up.” Patton nodded, and took his hand, their motions still gentle and slow. 

“Still though.” Logan paused, putting his hand to his mouth in contemplation, watching Patton gently sit up. “I wonder if it’s because of the energy you exerted before the earth gave way.” 

Virgil leaned forward, looking into the gaping hole in the ground. “Woah. I did that?”

Logan and Roman nodded, glancing at each other. They looked at Patton. “How did you end up down there, anyway?”

Patton glanced around, expression still tired, and reached behind him for his dirty shirt. He pulled it over his head, knocking his glasses down, and put them back on. “I don’t know. I just… I remember feeling anxious. But then I pushed down, into the dirt. And suddenly I was with Thomas in a school.” He shuddered. “Oh, it was awful. I couldn’t stop making Thomas talk.” 

“Your fear couldn’t have been that simple.” Roman posited, confused.

“It wasn’t.” Patton looked at the dirt, feeling distant. “It was just… everyone hated him. They hated him… for what I made him feel.” He looked out across the grass, all the dead vegetation. “What happened out here?”

Roman sighed, looking around at his handiwork. “You happened. I… felt everything.” 

Patton looked him in the eye, eyebrows raised. “Oh.”

Virgil looked from side to side, sighing. “Okay. So. Now what?”

“I don’t know.” Logan frowned. He looked up, attention caught by a low humming sound. “Do you all hear that?”

“Yes…” Roman stood, looking down into the hole. “It’s coming from there.” He gasped. “Look!” 

Logan stepped forward, as did Virgil. Patton turned, watching.

“It’s like… it looks like a door.” Logan peered inquisitively inside what looked like a circular, glowing portal. “It looks like the dragon witch’s cave.”

They looked at each other, and then at Patton. 

“You ready to go back?” Virgil asked, looking at Patton. 

“Yeah.” Patton stood up, gingerly, trying not to let his weakness show. “The sooner we go in there…”

“The sooner we get back to Thomas.” Roman nodded. Each of them stared down into it again, and then looked at each other. 

“Here we go.” Logan felt Roman grip his hand. He looked to see that they were all holding hands, all ready to go together. “We jump on three. Ready?”

“Yeah.” Virgil squeezed Patton’s hand. 

“Okay.” Patton nodded, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Start the countdown.” Roman instructed. 

“One.” 

Logan found himself tightening his grip on Roman’s hand.

“Two.” 

Virgil looked at Patton, who only smiled at him. 

“Three.”

They jumped.

 

There was a rush of air and a sweltering heat; a wetness, like being in a warm rain; and then they were in the cave again.

All let go of each other’s hands and stared up at the dragon witch, who examined them, eyes narrowed. 

“So you made it back.” She said coolly. “How nice.”

“Yes.” Logan affirmed. “We made it through your little curse.”

“Little?” She scoffed, throwing her head back, laughing. She stopped, looking at them, and sighed. “I suppose, it is true that you are all still alive.” She leaned down, face to face with them. “I doubt you’ll want to be for long.”

“What are you talking about?” Patton threw his hands out, baffled. “We’re going back to Thomas.”

“I don’t know that he wants to see you again.” The dragon witch slunk back, body like a snake, scales glittering. 

“Why not?” Virgil clenched his fists, staring up at her. “We worked hard to get back. We’re going to see him. He needs us. He probably has been wondering where we are.”

“Oh at first, at first he was…” She let out a low, murmuring laugh. “You do know that what you do in the mind palace… you know it effects Thomas. Right?”

The sides looked at each other, bewildered. She went on.

“He hasn’t been doing so well.” She paused, eyes glowing down on them. “I imagine he’s let go of the bridge by now.”

“What are you even talking about?” Virgil began pacing, his voice growing lower, distorting. “Thomas is fine!”

“Enough talk.” Roman shook his head and stepped forward. “You will let us go home. You will leave the mind palace. We agreed that you would if we made it. We made it. You have to leave now, and we have to get back to Thomas.”

“Oh, we agreed, did we?” Smoke came out through the dragon witch’s nostrils, a danger sign. Her tail brushed around them, creating a sensation of being trapped. “But what if I just like toying with you down here?” 

“We agreed!” Roman shouted, furious. He drew his sword, raising it up at her. “You agreed!”

The cave shook with the dragon witch’s cackling. “Don’t you know that in order for a promise to mean anything, the one making it must be noble enough to keep it?” She smiled and giggled again. “Foolish boy.”

“No.” Virgil stepped forward, looking up at her. He threw off his hoodie, ignoring how distorted his voice sounded, stepping right towards her heat. “We are going back.” 

“You think you can stop me?” She tilted her head. “You, the most useless of them, the most scared?” She frowned at him. “You’re terrified right now.” 

“He’s not alone.” Logan looked at Patton and Roman, and gestured to Virgil. They all understood. Roman took his glove off, Patton stepped forward. They each touched Virgil, each closed their eyes, transferring themselves to him.

“We came here to spend time together.” Virgil closed his eyes, feeling the energy of the sides flow into him. Roman’s creativity. Patton’s love. Logan’s intelligence. “I didn’t want to come. I admit that. But these are my brothers.” He opened his eyes, a fire behind them. “We work best together. You cannot take that from us. You cannot take that from Thomas.” He felt the ground around him begin to shake, just as it had in the field. Only this time he felt prepared, confident. He held up his hand, a power emitting from it he never knew. Around the dragon witch, the ground began to crumble. He looked behind him, at the others, who were still touching him.

“You got this, buddy.” Patton whispered. 

“Do it.” Roman nodded, concentrating. 

“You can do this.” Logan gave his arm a squeeze.

Virgil looked back at the dragon witch, watching as she began to panic, pacing, looking all around her.

“No!” She shrieked. “He doesn’t want you anymore! Stay here with me!” She began to fall into the pit, clawing at the sides, wings tearing, deteriorating. “It’ll be nice! I won’t be cruel any more! I won’t!” She was pleading now, falling deep into the earth. 

Virgil opened his mouth. From him erupted a terrible, low sound, like a tornado. The dragon witch was knocked backwards, away from them. There was a sound like something being swallowed, like a great creature breathing. Then, suddenly, the cave floor was solid again. 

“Wow.” Logan whispered. They all looked at each other for a moment, stunned. 

“You did it!” Patton took Virgil into his arms, squeezing him tightly. Virgil laughed a little. Roman soon wrapped his arms around both of them. Logan sighed and, after a moment, joined suit. 

They all stood there, holding each other, breathing sighs of relief, before Logan pulled away.

“I think it’s about time we talked to Thomas.” He crinkled his brow in concern and looked at the others as the hug broke up. They each nodded. 

“Do you think we can leave now?” Roman mused. “Now that she’s gone?”

“One way to find out.” Patton raised his eyebrows. “On three?” 

“Virgil nodded. “On three.”

Logan closed his eyes. “One.”

* * *

  
  


Thomas looked groggily around himself, looking at the white curtains, listening to the beep of a monitor. He closed his eyes, groaning, and opened them again. A hospital.

He was about to call for a doctor to ask some questions about his aching head and arm, but then he heard it.

“Thomas?” 

Logan’s voice.


	17. Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I've named most of these chapters like Skins episodes? That was unintentional, actually.  
> Warnings: talk of suicide, angst, hospital, feels, mention of morphine... let me know if you need any others  
> Thank you guys SO MUCH for sticking with this story for so long. It wasn't really ever intended to be this big, epic story, but here we are.  
> I think at most there will be one chapter after this. Maaaaaaaybe two. Most likely one.

Thomas shook his head, dumbfounded. He shut his eyes, pain in his skull causing him to ache, a throbbing pounding beating with his pulse.

“Hey, Thomas. It’s me. Logan.” 

Thomas shut his eyes tightly, shutting out the sound of Logan’s voice. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be. It just didn’t make sense. He opened his eyes, expecting to see nothing, but instead saw next to him was a very real, very concerned Logan. He reached out, gently, and stopped, a pain searing through his right arm, and put it back on the bed, before shutting his eyes again. 

“Is he okay?” 

Thomas opened his eyes slightly and  turned his head too quickly towards the second whisper, making his brain fill with static, the pain returning. He blinked. Virgil was whispering to Patton. Both looked rather disheveled, with Patton covered head to toe in dirt. 

“Should we… come back another time?” 

Thomas looked at the end of the bed to see Roman, looking at the other sides, concerned. There was a moment of quiet, filled with the beeping of the monitor behind Thomas’s head. 

“Are you real?” Thomas could hear the hurt in his voice before he could stop it. “Are you really here?”

Patton looked at Logan, his eyes pained, and gestured to the doorway. 

“Close the door.” 

Thomas looked at Logan as he walked over the door and shut it, confirming their presence in the physical space of the room. He listened as a couple of chairs scooted up to his bedside, two on each side. Thomas began to sit up, a little, stopped by a searing pain in his arm. He held it up to see it was in a white cast, and looked to his right, where Logan and Roman were seated, then to his left, which held Patton and Virgil. 

“How are you doing, kiddo?” Patton inquired, looking at Thomas with a deep concern.

“I - What is happening here?” Thomas turned his head towards each of them in turn, deeply confused. He opened his mouth and closed it, feeling like he was in a dreamlike stupor, and looked at Logan, worried and angry. “I mean what is happening right now? Do you even know - do you have any idea what’s been happening? My life has been a living nightmare for over a week now, you guys are nowhere to be seen, and you just suddenly turn up?” He shook his head, forgetting the pain, and shut his eyes again, shutting them out. 

Virgil looked at the ground, guilt painted all over his face. “We sort of have a lot we need to tell you.”

“Yeah.” Thomas blew his bangs out of his face. “I think we definitely need to talk.” He sighed, groaning a little. “But so much has happened, I don’t really understand what’s going on anymore.”

“What put you here?” Roman looked around the hospital room, at the IV in Thomas’s hand, at the cast.

Thomas let out a groan of frustration. “It’s a long story.” 

“Ours is too.” Logan rubbed his hands together, thoughtful. “Would you like to go first, or should we?” 

Thomas shrugged. “I guess you guys. I feel like I need to know where you’ve been, you know?” He bit his lip, tears in his eyes. The sides watched as he held them back, not wanting to exacerbate his headache, not wanting to make things worse. His eyes betrayed him though, and Patton let out a small gasp when a tear began to make its way down his cheek. “I needed you. And you weren’t there. You know? I really needed you guys. I was going crazy in my home and my friends were worried and I couldn’t talk to you about any of it. And you weren’t there.”

“Well, actually, we were there… sort of.” Logan looked around at the other sides, who gave him questioned looks. “That’s what the dragon witch said at the end.” 

“I’m sorry.” Patton patted Thomas’s arm gently, avoiding the IV drip. He gave his arm a small squeeze, his voice breaking. “We all are.”

“It wasn’t supposed to get so… complicated.” Roman admitted, looking at the bed distantly. 

“It shouldn’t have happened at all.” Virgil murmured. He blew his bangs out of his face in frustration. “We could’ve done anything on your day, Roman, but you wanted to fight the dragon witch. Show off.”

“What’s your point?” Roman clenched his jaw. “We got out, didn’t we?” 

“Yeah, eventually, but look at Thomas.” Virgil gestured to the bed. “And anyway-”

“Guys, can we do this part later?” Thomas looked at Virgil with raised eyebrows. “Can you just tell me where you’ve been already? And why you’re so dirty? And -” He glanced at Virgil’s bandaged arm, his hoodie having been left behind. “What happened to your arm?” 

“The curse happened.” Virgil leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Roman, you wanna tell him what happened?”

“I think we all should take a turn. Or contribute, at least.” Logan gestured to the others, and then to Roman. “But yes. I think you should start.” 

Roman nodded and took a deep breath. He looked up at Thomas, whose eyebrows were slightly arched, expectant. “We agreed that we needed to start getting to know each other better. Not spending so much time in our rooms in the mind palace. We all picked a day where we agreed that we would, on that day, do something with each other, and one of us would lead the activity.”

“I even have a day.” Virgil shrugged. “But I usually just show you guys music. Sorry, I’ll try not to interrupt.” He muttered, Logan having shot him a silencing look.

“Tuesday was my day.” Roman looked at his hands and back up at Thomas, trying to get himself to maintain eye contact. “And well, I said, well, I said we should take on the dragon witch.”

“I thought that was something I just made up for a video.” The side of Thomas’s lip curled slightly as he bit his lip. 

“Yes. But what you make up - what I make up - becomes real in my part of the mindscape.” Roman explained. “You really need to stop thinking up so many dogs. They’re everywhere in parts of those fields. It’s a mad house.”

“Huh.” Thomas looked at his hand, at the blanket over his body. He had a soft smile on his face, thinking of the dogs in Roman’s fields. “That’s neat, I guess, that my imagination is so imaginative.” Roman blushed, pleased with himself.

“Yes. Well.. your imagination may be a lot more powerful than you previously realized, Thomas. Possibly even dangerous.” Logan posited. 

“Yes.” Roman glared at Logan for a moment, his pride stolen, then looked back at Thomas. “Anyway. We all went into her cave. It should’ve been simple.”

“But it wasn’t.” Virgil muttered, looking at the instructions on the side of the bed. Patton patted him on the back, gently.

“No.” Roman agreed. “It wasn’t. She took some energy from Virgil, or something like that. Used him to cast this curse.” 

“Curse?” Thomas snickered. “That’s a bit ridiculous, isn’t it?”

“I thought so too.” Logan said with a look of thought. “But then suddenly, we were all in this field. Somewhere else.” 

“Well, we didn’t all end up in the same place.” Patton added. “But we found each other. I hugged Logan when I found him, I was so worried. But something went... wrong.” 

“Wrong?” Thomas furrowed his brow. “What do you mean by wrong?”

“Well…” Patton looked up at the ceiling, searching for an explanation. “Logan, you wanna help me out?”

“He hugged me and we sort of… I sort of became him. In a way.” Logan sighed. “It was like I couldn’t think clearly. Like suddenly I felt everything, everything you feel, Thomas. And I panicked.”

“When was this?” Thomas asked reflectively, gears working in his mind.

“For you… it would have been Tuesday night.” Logan frowned at Thomas. “Why?”

“I remember being in Wal-Mart. I was looking to get some macaroni.” Thomas looked concerned, deeply thoughtful, remembering. “But then I got really scared. I couldn’t think of anything. I couldn’t think. And suddenly I was in the bathroom, and it was like, four hours later.” 

“Hmm.” Logan looked up at Patton, and then back at Thomas. His eyes flashed with realization. “Ah! Yes. I believe this is what she meant when she said we were effecting you.”

“When who said what? The dragon witch?” Thomas asked, leaning back on his pillow.

“Yes. Precisely.” Logan looked at Thomas’s cast again, then at Virgil’s arm. “Thomas, what else has been happening?” 

“A lot.” Thomas looked up at the ceiling. He screwed up his eyes tightly, nostrils flaring. “A whole lot.”

“What happened after the episode at Wal-Mart?” Patton asked, nervous. It was Virgil’s turn to pat him on the back.

“Well… I went to go home. But then I got anxious. I started kind of panicking. A car almost hit me. But I didn’t leave or call the cops, I just stayed there. An officer came and asked if I was okay. And I felt okay suddenly. Like not anxious at all. And I mean at all.” Thomas looked over at Virgil, then to the bandage on his arm. “Wait, hold on. How did that happen again?” 

“I hadn’t said yet.” Virgil shrank further back into his chair. The others looked at him, waiting, wondering if he would be honest. “But I… I did it.” 

The room was quiet for a moment, everyone looking at Virgil. The monitor beeped. Outside, a nurse shuffled down the hall. 

“Woah.” Thomas shook his head. 

“Yeah.” Virgil nodded, not looking up, examining his wrist as if looking at an object not attached to his body. 

“I don’t understand though, wha… why?” Thomas looked at him in utter and complete confusion. 

“Because - I’m afraid of being useless. Okay?” Virgil spat, glaring at Thomas, as if he should have already known the answer. He shrank further into himself, his eyes not leaving Thomas. “Because I’m afraid no one needs me. I guess. I’m not good for anything but making you feel bad, I mean.” 

“Verge, you’re not - no. If the encounter with the officer taught me anything it’s that you’re definitely not useless.” Thomas said sympathetically. “Please know that you aren’t useless. Please… talk to me if you ever feel like doing that again. Okay?”

Virgil swallowed and looked away. He gave a small nod and began biting his nails. 

“Ah yes. We forgot to tell you - the dragon witch made us face our fears.” Roman thought about the kelpie swallowing him, the stage, suffocating. “They were… each different.”

“Oh.” Thomas looked over at Virgil, pain in his eyes, watching him anxiously chewing on his fingers. “So… after that…”

“I woke up later. Roman had been acting crazy for I don’t know how long. Got my anxiety, I guess.” Virgil shrugged and looked up at Roman. 

“Yes, I was going to give him stitches, but then I couldn’t stop thinking.” Roman looked over at Logan. “He had to put on gloves to stitch him up, and I was too far gone. The anxiety made me want to make things, like I didn’t have enough time, or like you, Thomas, didn’t have enough time. I could’ve had all the time in the world and you wouldn’t have been able to act on all the ideas.” 

“Ideas?” Thomas asked, eyes growing wide. “Wait, you had a lot of ideas?”

“Ah!” Roman looked wistful. “Yes. So, so many ideas. I long to, just once, wish to create like that again.” He looked back at Thomas, tilting his head. “Why do you ask?”

“Because after the police thing, I got like, super creative. Like too creative.” Thomas considered all the papers all over his walls. “I just started writing down ideas, not sleeping, posting things on snapchat and instagram that were just - they didn’t make sense. Joan and Talyn got really concerned.” He looked around the room, eyes suddenly wide. “Oh geez. I hope they know I’m here.”

“Too creative.” Logan frowned. “Such as an elevated state of mood and activity, typically exhibited by individuals experiencing a manic episode?” 

“That’s what Talyn called it!” Thomas gasped and let out a small chuckle. He took a deep breath, remembering the drive to do things. “I just couldn’t stop writing things down. It was just totally out of my control. Talyn and Joan came over, I don’t know when, but they did. Talyn came up to me, and I couldn’t stop drawing things… And they hugged me at one point, and suddenly I just felt so... tired.” 

“That’s interesting.” Virgil glanced at Roman and then back at the edge of the bed. 

“Yes…” Roman nodded. “Very interesting. That’s how we got Virgil back his anxiety, too.” 

“You... hugged?” Thomas asked, looked amused. “Really?

“Well, we figured out skin to skin contact was what did it. Made us take on each other, so to speak.” Logan explained. “For example, when Patton touched me, I took on his emotions. When Roman touched Virgil, he took on his anxiety. And so on.”

“Yeah.” Patton sighed. “Glad we did figure that out.” 

“Took some trial and error, though.” Roman muttered. 

“And when you were at Wal-Mart, that was when I had Patton’s emotions.” Logan said thoughtfully. “And then the ideas… that was Roman taking on Virgil.”

“So… it sounds like every time one of you transferred to another, or this curse happened, I was effected somehow.” Thomas mused. He thought for a moment. “There’s something I still don’t understand though. Why didn’t you just leave the - well, wherever you were, the field or whatever - and just ignore the curse?”

“We tried.” Roman leaned back in his chair. “But we couldn’t.”

“Yes, we heard you calling to talk to us, but we couldn’t leave.” Logan agreed. “At least, not until we beat the curse.”

“Not until the curse was over.” Patton echoed. “Stupid curse.”

“So you... couldn’t leave.” Thomas sat up slightly, leaning on his good arm. “I think we need to keep going through this, see if we can keep connecting the dots. Might explain some things.” 

“I think next was Logan’s fear.” Patton looked up at Logan, looking for confirmation. “Right?”

“Yes… I went off on my own. I don’t remember why.” Logan looked at Thomas with a strange kind of sadness. “There was darkness. I could see my body, but I wasn’t in it. The others were holding me down - with buffers for the skin, of course. And then suddenly I was somewhere else, and there were these cells.”

“Cells?” Thomas inquired. “What do you mean, like a prison?”

“Sort of.” Logan looked away from him, as if afraid. “They were these white, concrete rooms, almost bare. And you, well, you were in them. At different stages of your life. In each room though, something was wrong with you. And it was my fault.” He admitted. Virgil glanced up at him, eyes large with the realization of what he had said.

“Wait. Did I have my mouth sewn shut in the first room?” Thomas asked slowly.

“Yes…” Logan leaned back, realizing. “You… you were there?”

“I had that nightmare.” Thomas gasped. “I had that nightmare! And at the end I-”

“Jumped out the window!” Logan looked as if he could have stumbled backwards through a solid brick wall. 

“You saw Thomas with his mouth sewn shut and you didn’t tell us?” Virgil cocked a brow, looking irritated. “Are you going to tell us what else you saw in there?”

“I was wondering how your fear effected him.” Patton admitted, looking from Logan to Thomas.

“That’s nuts.” Virgil smirked. “Kinda neat though, in a way? That you were there, in the mind palace with us, I mean that’s so-” 

“It was not neat.” Thomas and Logan said in unison, and then looked at each other, amused. Logan flashed a small smile and put his hand over his mouth.

“Do you want another pillow, kiddo?” Patton asked, looking concerned at the way he was propping himself up. 

“Oh.” Thomas nodded. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” He looked between them, his earlier anger replaced by curiosity. “What happened next?”

“Well, next specs over here wouldn’t let us go anywhere.” Roman shot Logan a slightly dirty look and watched as Patton put the pillow he’d removed from the cabinet behind Thomas’s head. “He said that the logical thing was to stay put.” He made dramatic air quotes and looked at Logan with a look of contempt.

“It made sense at the time.” Logan said awkwardly. 

“Or maybe you were just scared.” Virgil teased.

“Falsehood.” Logan said quietly.

“What did happen next was I went into the woods to get some firewood, and then, well… this is embarassing, but, well, you know, I’m a prince and I love mythical creatures, and you do too Thomas, you know you love fantasy, and, well, just-”

“Get on with it, prince gut-so.” Virgil smirked, knowledgeable.

“Yes, well, Thomas, you see… it’s just… It’s not very noble, and you see, Thomas, it’s just not very dignified, and well, you see, just... I was eaten by … a… unicorn.” Roman’s face was beet red as he looked at Thomas’s growing look of amazement. 

“A unicorn.” Thomas let out a small giggle, leaning back on the extra pillow at a slight angle to see them all better. “You were eaten… by a unicorn.”

“Yes.” Roman said dejectedly. “It’s not funny guys, I almost died!” He added, watching as the others began to laugh softly.

“Yes, you’re right. It definitely wasn’t funny at the time, anyway.” Logan mused. “It is kind of funny now though.” 

“We still love you.” Patton added, giggling.

“So Roman, you’re afraid of unicorns?” Thomas said with a small chuckle. 

“No… I’m not actually.” Roman’s tone turned dark, and the others immediately stopped giggling. It was a moment before Roman spoke again. “It was a lot more complex than that. 

‘I was in a theater. You were on stage. You were young. Very young. And you couldn’t remember your lines, or say them well enough. The audience started booing. And I looked around and the audience was me. All different copies of... me.” Roman leaned forward, clasping his hands together. “I think I’m afraid of being the one who brings you down.” 

“Huh.” Thomas looked up at the ceiling again, thoughtful. “Interesting. So Logan’s fear is that his logic will keep me from being happy. Virgil’s is being useless. And Roman’s is being negative?”

“Something like that.” Logan agreed. “Though I would say that the psychological implications of each of these fears is something we should thoroughly analyze at a later time.” 

“Oh, also, we had to help each other out of these things.” Patton added. “You forgot about that part, Roman.”

“Yes.” Roman nodded. “So any time we were alone, a fear would come for whomever was off on their own. And when the others found him, he would require everyone else’s assistance. Remember when we said that our traits would transfer?”

“Yeah.” Thomas nodded. “What about it?”

“Well, when Logan was unconscious, we woke him up with Virgil. Fight or flight.” Roman explained, gesturing to Virgil, who looked at the ground awkwardly. “When I wasn’t breathing, Patton and Vir-”

“Woah hold on. Hold on. When you weren’t breathing?” Thomas looked alarmed. “When weren’t you breathing?”

“I’m getting to that.” Roman said calmly. 

“Okay.” Thomas leaned back again, eyes still wide. 

“Okay. So I’m in this other world, and suddenly everything goes dark.” Roman looked at Logan, waiting. 

“Ah. Yes.” Logan looked at Patton and Virgil. “These two goons went looking for him and almost got eaten themselves.” 

“We thought it was a unicorn too.” Patton muttered defensively.

“You thought it was a unicorn. I thought something was off about it, remember?” Virgil said defensively. He looked at Logan, smiling just slightly. “Really though - what you did was pretty bad ass, Logan.” He waggled his eyebrows. 

“What did you do exactly?” Thomas asked curiously.

“It was disgusting - he just ran up and stabbed the thing with Roman’s sword!” Patton cringed. “He killed a unicorn! Like Lord Voldemort!”

“A unicorn who ate someone, Patton. I don’t think that was a unicorn. My studies have shown that unicorns do not typically engage in the consumption of meat, let alone human flesh.” Logan pointed out. 

“Yes, well. It looked like a unicorn.” Patton shrugged and looked at the ground sheepishly. 

“Do you think it was a kelpie?” Thomas asked.

“A what?” Roman furrowed his brow. “Oh. Like those Scottish shape shifting things?”

“Yeah.” Thomas raised his arm to point and winced, putting it back down.

“Do we need to get out of here?” Patton asked kindly. “Do you need pain medication?”

“Well, I do hurt, but I want to finish this first.” Thomas leaned deeply into the pillow. “I think maybe morphine is in the IV drip, anyway. I do feel pretty warm.” 

“Nifty. So you’re high.” Virgil snorted with laughter. “We’re going to explain all this and you’re not even going to remember it. That just figures.” 

“I do think I’ll remember.” Thomas raised his arm and looked at himself. “I feel pretty much like myself right now. Just - myself in pain.” The sides looked at Logan, who nodded, urging the conversation to continue.

“What happened with you in the real world next, Thomas?” Roman leaned forward, curious. 

“Well… nothing for a couple of days. Which reflects what you guys did. And then I was driving, and I couldn’t see color. Everything went sort of grey. Like I was in a black and white movie.” Thomas looked uncomfortable, and then looked up at Roman in anger. “ And then I crashed my car- Talyn and Joan were in the car! They could’ve been hurt. And I have no idea if the other driver is okay.” His tone had changed rapidly from understanding to something rare for Thomas’s bright personality - pure fury. “Your little adventure could have killed my friends!” 

The sides all looked at each other, horrified. Virgil’s eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape. Roman shook his head and looked at his knees, mortified. Patton looked as if he’d been punched in the gut. Logan pressed his lips together in silence. “I could have killed my friends.” Thomas added, his voice quieting.

“We had no idea, Thomas.” Patton said quietly, a tear rolling down his cheek. “No idea.”

“Yes.” Logan looked at Patton, then at Thomas, who was refusing to look at him. “We didn’t have any way of knowing what we were doing effected you - not until the end.”

“We would never intentionally hurt you or your friends.” Roman tapped his foot on the tile floor, boot clicking.

“Never.” Virgil said softly. 

Thomas closed his eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I could have killed someone.”

“We’re so sorry.” Roman whispered. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s not okay.” Thomas shook his head, looking at Roman with nostrils flared. 

“No. It’s not.” Roman agreed, subdued.

“I mean, how do you think I ended up here?” Thomas’s eyes gestured wildly around the room and then back at Roman. “I did something I really regret, and I felt like I couldn’t control myself doing it, and I don’t know what people are going to say or think.” 

The room was silent again. Roman stared at Thomas, hot tears in his eyes. The other sides watched as Roman stood up and walked over to the small bathroom that was in the room, shutting himself in it. Thomas felt more tears roll down his own cheeks, seemingly against his will. 

“I didn’t mean… I just…” Thomas shook his head, closing his eyes and gasping slightly at his headache. “I don’t know.”

“Thomas we’re so sorry. He walked away because he feels terrible. Not because he doesn’t love you.” Patton whispered. He reflected on what the dragon witch had told him:  _ And when you all see how much this little adventure has damaged your precious Thomas, when you do go home, you’ll be a whole lot more afraid, and you’ll come back here and beg me to kill each of you.  _ He tightened his fist. “We wanted more than anything to come back. We put ourselves in danger, over and over, sometimes unknowingly, to try and get back. We wanted more than anything to see how you were. We didn’t expect to come back and see you like - like this. We didn’t know.” Patton swallowed hard, his the cracks in his voice showing the strength of his emotion, the pain. “All we wanted was to come home.” 

Thomas nodded slightly, eyes still closed, listening, thinking. He let out a small sob, from somewhere deep inside his chest, the emotions finally settling in. The memories of the grey light, the conversations with his parents, the bridge… he couldn’t help it. Thomas couldn’t help the hurt on his face, the tears that streaked it. He felt one of the sides gently running their hand through his hair, a soothing gesture, but it only made him cry harder. 

“It’s okay, Thomas. It’s okay.” 

Thomas felt his chest heave. He let out a few hiccups and listened, too emotional to speak, as the sides gave him words of comfort. He opened his eyes to see Patton looking down on him lovingly, holding back his own emotions, his smile terrible and pained. He closed his eyes and shook his head in protest, unable to speak.

“We’ll make it okay, Thomas.” Logan’s voice, the one who typically avoided emotion. 

“Yes… we’ll do what we can to make things right.” Thomas opened his eyes to see Roman standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes red as well. He closed his eyes again, let out a shaking sob, and tried to listen to Virgil’s instructions on relaxing his breathing. In for eight… hold for seven… out for four. His body began to drift away, the crying carrying some of his stress away, as his body drifted into a dreamless sleep.

It was a while before Thomas opened his eyes again. He looked around, to his right and to his left, to see that the sides were all asleep, curled up in chairs at different angles, with the exception of Virgil, who was watching the small television at the top left corner of the room. 

“What time is it?” Thomas asked weakly. 

Virgil spun around. “Oh, you’re awake.” He shut off the television, trying his best to appear nonchalant about the whole thing. “And I don’t know. We did have to hide a few times when they checked on you. 

“Do you know if my family’s here?” Thomas looked around the room, at the sleeping sides, and back to Virgil.

“Yeah… they should be gone for a little while though. Maybe a few hours. Your mom was pretty much… she wasn’t okay. Your dad convinced her to go get some food, away from all this. Kind of as a distraction. Oh, and Shea’s here.” Virgil added.

Thomas made a small noise of consideration, wondering when he’d seen his younger brother last. “Wow.”

“Yeah. So we should probably get back to what we were talking about. You know, so we can figure out why you’re in, well…” Virgil gestured to the hospital room.

“Right.” Thomas nodded. “Do you wanna…”

“Right.” Virgil reached over and shook Patton’s shoulder. Patton shifted and stretched, and blinked. When he saw Thomas he smiled widely as Virgil walked around the room to wake up the other sides.

“How are you feeling, kiddo?” He asked kindly as Virgil gave Roman a rather rough poke in the ribs. 

“Tired.” Thomas admitted. “But… there’s more we all need to talk about.” 

“Right.” Patton nodded in agreement. He looked up at Logan, who looked extremely tired, and Roman, who was fixing his hair absentmindedly, as Virgil walked back over to his chair next to Patton. 

“What’s up, Thomas?” Roman asked groggily, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“I realized that there’s more we should talk about.” Thomas said, glancing at him, not sure about what to say. 

“Hmm.” Roman nodded. He bit his cheek and looked up at Thomas, into his large brown eyes, identical to his own. “Thomas, I just want to say I’m sorry for getting up and leaving, I don’t know what overcame me there.”

“It’s alright.” Thomas said with a small nod. “It’s very emotional in here.” 

“Indeed.” Logan agreed quietly. “But yes, there is more story to tell. Where were we?”

“I think we were discussing the unicorn incident.” Patton glanced at Virgil, who nodded. “And in your world, Thomas, there was a car accident.” 

Thomas gave a tight nod. “Yeah. I couldn’t see color, so I couldn’t tell what light was on, and I ran a red.”

“Right.” Logan nodded. “Well, most likely, that was because Roman had stopped breathing. I was giving him CPR, but it wasn’t enough.” 

“You weren’t breathing?” Thomas creased his brow. “Did we go over this already?”

“Some of it, I think.” Roman nodded. “Yes.. I suffocated in the beast. Though in my nightmare, with you, it was more like being trampled in a crowd. Quite horrific.”

“Virgil and I ressestated him.” Patton smiled, looking rather pleased with himself. 

“Good.” Thomas nodded. “That’s… that’s really good.” 

“It was Virgil’s idea to use the transfer to start him back up. Really smart, this guy.” Patton added, nudging Virgil. Virgil shrugged, rolling his eyes a little, but still looking pleased with himself.

Roman shook his head. “If only I’d seen the beast for what it was.” 

“Something bad would’ve happened to you either way. You were alone. That’s what happened when we were alone.” Logan sighed. “There was a rest period, so to speak. I think we all needed that quite a lot. But then Patton realized that he had to go off on his own in order for him to face his fear. We figured that, if we did this, we would have defeated the curse.” 

“I figured that if I let it happen, maybe it would be over.” Patton said with a small shrug. “What happened after the car accident here, kiddo?”

“Well… I was in my apartment. And suddenly I could see color again. I guess that’s when you-” He pointed his eyes to Roman, “-must have come back. And I was celebrating, and suddenly Joan, Talyn, and my dad were at my door. My dad asked me to go home with him, or to sleep on my couch. They were all worried, and Joan and Talyn were reasonably upset with me. So I decided to go back with my dad. Things seemed okay, I guess. I mean things sucked, but it wasn’t like, drawing pictures on the walls or losing color or become incredibly anxious in the middle of Wal Mart, you know?” He looked at Logan, who nodded for him to continue. “But I couldn’t sleep. And then I suddenly felt like… I don’t know. Passionate? But about a lot of things?” He looked at the ceiling, searching for words. “It was like… I just felt… not like before, not like putting stuff on the walls creative. But like… really loving. And creative, too? I just… wanted to experience things. So I walked to this park to see the sun rise.”

“Hmm.” Patton nodded. “I think… you feeling creative like that was me sinking into the earth in the mind palace.” 

“You put yourself there?” Roman’s eyes widened with surprise. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I think I thought that I could lessen it somehow by not being around. I didn’t realize that I was becoming a part of you like that.” He adjusted his glasses and looked at the television, which was now off. “I just felt this really strong anger towards you, Roman. The dragon witch - she said that we were afraid of how powerful we can be. But then I think we figured out that we work really well in balance instead.” 

“What happened with you then?” Thomas asked cautiously.

“Well… the dragon witch said I was afraid that I could be too powerful.” Patton rubbed his hands together, struggling slightly to maintain his usually happy demeanor, which up to this point had been under the surface of his words. “She was kind of right. My fear was making you do things before you were ready, because I felt them, I think. People started calling you slurs and I couldn’t protect you. And then everything went black.” 

“Yes… the surface was distressing as well.” Logan looked at Thomas with a serious expression and then at Roman. “We went looking for Patton because Virgil’s voice became deep and disturbing. Perhaps Patton and Virgil share a connection, as anxiety can indeed be propelled by the heart. I digress. We came upon this clearing - we were in a forest, you see, and there was a brook. And Patton’s cardigan was there, but no Patton. And then Roman, you see, well, he kind of ‘lost it’, as the kids might say.”

“I don’t think that’s what the kids say.” Roman said with a smirk. “But yes. I became highly creative and stopped paying attention to our task at hand. I started making fields of flowers, stars in the day, northern lights. Oh Thomas, it was a grand display. You would have been very pleased.”

“But I got worse.” Virgil wrapped his arms around his body and leaned forward, looking unsettled. “I keep feel something was wrong. Really wrong. And it was like - all around me, the ground was shaking as I was. And then the ground shook so much that this hole appeared, and.... and I don’t remember anything after that.”

“Yes… well.” Logan pushed his glasses up his nose. “Thomas, do you remember feeling sad at any point during your park excursion?” 

“Yes… yes.” Thomas nodded. “I was hanging off this bridge… just for fun. You know? Just a thing you do a hundred times without thinking. Just this bridge that’s maybe two stories off the ground, not that high up, not that dangerous, or I’m not thinking about it. And I was having so much fun. And then suddenly I couldn’t feel anything positive… at all. It was like… it was like in Harry Potter, where dementors make you feel like you’ll never be happy again? You know?” He looked up at the ceiling, uncomfortable with his own emotions for the moment. “I felt like that, like nothing would really be anything okay again. Ever.”

“Yes… well remember how Roman suffocated earlier?” Thomas nodded. “You see, Patton is your heart, in a manner of speaking. When he was in the earth, he suffocated eventually…and I think we knew because Roman stopped creating, suddenly, almost as if he’d been fatally wounded.” Logan sighed.

“All the flowers died.” Roman said, suddenly very sad. “The lights went away. It was the deepest sadness, the most empty thing, I’d ever felt. I felt Patton in me, it made me stronger. But then suddenly, there was nothing- no strength, no feelings. Nothing. It was like… it was like I felt Patton dying.” 

Thomas opened his mouth in shock, letting the words echo around him. “You… died?” He asked, staring at Patton. 

Patton nodded, saying nothing.

“Wow I’m… I’m so sorry, Pat.” Thomas said quietly, unsure what to say in moments like this. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” He added, watching as tears began to roll down Patton’s typically cheerful face.

“I’m sorry I’ve cried so much today.” Patton whispered, sniffing. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m supposed to be the source of your good feelings, in a way. And all of this, this room, this bed, not knowing how you ended up here still, it’s just a lot. I’m just so sensitive. You know that Thomas, you know that. And I guess I’m saying that I’m sorry about that.” 

“I think it’s healthy to let it out, Patton.” Logan watched as Patton looked at him with surprise. “The best course of action we can take right now is to embrace how we work in a balance, after all.” 

“Yeah. It’s okay. Something bad happened to you. You’re allowed to feel sad sometimes.” Virgil agreed. “Okay?”

“Hey Patton?” Thomas asked, looking at his side tenderly.

“Yeah Thomas?” Patton sniffed and looked up.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” 

“I don’t know, Thomas.” Patton looked at him expectantly. “Why?”

“She was afraid someone would Ceasar.” Thomas said, grinning. He watched as Patton laughed, comforted. Roman chuckled, Virgil smirked, and Logan simply sighed. 

“What a silly way to… you know what, if it helps Patton, I’m for it.” Logan said quietly. Virgil snickered. 

“What happened with you after you were on the bridge, Thomas?” Roman inquired, looking around the room. “I don’t assume it was good.”

“No.” Thomas looked forward, at his hands, away from the others. “It wasn’t good.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Virgil looked down at the ground and back at Thomas, uncertain. “Are you okay with talking about it?”

“Tell me what happened with you guys next.” Thomas looked over at Virgil, then at Patton. “I mean, you got back somehow.”

“That was Logan’s doing, actually.” Roman gestured to Logan, who smiled, pleased with himself. 

“Really?” Thomas raised his eyebrows, obviously curious.

“Yes… well, Roman was incapacitated. And Virgil, he just collapsed. I didn’t know what to do, but I had to do something. I dragged Patton out of the pit, then I dragged Virgil over to Patton. But it wasn’t enough. So, I started doing CPR. But it wasn’t enough.” He looked at Roman with a thankful expression. “Roman is the one who conjured the defibrillator.” 

“Yes, well… you had to get me to do it, still.” Roman nudged Logan gently on the arm, smiling. “Take some credit for something that was emotionally driven for once in your life, you nerd.”

“The important part here is that Patton is okay.” Logan gestured to Patton, and then looked back at Thomas. “But there was still one fear to overcome.”

“What are you talking about?” Roman frowned. “We’d all done it at that point.”

“Not exactly.” Logan raised a finger, making a point. “Do you remember who got us out of there, when we were back with the dragon witch?” 

“Oh.” Patton’s eyes grew wide. “Oh!” 

“What are you talking about?” Thomas looked from Patton to Logan, clearly confused. “What happened with the dragon witch at the end?”

“There was a portal, you see, back to her cave. Back to where we began this whole messy saga. The dragon witch, though, she wouldn’t leave, said she wanted to keep us. Even though we’d held up our end of the bargain.” Logan explained.

“Bargain?” Thomas looked at Logan, then at Roman. “I don’t remember any bargain?”

“Ah. Well, I challenged the dragon with to a duel. I said that if we won, she would never be allowed to return. If we lost, I would leave.” Roman shrugged. “I felt invincible at the time.” 

“Oh.” Thomas nodded and laughed quietly. “That is very much like you, Roman.”

“Yeah, and it almost cost us everything.” Virgil muttered, glaring at Roman. “And what are you talking about with facing a fear here?”

“You, Virgil.” Logan tilted his head, crossing his arms. “That seems rather obvious, don’t you think?”

“You were afraid of being useless, but we needed you.” Patton clapped him on the back, causing Virgil’s body to give a small jolt. 

“It was you who got us out of there. Away from her.” Roman agreed. “You weren’t useless at all.” 

“Oh.” Virgil looked surprised by this. He looked at Patton, who was grinning at him like a cheshire, and then at Roman and Logan. 

“What did you do, exactly?” Thomas leaned towards Virgil, looking curious. 

“Well I - I don’t know. I just kind of did what I did in the field, but like, I don’t know… they helped me out. A lot.” Virgil shrugged. “And weren’t we going to say what happened on the bridge next?” 

“Hmm.” Thomas looked away, color draining from his face. “I feel like you guys kind of already know what happened. You just want me to say it.”

Logan nodded, looking at the others. “I think we just want to ensure your safety from this point forward, Thomas. Nothing more.”

“Do you remember it?” Roman asked, swallowing hard.

“Yes.” Thomas nodded, staring at the shape of his feet.

“Were you pushed?” Patton asked hopefully.

“No.” Thomas shook his head. “No. I did it. I don’t know if I wanted to or not, but I did it.”

“Perhaps when Patton and Virgil were out of the picture you lost both your impulse control and your good feelings, Thomas.” Logan posited. 

“Yeah. Maybe.” Thomas sighed, a heavy sound from somewhere within him. “I’m glad we’re finally talking about this and this is finally starting to make some sense. But what am I going to tell my family? I mean, what happens next, you know?” 

“You can tell them whatever you want to tell them.” Logan said.

“Tell them what you’re comfortable telling them. But don’t lie.” Patton said, smiling.

“Just… don’t tell them everything. They won’t really understand, I don’t think.” Virgil said quietly.

“I still can’t get over how powerful you really are, Virgil.” Roman smiled at him, both prideful and sincere. “I mean, really, we couldn’t have done it without you.

“Yeah, well, fight or flight, am I right?” Virgil said, shrugging. 

“You saved all of us.” Roman smiled at Virgil, who was looking embarrassed. “Without you, we would not have defeated her.” 

“Thank you, Virgil.” Patton said, smiling.

“Yes. Thank you.” Logan agreed. 

“You’re welcome.” Virgil scratched the back of his neck with his good arm, looking uncomfortable with being the center of attention. “But Roman?”

“Hmm?”

“We are never challenging the dragon witch again.” 


	18. Everyone Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...holy crap... this is the end of this fic.
> 
> This is super emotional.  
> Thank you to everyone who has read and supported it every step of the way! I appreciate it so much, it's so encouraging. 
> 
> Warnings: Discussion of suicide, hospital

Thomas smiled at the sight of a red haired nurse coming in the door, one with which he’d developed a rapport during his stay. She smiled back, toting in a blood pressure monitor on wheels, brushing a bang behind her ear.

“Hey, Tommy boy.” She said in a snarky voice, wheeling it up to the bed. 

“Hey, Ginger girl.” He replied, issuing her their newly found standard greeting. He held out his arm and watched as she wrapped the cuff around it, velcroing it into place. 

“How are you feeling this morning?” She asked, pressing the button on the machine and getting out a thermometer from the same device.

“Good. Ready to go home, I think.” Thomas admitted. He reflected for a moment on the goodbye the sides had given him, on the conversation prior. “Am I allowed to go home?” He asked, just before she put the thermometer towards his mouth. 

“Well, I think we have to ask doc Barns.” She muttered, watching as the cuff began to deflate. She sighed, pressing the button again, muttering that the reading never seemed to take the first time. She took the thermometer from his mouth. “97.8. Not bad.”

“I like your scrubs today.” Thomas gestured towards the polar bear covered shirt and the pumpkin covered pants. 

“Well, when you can’t choose a favorite holiday…” Ginger shrugged and began to remove the cuff. “One forty over eighty. Something stressing you out?”

Thomas shrugged. “I don’t know, the thought of leaving, I guess. Plus I’ve never had a broken rib before.”

“We’ll get you fixed up with some good stuff.” Ginger said with a grin. “Oh, hey. Looks like you’ve got visitors.” She added, looking towards the door and seeing Talyn and Joan. Ginger began to exit, calling past the two of them, “I’ll leave you to it and I’ll get the doctor in here soon.” 

“Hey!” Thomas would’ve jumped out of bed had he’d felt more able, but it didn’t matter. He soon found himself enveloped in one tiny person’s hug and another, slightly larger set of arms. For a moment the three all embraced each other, before Talyn and Joan each pulled up a chair and got close to the bed.

“So… how are things?” Thomas asked, looking between the two of them.

“How’ve  _ you  _ been?”

“It was all over the news-”

“Did you talk to the sides?”

“Did you see Shea’s downstairs?”

“Did your parents come?”

“Are you okay?”

Thomas’s eyes went wide with the flurry of questions. He waited, watched as the two realized they were talking over each other, and chuckled slightly when they stopped, looking a bit sheepish. 

“I’m okay. I haven’t watched the news... I did talk to the sides. And yeah, I know Shea’s here. My parents left, said they’d be back tomorrow if I’m still here.” Thomas said slowly, trying to remember each question in turn. 

“So, like, what happened? Why the hell didn’t you call me if you felt like jumping off a fucking bridge?” Joan said, a little snappy. They swallowed, trying to bring down their anger. “I mean Jesus, Thomas. We were already scared, and you go and do that? Are you okay?” Their eyes softened, realizing the tone of what they’d said. “I didn’t mean it like… are you okay?”

“I think I will be okay. But it’s… not as simple as it looks.” Thomas sighed, leaning back on his pillows, which hadn’t moved since Patton had adjusted them. “I have a lot to tell you guys.”

“Okay.” Joan nodded, waiting. “Tell us.”

“Okay.” 

Thomas then proceeded to tell them everything  he knew- every bit that the sides had told him, how it had mirrored with the real world. He told them about Wal-Mart, he told them how Roman had been driven to mania by Virgil. He told them about Virgil slitting his wrists, and about Virgil’s fear of being useless. He told them about how Logan and Roman’s fears were less direct, and how Patton’s fear was so complex. He told them about how he couldn’t exactly help certain things when the sides exchanged traits - such as the drawings on the walls, or not seeing color. He explained about the feeling on the bridge, and how it felt to let go. He told them how the sides had wept with him, apologized to him, how hard it had been to let himself cry. He told them how Virgil had, in the end, beaten the dragon witch, and how they’d found him here, in his bed, barely awake, and how they’d done their best to explain everything.

When he had finished, he looked at them, waiting for a response, unsure what to say or think. 

“Wow.” Joan muttered, looking at their hands. “That’s… huh.”

“A lot.” Thomas nodded. “I know.”

“Have you told the doctors here that?” Talyn glanced around, as if afraid to be heard. “Because they’re gonna think you’re crazy.”

Thomas sighed. “I’m not sure what to tell them. No one’s asked yet why I… well, did… what I did.” 

“Hmm.” Talyn shrugged, leaning back in their chair. There was a moment’s pause while they collected their thoughts, but then they sighed. “Well, when they do, you’re gonna have to come up with something. Because I don’t think ‘sides of my personality literally created an impact on my life because of a dragon witch’s curse’ is going to fly.”

“I have a lot of questions because of this. Like, how powerful is Roman? Is the dragon witch a side? How is she - how did any of this happen? How is one of your sides a ‘she’? And again is she a side? Does this mean there’s something chemically wrong in your brain?” Joan crossed their arms, looking around the room. “I just feel like there’s a lot here I don’t really get.”

“Yeah. Me too, honestly.” Thomas chuckled. “I’m glad that I have answers though for some of it at least.”

“You’d be a really interesting brain scan.” Joan said, shrugging. 

There were three raps on the door, causing all three of them to look to the doorway. 

“Hey, Shea!” Thomas said, grinning. 

“Hey!” Shea came around the edge of the bed and gave Thomas a gentle hug. He then pulled up a chair that was on the opposite side, its squeak across the floor giving a small hello. “How’re you - how’re things?”

“They’re okay, I think?” Thomas shrugged. “I mean, everything hurts, but I’m here, right?”

“Yeah.” Shea looked at Talyn and Joan, then back at Thomas. “So… do you want to talk about it? About you jump-falling off a - about what happened?”

“Well-”

There were another three knocks on the door. The group turned and looked at a man in a blue button up with a name tag around his neck and silver glasses. 

“Hello… sorry to interrupt.” The man edged his way around Joan and held his hand out to Joan, Talyn, Shea, and Thomas in turn. “I’m Doctor Barns. It’s nice to meet… all of you.”

“This is Talyn, Joan, and my brother Shea.” Thomas gestured with his head towards each of them and then looked towards the well dressed man in front of him. 

“Well it’s always nice to have company in circumstances like these.” The doctor said with a smile. His expression then changed to one of concern. “However, Thomas, I’m afraid I’m going to need to speak with you alone.” 

“Anything you have to say you can say in front of them.” Thomas reassured him. “Talyn and Joan aren’t family technically but they might as well be, and Shea’s - you can say anything you need to say in front of them.”

“I’d prefer to speak to you alone. I’m here to do a psychiatric evaluation.” Doctor Barns explained. He waited for a moment, watching the quiet collect in the room, interrupted only by the monitors that had been beeping softly since Thomas’s arrival. 

“Oh.” Thomas nodded, stomach growing cold. “Right. That.”

“I guess we’ll wait outside?” Joan gestured to Shea and Talyn, who nodded. Thomas watched, feeling a little helpless, as they all stood up. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Thomas said, trying to sound encouraging. He swallowed as he watched them exit the room. A moment later, Doctor Barns shut the door behind them, leaving them alone.

“So, Doctor Barns.” Thomas sat up, slowly, wincing a little, but determined. “What do we need to talk about?” 

“First of all, please call me Tom. I know that’s a little weird, us having the same first name, but I feel familiarity is important for this kind of talk.” Tom sat down in the same chair Talyn and previously occupied and held out a clipboard Thomas had not previously noticed. “Do you want me to adjust your bed or anything? Make it easier to sit up?”

“Yeah, actually, there’s a lever right there - yeah.” Thomas felt the bed rise up to meet his back and nodded in gratitude. “That’s definitely easier.”

“I thought it might be.” Tom tapped his pen twice on the papers on the clipboard and looked up at the younger man in front of him. “Now… you’re in here because of a suicide attempt. Is that correct?”

“In a way.” Thomas admitted. He looked away, feeling heat on his face. “I mean, it’s, there’s more to it than that. I didn’t mean to do it.”

“When you were brought in, I was told it was because you took leave from a bridge.” Tom sounded as if he were struggling to find a way to delicately approach the subject, but there wasn’t a more delicate way of approaching it. “Is this something you’ve experienced before?”

“Is what?” Thomas asked, looking back at him.

“Suicidal ideation. Suicidal thoughts.” Tom gestured with his pen and looked up at Thomas, raising an eyebrow over a steely blue eye. “Attempting suicide without meaning to.”

“No - no.” Thomas shook his head. “No, never.”

“Do you have access to deadly weapons in your home such as firearms?” 

“No.” Thomas shook his head and watched as the man scribbled something on his paper. “I’m not a danger to myself or anyone else.”

“Any history of psychiatric illness in your family?” 

“I don’t know, really. I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Thomas admitted. He fidgeted with the arm that was in the cast and watched as he scribbled something else on his paper. “Wait, do you think I’m crazy?”

“No. No, nothing like that.” Tom shook his head and looked at Thomas sympathetically, brushing back his long grey hair. “I think you may be in need of some help, that’s all.”

“What do you mean by ‘help’?” Thomas furrowed his brow, a mixture of curious and afraid. 

“Well… we have a floor here. A floor for people like you who may not be fully aware of their mental state, so to speak. Just until we know you’re safe.” Tom explained. “It’s just a precaution.”

“You’re… wait what? What’s going on? A floor?” Thomas shook his head. “No, no. There’s a mistake. I didn’t mean to - I didn’t want to kill myself. Well… I did. But it wasn’t my fault, it was the sides-” 

Thomas’s face grew white as Tom stopped writing and looked at him, expectant.

“The sides?” 

Thomas felt his heart pounding. How could he explain his way out of this? “No - forget I said that.”

“Thomas, I need you to be completely honest with me.” Tom was holding his pen like he was poised to write but Thomas felt like ice was running down his back. “I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.”

“I don’t need help, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Thomas felt his muscles clenching, felt his eyes fluttering. “I’m not crazy.”

“I never said you were crazy.” Tom said gently. “None of our patients are.”

“Patients?” Thomas shook his head. “Not that kind of patient, I’m not that kind of patient.” He looked away again, running his tongue over his teeth. “I don’t think it would make sense. I can’t explain it. I just, I didn’t mean to. Isn’t that enough?”

“Well, Thomas, see that’s the problem. If you didn’t mean to, how can I guarantee your safety?” Tom said gently as ever, watching Thomas’s breathing grow faster. “I know you want to get back into the world. But if I can’t promise you you’ll be safe, I’d be doing you a great disservice. What happens next time that you ‘don’t mean to’? The bridge you jumped from was about a two story drop, not enough to kill. What happens next time that you’re driving and this urge overtakes you, or you’re on another bridge? You want to be here, and we want to figure out why these random suicidal actions may be happening before they happen again.” 

Thomas shut his eyes, unsure what to do, say, think. He felt his anxiety growing, consuming. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He couldn’t think of anything to explain his situation. There wasn’t a way out, no way to-

“NO.”

Thomas’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Virgil’s distorted, deep voice invading the room. He looked at Tom, who had stumbled back in his chair and was clutching his clipboard as if it were a shield. 

“How did you just appear like that - how - where did you come from? This is a secured room!” Tom half yelled, half whispered, gasping. 

“THOMAS ISN’T CRAZY.” Virgil growled. 

“Verge, could you just… could you calm down a bit?” Thomas held out his hand, a gesture to try and calm Virgil, to get him to breathe. He watched as Virgil began to take deep breaths, and as next to him Patton rose up from nothingness.

“Virgil, get back to the mind palace! We can’t just do this unless Thomas calls us!” Patton hissed, tugging at Virgil’s hoodie, looking at him as if afraid.

“Do you have - are you a triplet?” Tom shouted, then looked at Thomas, extreme confusion all over his face. “Are you a triplet?” He asked again, this time whispering. 

Thomas sighed. “This is… these are two of my sides.” He explained, trying to sound as casual as possible. “These are… these guys are why I did what I did. Kinda. It wasn’t their fault, really.” 

“Are they real?” Tom asked, now sinking into the corner. 

“Hi!” Patton said with a happy wave. He then put his hand down and tugged again on Virgil’s sleeve. “I’m sorry, stranger, Virgil just kinda got out of control there.”

“I’m not about to let them shove Thomas onto a psych ward.” Virgil snapped. “Especially since he doesn’t actually need it. It would be one thing if he were depressed and we had nothing to do with it but that didn’t happen, and now they want to shove him away-”

“Hey now, hey, Virgil, calm down.” Thomas stood up from the bed and began to walk towards the sides, glancing back at Tom, stopping when his IV tugged at his arm. “Guys, come on, this isn’t helping.” 

“Remarkable… how did they hide?” Tom stepped around the room, eyes wild, looking at the floor, looking at everything around them. “Where were they?”

“They didn’t exactly hide. It’s… like they just kind of… they become physical when I call on them.” Thomas explained. “Tom… this is Patton and Virgil. My morality and my anxiety.”

“Two Toms? How do you do?” Patton grinned, extending his hand. Tom simply stared, wild eyed. “Don’t worry, you won’t go through me.” 

“How is this possible?” Tom asked, bewildered, shaking Patton’s hand. “This shouldn’t be possible. How is this- how?”

“I’m working on an answer to that.” All four of them jumped, causing Thomas to wince, as they heard Logan’s voice. “I believe that the answer currently lies outside of understanding of the physical world as we know it.” 

“A warning would be nice, guys.” Thomas sat on the edge of his bed, gingerly touching the IV, which was slowly ripping out of his arm. “Gosh.”

“We should get a nurse for that. I’ll go!” Patton said happily, only to be bodily held back by Virgil.

“How are you going to explain your presence, exactly? ‘Yeah, I know I look exactly like the guy in room four twelve, bye bye!’” Virgil said sarcastically, holding Patton back by the arm. “Thomas can get a nurse.”

“Who are you?” Logan asked, holding out his hand for Tom. “I’m Thomas’s logical side, Logan. Forgive me, this introduction is far more chaotic than my usual fair.” 

“Tom.” Tom shook Logan’s hand and looked back at Thomas, mouthing,  _ remarkable _ . 

“It is rather odd, isn’t it?” Logan agreed. “I’m afraid we must be going. Now that you can see we are real, and not figments of Thomas’s imagination, I’m afraid there is no more need for us to be here.” 

“No - wait! I need to know what happened.” Tom held out his hand in a stopping motion, causing Logan, Patton, and Virgil to raise their eyebrows in unison. They all looked at Thomas, waiting. 

“You’re already here.” Thomas sat back on the bed with a shrug. “He needs to know that I’ll be safe if I go home. I guess… this isn’t what I was planning, but it might work.” He sighed. “Roman?”

“You called - oh. Hello.” Roman looked at Tom with a puzzled expression, then back at Thomas. “Should he be here?”

“This is Tom, my doctor.” Thomas explained. He watched as Thomas and Roman shook hands. “Roman, Tom needs to know what happened with the dragon witch.”

“Ah! A grand adventure indeed.” Roman grinned and gestured dramatically, then looked back at Tom. “A tale of fear, of bravery, and of overcoming all obstacles-”

“Would you get on with it?” Virgil groaned. Patton giggled. 

“Very well.” Roman shrugged and looked at Tom. “Please take a seat, dear Tom. I am Roman, Thomas’s creativity. And in spite of that, everything I am about to tell you is, to us, very true.” 

* * *

  
  


Thomas sighed, staring for a moment into his camera, unsure what to say, how to begin. He looked around his living room, glad that it was clean, but somehow missing the chaos. Everything felt so… real.

He turned back to the camera, watching as the red light blinked at him, feeling surreal. He took a deep breath and, cheerily yelled,

“What is up everybody!”

* * *

  
  


“It’s really beautiful out here, Roman.” Patton said sleepily, leaning back on the grass. “I mean, when nothing else is going on.”

“Yes… well.” Roman smiled shyly. “I’m surprised you were all willing to come back actually.”

“Well, now that we’ve laid down some ground rules, it does make sense.” Logan sighed. “Tuesday is still your day.” 

“So I guess we’re going to be in videos again soon.” Virgil mused. “Interesting. Especially since Thomas told everyone we weren’t coming back.”

“Well… to be fair, he had good reason to think we weren’t.” Logan picked up a flower, the same pattern and color from the beginning of their adventure. “Seems like a while ago that all of it started.” 

“Hmm.” Patton sat up. “I think I’m going to go pick some daisies.”

“Loon.” Virgil muttered, putting headphones over his ears.

Patton skipped along the hill, looking at all the bright flowers and trees, enjoying the warmth of Roman’s kingdom. He put a flower up to his nose and inhaled deeply, smiling at the scent. 

“Wow.” He whispered.

In the distance, he could’ve sworn he saw the silhouette of a dragon move across the sky. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments give me life. Follow me on tumblr at thelogicalloganipus  
> Update: There is now a comic of this! You can check it out here - http://dragonwitch.smackjeeves.com/comics/2520226/chapter-1-the-mind-palace/  
> Update: A sequel to this fic is now being written! It's called Smoke and Mirrors and is in progress. You can read it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12948186/chapters/29595081


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